[lindamccrea]

Hi Deb, I would like to see the letter you sent. Linda mccreamom@aol.com

[paigeturner]

Deb,

I've been considering sending a letter as well. I pm'd you my contact information. I'd love to see your letter.

This has really been an exercise in frustration and there is absolutely no attempt at understanding from the folks I've talked to at LDSFS. The last time I called a couple of weeks ago, she asked if I had a medical reason to ask for the information. I told her I had heart problems. She asked me what kind of heart problems...I said, "my heart is broken". She didn't get it.

I hope you have good results from your letter.

[paigeturner]

Deb,

Thanks for sending me the letter to read. Wow. I think it has the perfect tone. Firm, but not strident. Please let us know if you get a response from them.

[geogdeb]

Hi Everyone,

I thought I wrote this last night, but apparently I didn't send it properly. Anyway, first of all I just want to say thanks to everyone who has emailed me or pm'd me. I hope to get back to each of you individually in the next day or two. I teach at a university and this is the end of the semester and life has been crazy!

I received a call from the new director of LDSFS in Atlanta on Wednesday. He left a message and I returned his call. His secretary was nice to me (which was a change) and she apologized profusely saying that they had really been working hard to get my nonID information (that's why it has taken 8 months?). When the director finally returned that call, I was in Wal Mart of all places, shopping for our annual honors night celebration with a colleague (and a good friend who knows what I am going through). I was not able to talk as long or ask as many questions as I would've liked to, but over all the conversation was fairly positive. The details are following - sorry this is long.

The new director is young and from Salt Lake City. He worked previously at the LDSFS office there. The first thing he told me was that he had not even heard of me or my request for information until he received my letter (that must be why the secretary was so nice, he probably got all over her). He told me he knew the person who was supposed to be pulling my file (in SLC) and he called them and asked them to speed things up. However, when he followed up the next day, the person would not return his call, nor would their supervisor. He seemed confused by this and by the fact that it has taken so long to get the information in the first place.

I also expressed my frustrations with getting any information about general LDSFS adoption policies. I told him that the previous director would not answer any of my questions. He seemed open to answering questions and told me I could call anytime with them. I asked him about the possibility of someone at LDSFS acting as a confidential intermediary between my son and me. After all, that would not entail giving out confidential information without the consent of both of us. He didn't even know what a confidential intermediary was! Do they live in a vacumn at LDSFS. Do they not keep up with the current trends in post-adoption services. Even Catholic Charities offers a confidential intermediary service. And he didn't even know what one was! When I explained, he told me he didn't think that would be possible -- not LDSFS policy, and they don't change policy lightly!

Anyway, he asked me if I thought I needed counseling! What a laugh -- like I would get counseling from LDSFS after what I have gone through. Not likely! He was nice and I think I can get some answers to some questions from him. But I don't trust him.

I am going to call him back with a list of questions next week. Since I seem to be having a little better luck than some of you, if you have any general questions you want answered about LDSFS, I'd be happy to ask them for you. Just pm me or email me or put them on this forum and I will include them on my list. I am hopeful as far as getting nonID information. I feel like I have made forward progress. But I don't think I will get more than that from LDSFS. I am now investigating what petioning the courts to unseal the records will involve. If any of you have information about that I would appreciate the help.

Good luck to all of you. I hope to have my nonID soon! If I can help let me know.

Thanks,

Debbie

[paigeturner]

Deb,

Good to hear that you're making some progress. I sent a similar letter myself and am waiting to hear something back. The more I've been calling the more closed mouth the secretary at the Seattle LDSFS is getting with me, even though I've been very polite. Hopefully my version of your letter will help a bit. I only want the non-ID information. I don't understand why they're being so difficult.

I can't wait to hear another update from you.

[mariemort]

Hi everyone!

It sounds like we are all lost in an ldsss black hole. I still have not heard or received anything from them and I do hope that everyone elses search is going better.

I have been fortunate enough to have my amom helping me out. We looked up information at our local court house where the adoption was finalized (it didn't take the 3 years as I was originally told) and thank God my aparents lived in a small community and there was only one adoption around the time my post adoption birth certificate was issued for a Baby Girl Shaneen (i'm assuming that is me). The judge will not grant my request to unseal the records, he wants an attorney to formally request it, but that what you get for living in Utah.

I have also been reading your posts. I am no longer active, it doen't sound like the church has changed much either. In 1991 I became an unwed mother at the age of 18. I was told by the stake pres. that the only way I would be guaranteed a 99.9% chance of going thru the lds temple would be to give the baby up for adoption thru ldsss. 13 years later I still have my first born, I didn't go thru the temple, but I am alive (thanks to my son) and I came to understand what a hard decision it must have been for my bmom. I know if I would have given my child up for adoption it would have been the end for me.

For all you bmoms out there thank you from my aparents (and i'm sure all others) for giving them the best gift ever, but please know that we the children may not understand the circumstances behind our adoptions, we may resent you as we are growing up because we felt rejected, but once we are put in a similar situation (motherhood) we finally realize just how difficult it must have been for you as bmoms. But hopefully we will someday get to meet and when that day does come, we will all be able to bond and start to feel complete.

Good Luck with your searches

[paigeturner]

Deb,

Do you have any news? I haven't heard anything since I sent my letter. I'll give it another couple of weeks and send another. Frustration!!!

[geogdeb]

I haven't heard anything for almost two weeks. I agree, it is frustrating. I called the office Friday and of course the director wasn't in. I left a message and maybe he'll call back. However, I am not holding my breath.

If you don't get the information soon, I would threaten to take them to small claims court. At least you can get your money back. And it might make them listen to you!

Good luck,

Deb

[geogdeb]

Hi again everyone, I heard from the director of Atlanta's LDSFS yesterday. He has my nonidentifying information. Unfortunatly I have to meet with him to get it and that won't happen until June 8th.

I also asked him several questions that he didn't answer to my satisfaction. He really doesn't know much about adoption policies for LDSFS or Georgia or anywhere. I know he is new at the job, but I would've thought they would hire someone who had some expertise in adoption.

One of the questions I asked was where the consent-to- contact form I signed was kept, Atlanta or SLC? He said that LDSFS does not have a passive registry and that there is no way I filled out that form for LDSFS -- which is b.s. I know if filled one out for LDSFS, had it notarized, and sent it back to them. It was almost four years ago, but I know I did it. I even called them to make sure they had received it. I didn't send one in to the state until last year. Have any of you filled out a consent-to-contact form for LDSFS. If so, please let me know.

Anyway, I will let everyone know more when I get my non-identifying information.

Good Luck,

Deb

[jfrost]

Well I am Glad to hear the good news...Good luck none the less.
I pray you get the info u need. God willing. But I wished the Lds church would get off their high horse and be more sympathetic to others needs and not "fulfill" their own doctrine. It burns me to no end. but we learn!
Again good luck and please keep us posted, I am learning so much from all! Jon

[paigeturner]

Deb,

I'll be waiting for your update! It gives me hope that you've managed to get something out of them!

[geogdeb]

Hi Everyone,

I finally got my nonID information. At first glance, it isn't much. It is very generic. However, I did get a tip from the woman I stayed with during the last of my pregnancy (she volunteered for LDSFS) and she said my baby went to the Northeast, she thinks New England! To top it off, as I looked harder at the information, I noticed that the adoptive mother's father worked at at shipyard and her mother worked at a shoe factory. It also looked like the adoptive parents lived close to their extended families! Now I have to find where there was (or is) a ship yard and a shoe factory in one of the New England states in 1979. Not much to go on, but better than nothing.

The informtion gives a basic report as to how he was doing up to a year old. After that... nothing. And nothing geographic other than the shipyard clue.

Anyway, I will try and fill you in later on what I find out.

Good luck to all of you,

Deb

[paigeturner]

Deb,

We must live parallel lives! I got my information this week as well. It sounds like its about like yours. Not a lot to go on. I do know his adad was a dairy farmer and they lived in a small rural community. It was nice to read about the supervisory visits his first 6 months. I didn't get a years worth though. All that wait for 5 skimpy pages!

[jfrost]

Well good luck paige, nothing for me yet, I just worry that my girl being only 21 years old is just not thinking about making contact...good luck to you...Jon

[MNelson]

geogdeb -- Don't rule out Baltimore (since she only "thinks" New England). Shipyards, and lots of factories, especially during that era. Good luck!