[paparent]

I don't even know where to start I have A who is 13 and B who is five. A has been severly abused and has a major speech delay and functions at around nine. B functions at 2 and a half and uses about 15 words and 30 or so signs. He is still not potty trained and shows no sign of it in the future. They have lived with me for eleven months and I see very little progress especially with behaviors. As I was sitting here reading B kicked his bio sister in the eye, hard enough to cause swelling and A has not stopped talking since mid December. He talks at a rate that even without the speech delays I would still not beable to understand. These are my first foster children and my husband and I have no bio's. I want to do the right thing for both children I am just afariad I am not up for the task. I just wonder if a more experienced parent would have more success. Any words of advice out there?

[CaddoRose]

I wish I had some advice to give, but instead only come with questions. Did you know in advance you would be taking children that needed special care? Do you have any special training that could help you with them or are they receiving specialized care outside the home? Are you getting support for your agency or CPS? Are the children on an achievemtn plan- one that has some goals for each child to acheive?

I'm asking because there should be goals and you should be getting help to achieve those goals. If you're overwhelmed, don't feel bad about calling the CW and getting help. It sort of sounds like your in a position where you are just spinning your wheels and maybe you expected some progress by now.

[paparent]

These boys were my first placement and I had no idea what questions to ask, Five minutes before I picked them up I got a call and my Program Specialist asked if I knew any signs. As for services they came into the program foster to adopt and a week later the status changed to reunification and after the next court hearing in November I am told that parental rights will be terminated and they will be up for adoption again. Because the staus is reunification all services for the boys has been divereted to the Bio family to "Fix" things there. A-13 has nightmares the keep him up for hours and the rest of the house as well. He has also started wetting the bed which is new. B-5 has started kicking and spitting and being defiant. I know he is 5 but he is defiant beyond his age. Our CW is overloaded and our program specialist says he is working on it. That has been for the past two months. During this time A-13 has been grabbing girls buts and putting his hands down there pants. He has a history and I fear it will not be long before he is doing more than but grabbing. Everyone know this and just keeps telling me "Let me know if it happens again" Well I let them know and it is the same old thing. I am convienced that these two boys have the sweetest souls. With everything that they have been through they are just happy boys with big problems to deal with. There are so many smiles but there are also so many tears. I have begged for services but there are none. I have offered to pay privately and have been told that that would be a conflict. I have been so depressed and I know in my heart that I could be a better parent if I could find some help for the issues that they are dealing with. On top of all of that we have atleast two family visits a week and bahaviors after they come home are just plain bad. I guess after thinking about what I just typed there really is no help. I just need to grin and bear it. Thank you so much for your reply. I really needed to vent.

[meshsgrl]

hey
I know the feeling altho I didnt have the issues you do, or the amount of children you do. I am a new parent and really wonder if a experienced parent wouldnt have been better. But we need to learn how to parent somehow.... we need also to know limits.
Hugs and Prayers

[athikers]

As for the 13 yo, obviously there are some major issues. You are entitled to seek services for them... and it seems obvious to me the older boy needs SA counseling. The younger... its hard to say, do his behaviors seem to stem from frustration at not being understood? That might be a place to start. If he's not in school, request an early childhood IEP and get him services... it is his right.