[geogdeb]

Debbie,

Call them and talk with them personally. Just because his adoption was not finalized in Oregon does not mean Oregon law does not apply!!! He will know he was born in Oregon. My son was born in Georgia and adopted in Maine! His birth certificate still came from Georgia.

If you send me your email address I will try and walk you through the sticky, yucky mess of LDSSS adoptions.

By the way, I have talked to my son. We are working on establishing a relationship. He is wonderful!

Let me know how I can help.

Debbie

[chris_T]

I am a birthparent of a young girl . . . I am not searching for her, I have about five years until she can "look" for me or her BF; and according to the state laws where the adoption took place, I have eight years until I can begin my search. However, I would like to know where I can place my information and with whom to register. Many Reunion Registries require the adoptee be at least eightteen before the they will house any information. That seems so unfair to me. I am not actively looking but I want my information available for her. I want her to know I am open and inviting a reunion.

I did place her through LDSSS. Reading the posts here I am a little discouraged to my hopes of any reunion. I never received copies of the relinquishment papers from LDSSS, nor did the BF.

I am lucky, I was able to have pictures of her until she was six months old and letters from the AP (and sent to her from me) until she turned one-year.

Right now all I want to know is what steps can I take to aid in the reunion in the future, legally?

Thanks for any help!

[geogdeb]

Hi Chris_T,

You can do a couple of things to at least let the adoptive parents, and your daughter know that you are interested in a reunion. You should be able to fill out "consent-to-contact" forms with the LDSSS agency that you relinquished with. That way when your daughter is ready for a reunion all she has to do is fill out those forms also. I believe that the adoptive parents can fill out the forms if your daughter is underage. Also check out the state laws for the state that you gave birth in.

Also write the agency and ask for any information that they can give you. I am assuming you know something about the family since you received some letters. However, for a $50.00 fee, LDSFS will send you non-identifying information that might give you some helpful clues if you ever have to search. Also contact the states office of vital records and get a copy of the original birth certificate.

That is really all you can do for now. Make sure that when she turns 18 you post your information on as many internet sites as possible. The good news for you is that girls are more apt to search than boys. Good luck and feel free to pm me if you want someone to talk to. I sure understand what you are going through.

Deb

[chris_T]

I had no idea. Really, truely I had no clue. I had always suspected there were shady dealings with the whole adoption process through LDSSS, after reading these posts I feel validated . . . finally.

I too was forced into the adoption. Told the whole line, "This isn't really your child, this is the only way this child could come to it's true and forever family." What is unfortunate is my mother still spouts that belief whenever I am sad or missing my daughter. No wonder the Social Worker assigned to "assist" with my case not only moved from the area, but I later found out left the church shortly after my baby's adoption was finalized.

I asked questions, very thoughtful questions about reunions and obtaining non-id info prior to the adoption. I hit brick walls then, I suppose they don't ever want you to have what is rightfully yours. I never received the "exit counceling" post adoption. My father signed as the witness and I never was offered legal councel, ever. Nor was the BF.

It is a long and weary road. My heart breaks for all of you.

It took me several years to actually contact LDSSS where the adoption took place for the copies of my relinquishment papers. I did have to meet with the local LDSFS director to retreive them, but it was odd. I have the papers, I distinctly remember hand writing in the baby's legal name, as I had given not only to the hospital but to the LDSSS. This was not on ANY of the documents it all read "baby girl _______." As if LDSSS ALTERED the documents post siging!!! Isn't that ILLEGAL!?

I have been told I have the "option" to send correspondance to the LDSFS office for her and/or the adoptive parents. I was told the LDSFS is required to keep all documents from any parties there in the event either party inquires. I am a little reluctant to believe.

All of these stories are so heartwrenching. Sadly, I am greatful there are forums and communities such as these to share. So I will do what I can now, during the long wait (five or eight years is small considering the thirteen I've already put in, right?).

Thank you to all of you for the support and love.

chris_T

[loladee]

hi,

i dont even know if i am doing any of this stuff right. am new to site. it sounds like the lds adoption thing is a mess. i dont even know where to begin. my son was born dec 3, 1979 at st marks hosp in slc utah. i heard all the things every one has been writing about. where do i even begin? i feel sick after reading all these stories. what have i done? thank you for your time. i hope you get this.

lora from florida
heres my email donpooley@gte.net

[geogdeb]

Hi Lora,

My name is Debbie and I also gave up a baby for adoption in 1979. I gave birth in Georgia which turned out to be a good thing since they have confidential intermediary system. I am in reunion with my son and have been since March of this year. Unfortunately Utah is one of the hardest states to deal with as far as adoption reunion is concerned. All records are sealed for 100 years and Utah judges generally will not unseal them. It is a good idea, however to post on every free adoption reunion website you can find, especially the one at adoption.com. And be prepared to be patient. The other thing to do is to send for non-identifying information from the LDS Family Services office that you relinquished through. If I can be of any help, let me know. Are you from Utah or did you just go there to give birth? I tried to email you, but it got sent back. Send me a PM if you need anything or if I can be of any help. I understand completely how frustrating the search can be. But don't give up hope. There are always ways to find what you are looking for.

Good luck,

Debbie

[lindamccrea]

Lora, I live in FL and relinquished in UT in 1969. I've been ill lately and I know I emailed you but don't recall if you responded. If you would like to correspond, I have done alot of legwork. No results yet. LDSFS says no record of me. What part of FL?

[loladee]

hi linda,

i live in melbourne fl. i am filling out paper work to send back to the adoption agency concerning my son. i dont have it in front of me but its the one thats 50 dollars. i wouldnt mind any advice, as i know this will not be easy. i cant believe they are telling you they have no info on you. i am also adopted. i was born in 1962 in ca. i hope you will find your daughter. feel better.

lora

[kelli0326]

I just had the same thing happen to me. I called to see if they could send me non-id info, they told me it would take 6 weeks and they would call me and let me know when I could pick up my info. I got a letter 3 weeks later saying that they could not find me in their system. How could they lose all of these people's records. I was very hurt because I thought maybe my birth parents lied to me just to find out there are more people out there that were told the same thing! Very frustrating!

[kelli0326]

I posted this yesterday but for some reason it didn't show up...I just had the same thing happen to me. I called LDSSS to see if they could send me non-id info, they told me it would take 6 weeks and they would call me and let me know when I could pick up my info. I got a letter 3 weeks later saying that they could not find me in their system. How could they lose all of these people's records. I was very hurt because I thought maybe my birth parents lied to me just to find out there are more people out there that were told the same thing! Very frustrating!

[geogdeb]

Hi Kelli,

Do your parents have any papers on the adoption -- or are you a bparent? If so, you should be able to send those to LDSFS and that should help them track you down and if you are a bparent you should have some paperwork also. You can't tell me that the LDS church, with all of there sophisticated records and tracking systems, can't find a record of the adoption in their system. WRONG! They just don't care. Don't give up. Write letters! Complain about their insensitivity. It worked for me and can work for you. But first get EVERYTHING your parents have as far as records.

If you need help, please PM me. I have had some experience dealing with LDSFS.

Deb

[TheHappyHippie]

Hi all, I'm new, so bear with me.
I'm going through a battle with LDSSS myself, I'm an adoptee, and while I will not actually discredit LDSSS (they gave me the wonderful life I have now), I am also trying to make contact with my birthparents, and not really receiving any real assistance. I can't afford the $50 fee for my non-ID info, and to be honest, I don't really want it anyway if it isn't going to help me actually MEET my birthparents. Has anyone out there actually had any success with the non-ID info? Has it helped you in anyway? Basically, is it even worth the $50?? Thanks for any help.

-Aari

[geogdeb]

Hi Aari,

I have -- I found my son a little over a year ago, but the birth was in Georgia and that made some difference. Consider also that $50.00 might give you clues that you wouldn't have otherwise. The non-ID I got narrowed down my search some. But what saved me was that GA has a law that requires the agency to act as a confidential intermideary and do a search -- that was a struggle all its own, but LDSSS finally complied with the law. Of course that costs money too, but it wasn't very expensive. Where were you born? I will help in any way I can.

Deb

[TheHappyHippie]

Hi Deb,

I'm so happy for you, what a joy it must be to have found your son. I was born on 11/08/1984, in York, Pennsylvania. The adoption itself actually went through LDSSS in Maryland, and I live in Delaware. What kind of info is in the non-ID? My fiance has offered to pay the $50 as a birthday present to me if it's worth the money. I have a slip of paper from when I was adopted that listed things like height, weight, some vague medical background, hair color and eye color of my birth parents. Is the non-ID info more descriptive than that? Thanks for all your help.

-Aari

[geogdeb]

My non-Id was several pages long. It included the family size and make-up of the adoptive family, their professions and educational background, plus the professions and educational backgrounds of some of their ancestors. It also gave a little information on the home-study from before the adoption thru the first year of my son's life. Those were pretty vague. One other thing, if you ask for non-ID, they will be opening your file in SLC. If there is a letter from your bparents in your file, they will send it on.

It is good that you were not adopted in Utah. You would never find anything there. If you want, I will do some research for you and see if I can help you in your search. I would bet that your bmom at least would love to meet you, but LDSSS will never tell you that.

Let me know if I can help,

Deb