[HelloImKara]

Hi everyone!

I am new to this community but am hoping to meet some friends who are currently waiting to adopt. My husband and I just recieved the exciting news that we are now legaly free to adopt. I would love to have someone to talk to and share with during this emotional time. It has been a long journey and I am anxious to cross paths with the people that will be able to possibly help us add to our little family.

Hope to hear from you!

[jarrett]

Hi, we have our homestudy on May 2. Hopefully after that we will be cleared as well. I guess I am in the last month of control.

[Sprgtime]

We just completed the first set of paperwork (background checks, applying for adoption license for our state, references) last week. Not sure how long it will take them to check that out before we can move to the next round of paperwork.
We were told the paperwork & homestudy can be 4 months, so we're just in the beginning here, but excited to be starting.

[Juliana13]

We are cleared and waiting, too. We have done this before, but it still feels so uncertain. Maybe because it IS! LOL. We are just sitting here waiting until some beautiful expectant mother who want to place finds us (among the bazillion other great couples and families out there) and thinks we're great!

My 6 year old asked, "How long does it TAKE? Can't Heavenly Father just put our new baby in the tummy of someone who is pregnant NOW and tell her it's supposed to be ours??" Ummm... not exactly, honey. She still has some understanding to gain about the other side of things... (She has read the letter from her birthmother about how she prayed and knew our family was right for her...) Really sweet, though.

It is so uncertain when your hopes and dreams, your future, rest in the hands of people you don't know.

It also makes vacation planning a challenge. Do I book that flight for three months from now? Or will I be busy? I kept putting off a trip overseas (to where I served my mission) and finally said, I have to LIVE! I can't just be WAITING my whole life. And if a baby comes and spoils all my plans, then GREAT! I ended up going on the trip. But it was an amazing experience, and I am glad I went. MY daughter came a little later.

Hope things are going well for you.

[jarrett]

We were "approved" on May 14. I kind of fell in to a small sad spot right after, because I think I wanted somebody to pick us right away.

I think I am scared too, what if this isn't meant to be. I always have said if it is the Father's will it will happen and if not it won't and that is okay. I do mean that but I so want it to be Father's will.

Julianna, I really appreciate you sharing your story of waiting.

Kara, how is it going with you. Good luck Springtime, let us know if you have any questions.

[HelloImKara]

Hi everyone!

Still waiting here. No contacts for awhile but thats OK. I know one of these days we will find our birthmom! We have been keeping busy and hoping for the best!

[jarrett]

Our profile on Its about love went up about 2 weeks ago and we are now live on Parent Profiles.

I don't know if Birth Mothers look by state, but there are only 5 in Florida so hopefully that will help.

Though I did look on the people who recently adopted and they were either married no children or married with adopted children only. I am a stepmom so ours shows as married with biological children only. This was a little discouraging.

I am trying not to obsess over this though.

[ticchick]

[quote=Juliana13]

My 6 year old asked, "How long does it TAKE? Can't Heavenly Father just put our new baby in the tummy of someone who is pregnant NOW and tell her it's supposed to be ours??" Ummm... not exactly, honey. She still has some understanding to gain about the other side of things... (She has read the letter from her birthmother about how she prayed and knew our family was right for her...) Really sweet, though.

QUOTE]

Wow, your 6-year-old has read the letter from her birthmother?

Can I ask you- I relinquished a child for adoption 20 years ago and my parents wrote a beautiful letter to the adoptive parents (I was adopted so they knew the other side) and I was told I could write one but I never could- I must have tried a thousand times and it was never good enough to be my "final words" to him. How big of a deal is the letter to your daughter? Does she read it a lot? Do you think a child would feel badly not to have one? I have always felt awful that I never did get one written and sent. I don't know that the LDS social services would do that for me now, unfortunately.

Also, I have more medical info that I was not able to give at the time. Do they have ways of passing that kind of thing on if you contact the agency?

Thanks

[Juliana13]

ticchick - My daughter reads it on occasion. I wouldn't say it's a big part of her life (that I know of), but then again, she's only 6. But I think it WILL be a bigger deal later on. My nephew (10 years old) is now more interested in his birthparents than he was before, and wants to hear stories about how he came to be a part of their family. He has one letter only (a closed adoption) and reads it sometimes. It matters a lot to him to know he was loved. His parents would tell him that anyway, but I think it does make a big difference to hear it from you.

In your shoes, I would write a letter, and probably even send it. I would address it to the adoptive parents, especially since the adoption is closed, and you don't have a current relationship with your birthson. As his parents, they will know where he is at emotionally, and when he will be ready to read it. (He's legally an adult - but we've all been 20 and we know that sometimes that's not as grown up as we'd like to think.) I'd even write one to the adoptive parents, too maybe. (We adoptive parents like those.) I'd bet they'd be grateful for the medical info. He will. If not now, then later. I have a friend that is an adoptee, and she found her birthmother after she'd died. Maybe that birthmother was waiting until she was found to share her feelings, but now her birthdaughter can't get the answers to the questions that many adoptees have. The great 'why' question. The questions about how you felt, what you dreamed for them, why you chose their parents (if you chose). Even if you decide not to send it right away, I'd write it. Then you have it to share if you ever meet him, or he ever asks.

And if you went through LDS social service (now LDS Family Services) they WILL forward the info, if they have the forwarding address. Sometimes, if a closed adoption was requested, the letter from you will sit in the file until such time as the adoptive family asks for it. (Depending on the caseworker, they might call them and tell them something is there for them. - mine said she would probably do that.) But who knows? Maybe they've already asked, in which case it will be sent straight to them. And if there is anything waiting for you there, you'd get it only if you asked. If not, then they'd at least have your info, so that they can give it to your son or his family if/when they ever check in.

It's all uncertain, but as an adoptive parent, I love that I have letters (from both birthmothers and birthfathers) for both of my children. I think that will help them down the road, and besides, I like to read them. I like that connection, too. I also preferred closed adoptions (I read your other posts), although we have a semi-open adoption with each child, because that is what fits best for all of us.

Pray, write, pray some more, maybe write a little more. Then send. (just my opinion.) If you ask in the "Adult adoptee" forum, you'll get more responses for sure, if you want other people's opinions. But what about you? Do you have anything from your birthfamily? Do you wish you did? Do you still have questions you wish were answered?

Anyway, didn't mean to hijack this thread... back to the original thread... All of us waiting around for our kids to show up!!

Oh, and jarrett, don't get discouraged. A woman in our ward - also a stepmom of 4 kids, adopted a baby boy, then twin girls through LDSFS (the twins came a couple of months ago). So there ARE expectant moms looking at you. Yours will find you. Did you explain your situation in your profile, so they see the situation more clearly? I know it's hard to think they might just pass you over without looking closer, but hang in there! Heavenly Fahter knows where you are. He's got you covered.

[ticchick]

Wow,
Thank you so much for your answer- it was exactly what I needed to hear. I am going to do exactly what you suggested and write to both my son and his parents. I will be in that state at the end of this month and can take them in to LDS Family Services personally.

There are things I wish I had a letter explaining and I will go by what I would have wanted to hear. Thank you again for your thoughtful reply.

And to Jarrett- don't be discouraged, God works in mysterious ways. The child that is meant for you will find you.

[aspenhall]

We are in an open (less contact though) relationship, and the whole idea of "final words" seems so tragic. I wouldn't expect them to be "final words" do it as an "introductory letter" and you'll feel less pressure. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be the truth. Write two letters if you need to, one letter from the young girl you used to be, and one now as you are having perspective on the whole experience.

I treasure and save ALL emails from my dd's bmom. She loves to hear from her, but doesn't really worry too much when it's a dry spell. I really like having the bmoms OWN words regarding how the adoption came about. If I didn't it would feel like a piece was missing since it isn't only our experience that mattered.

[ticchick]

Very good advice- thank you!