[geogdeb]

As I continue my search for my birthson (08/15/79 Decatur, GA) I realize just how little information I have, and how naive I was when I surrendered my parental rights. No one really explained the rules to me. I was so ashamed and scared that I never really asked until now. Who makes up these rules? Does anyone know if LDSSS has to follow the laws of the state in which the agency resides, the laws of the state in which the adoption took place, or their own contractual regulations?

I naively assumed the adoption would take place in the same state the agency was located - even if the birthparents were from out of state. Now I don't know. I also don't know if LDSSS allowed or allows adoptive parents to change the babies birthdate on the amended birth certificate. The more I learn, the more discourged I get - and the angrier I get. No wonder so many birthparents claim adoption is exploitive and wrong!

Any help anyone can give me would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Deb

[mariemort]

I was placed for adoption thru LDSSS. My adoptive parents started the process in UT, moved to the state of WA while they were still waiting for their baby, then moved back to UT before the adoption was finalized (it took over 3 years to finalize). I contacted LDSSS to get what info I could from them and they could not find me anywhere in their system, they tried searching by DOB, adoptive parents last name and year adoption finalized with no luck finding anything on me. They sent me a form which I ordered the records of my whole case on and they sent it to their corporate office -- still no news. So I wish you better luck than I am having with them.

I am ISO my bmom, I was born 03/25/73 in Bellevue, WA

[geogdeb]

I also sent a request for information - in mid September. They told me it would take a couple of months. I have yet to hear from them. When I call they almost act surprised - like they can't understand why anyone would want ask questions about their idenity or their children. Sometimes I think their cluess act is rehearsed.

Good luck in your search and let us know if you find anything.

Deb

[lindamccrea]

Hi everybody, I read these posts and just shake my head. I have been very frustrated in my search. I contacted my local LDSSS as I was told to do. My bdaughter was born in Utah in 1969, I am a birthmother from out of state, there only for my pregnancy. I gave them all the info I could remember and they have no info in their system about the adoption. What I was told is that since it was not in their system it was probably a private adoption. In my case that was not helpful at all, it simply meant there was likely no chance of going thru the normal channels. Utah is a sealed records state. Your best chances, in my opinion are to post EVERYWHERE!! I have been corresponding with a possible match and we have gone so far as to do DNA testing which should be in any time. I don't know if she is a match but I found her on ONE site 4 years after she posted. She had been told basically the same as I was, she had posted on a couple of sites and then had been told it would be almost impossible to find her birthfamily since she didn't have a lot of info, no nonid. I hope and pray that my situation works out, but my point is, don't give up. We as LDS members or past members all understand the negatives, don't let it defeat us. Get all the info from ANY source available to you. Good luck to you in your searches.

[jfrost]

I am Going to give this a try...My birthdaughter was born
11/23,24 or 26th of November, 1984 in southern california in either riverside or san bernandino counties.
I know the adoption agency was the Lds social services located in Colton, Ca. I only have a picture of her when she was a week or two old and I have been wanting to be a part of her life ever since. The circumstances are to lengthy and old to get into, but I just want her Back. I was conned and intimidated into thinking this was for the "best" and it has been the furthest from the truth.
I shall never forgive the Edited by moderators at college that talked me into this nor will I forgive the Lds church. I've tried to get help from the agency and they say the records are micor fiched in Salt lake, so I updated them so my daughter could find me if she needed too and checking back on those records a year after I updated them to my suprise they showed no update and were still the same, Even my california form allowing my name and address to be given out was not on file. The agent that secretly sent me the pictures told me she believed the family may be in Southern california or in Arizona, and they helped the birth mother with expenses. Also she went to a family that had a 7 year old brother and was tickled pink to have a new baby sister. Well god help me find I have Loved her since the day I saw her and I want to know her and see her again--in person, god willing someday!
If any one may recognize this in anyway or has recommendations as to what I can do to find her please please for god sakes Help Me, I am broken Hearted and desperately wanting to see her again....Jon

[lindamccrea]

Hi Jon, I can understand your frustration, Just have a few suggestions and comments. Maybe you've already done them but here goes. My bdaughter was born in UT, where they seal records for 100 yrs, as well as being LDS and them having no record. There is a challenge.
With LDS you have to go thru the channels. Did you pay their $50 fee to get the nonid? You have to give them any info you have and go thru the office that is closest to you, even if its not Colton. They will do the research with Salt Lake City where the records are actually kept.
Also, I understand that California has a State Adoption Registry.
Do both of these and if they have not updated their records, (evidently you have checked) register again and again until they do.
Also, if you are in a position, consider a paid searcher but DO NOT pay anyone who approaches you. I personally cannot afford that right now, but I have recently been ripped off by a searcher that approached me saying she knew where my bdaughter was. Be careful. I can tell you about the ONE I have found, specializes in LDS, CA & UT that I trust implicitly, you can check out her references, etc. directly with her. She has been helpful guiding me so I can eliminate the places I can contact myself before hiring someone. If you want me to I will email her name. She was the one any agencies I contacted referred me to over and over again. They had nothing to gain by doing that.

If you can't afford to do hire someone, register on any registries you find, ISRR, ALMA, etc. as well as any online forums and registries/search groups. I have been on here a while and have seen quite a few successes for CA though not specifically with LDS.

Hang in there, she's young, put your info out there so she can find you even if you can't find her right away.

[jfrost]

Thank you so much!
I will get started as soon as I can and I think it would be best for me to sit down with a local ldss agent and get more advice. Could you please email the searcher name and number to me at my listed email address, god bless you for taking the time to respond to my post and I feel alot better and certainly more hopefull....Jon

[lindamccrea]

Jon, I PM'd you with the info. Linda

[snorkmaiden]

I think everyone looking for adoptees or birth parents from adoptions arranged by the LDS church would be wise to read the valuable information contained on this page.

http://www.plumsite.com/shea/name.html

My mother gave up a baby boy for adoption in the 1960's under pressure from her local LDS leaders. Something she has never quite got over.

My brother was born in the UK and adopted by an LDS family based there with the airforce - they then returned to the US.

When I started my search for him on my mothers behalf I soon realised church social services would be no help at all, and I was a member. Church policy dictates that once adopted the child was meant to be with that family forever - cutting all ties with birth parents forever. Church records will plead ignorance when asked about adoption - at least in my experience.

I was lucky in that my mother actually met the adoptive parents and knew which base they lived on. She had overheard their surname when her Bishop had spoken to them making the arrangements and the name was etched into her memory. I rang several wards in that area and said I was trying to reunite my mother with an old friend - people were much more receptive to that, particularly when I said I was a member.

Eventually I found the ward they had been in, and as luck would have it, an old member, a previous Bishop had not destroyed the paper records from that time.

With the name I was able to search for and find my brothers adoption certificate - it seems a much easier process in the UK and now I think I am really close to finding him.

I wish you luck in your search and I hope reading about how to approach church records will help you.

[geogdeb]

I am a member also, although with all the feelings resurfacing from the adoption, I don't know that I want to remain a member. I paid for my non-identifying information in September. Not it is April, and still no word. I have called several times. I found out about a month ago that the local director (who was there when I relinquished) retired. I had talked to him several times and he promised to call back -- then just retired. I am upset about the lies and deceptions.

I am drafting a letter to them today to express my concerns and disgust at my treatment. I don't it will help, but if all else fails, maybe I can get my $50.00 back. Of course then I won't have the non-identifying information and will be right back where I started from. I hope everyboday elses search is going better. Mine has stalled.

Good Luck,

Deb

[lindamccrea]

Jon, I was just checking the site and wondered if you had heard anything new?

[paigeturner]

Deb,

I'm in the same boat as you and I'm no longer a member. Church leaders treated me very poorly during my pregnancy and even went so far as to call the young man they thought was the father into the Bishop's office and let him know about my pregnancy...behind my back. He wasn't the father, I had never implied that he was and he made my life a living he!! when I returned to my small town after I placed my child. Talk about a lack of privacy and confidentiality.

Yet, now I'm begging them for my non-identifying information and I'm getting nothing. I think we requested our information about the same time. I call back every two weeks. Nothing.

My only regrets about placing my child for adoption is placing him through the LDS church. I wish I had known about other options.

Good luck with your searches.

[jfrost]

Not yet, I sent the consent forms out and had them notarized etc... I will be calling the agency today so I will let you know what happens. I emailed the birthmom to make sure my info was correct and she has not replied yet so I did the best I could and we shall see...I will keep ya posted...Jon

[jfrost]

Wow, that is almost the same experience I had. I however never told my family about the adoption mainly because the birthmom was shamed into believing the adoption was the correct thing to do...one of their tools they used was based on "you should seek out a return missionary and marry in the temple" kinda attitude. Of course I was from the midwest and not the west kinda mormon, where back home you deal with what you have to deal with in life and not turn your back on it. So I knew if I told my parents about the baby in the oven, that my parents would have insisted on the child staying in the family and adoption is not part of our blood..."no child of ours will go to another family" so this is my dilema and being young at the time it led me to what I feel was a bad decision. to wit if I told my family it would have gone against the birthmom's wishes and being she was mad and angry-to term it loosely at me, I felt it prudent to do as she wished, which also gave the bishops fuel for the fire so to speak.
None the less I am stuck with the last 20+ years of deep regret and sorrow for what was done, all I have is a picture of my little girl when she was about a week or two old and that is it. She was so beatiful and I just want her back.
The upside to all of this eventually was a greater understanding of all involved, including myself, a hard lesson for sure.
Good luck to all and I hope you too find what your looking for, I wish I could say more but there is just volumes of stuff still locked inside and not enough time to bore you with it. I too have nothing to do with the Lds church anymore and have'nt for 20 yrs, but understand this experience did not "discourage me" from the church or make me "bitter" it just opened my eyes to alot of things, and thru my own research and not that of someone else, and study I have made my own decisions and choices, and they are just not one of them. I won't ever join the "freemasons" or the mormon church, if ya know what I mean. Jesus died for all and You don't need a secret code word or hand shake to get into the presence of god, we are all sinners and by no order of man can you get into heaven i.e. by way of indulgences(catholic) not by what any man says or convinces you what you should do. or by a ritual or ordinance, or secret hand shake or code word, but only thru christ. So I am off my soapbox now, I would like to hear more from you, so I hope I have not offended anyone or you and keep the faith. Jon

[geogdeb]

Hi Everyone,

I am just wondering if anyone has heard from LDS Family Services. It took awhile, but I just mailed a letter to the director of the GA office -- and the gloves are off! It was a fairly harsh letter. I figured I really don't have anything to lose right now. I've waited over 7 months for non-identifying information. I've called them several times and they don't respond. I would be happy to share the contents of the letter -- if you are interested just send me a PM with your email address.

I hope you are all doing well and hope your searches end soon.

Debbie