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Originally Posted By Teri

I am wondering what situations others have faced in the first few days and weeks after they adopted a child from a foreign country , more specifically China. Are there words we should be sure to learn in her own language that would make the transition as humane to her as possible? Were there situtations that came up that if we are prepared for we can make it easier for her and hopefully remove some of the fear when in the middle of a strange environment with people who don't speak her language. Even the hotel rooms in China will be strange and so will the food. How could we best handle things there and do you have any tips for traveling with a toddler aged child that you wish you would have known?

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Sharon

I adopted my daughter from China in 1997. She was 18.5 mo. old at the time.

Becca showed no sign of speaking or understanding either Mandarin or the local dialect, which was scary. She was also totally shut down emotionally, not to mention sick.

However, by the time we left her home city, less than a week after her adoption, she was not only smiling, but saying "hi" and "bye-bye" in English! In Guangzhou, where we went to the U.S. Consulate for her visa, she was toddling in the hotel corridors saying "hi" and "bye-bye" in English to the (Chinese-speaking) cleaning staff! By the time we got to Dulles Airport, she was also saying "OK."

After less than three months at home with her, I had her tested by a developmental specialist. The woman was shocked, because my daughter tested ABOVE her age level in understanding English! And she was only a little below her age level in speaking. When Becca hit two, she began using two-word sentences ("ride car" or "play outside&quot and soon graduated to longer ones ("I see you, doggy" or "Who say woof-woof?&quot

I do not speak Mandarin or any of the Chinese dialects. (And you must remember that your child will not necessarily be speaking Mandarin, especially if she had any elderly caregivers or comes from a very rural area, so don't feel that you must go out and take a crash course in Mandarin.)

What seemed to work was lots and lots of talking in English, from minute 1 at the orphanage, plus a lot of hugging, holding, and attention. I read Becca stories; she could look at the pictures, even if she couldn't understand my words. I named objects as I used them (TV, toothbrush, Doggy Woof-Woof). I told her the story of her adoption at bedtime, which gave me practice in talking about adoption with her. I recited prayers in Hebrew and English. (She actually began to recite a prayer in garbled Hebrew early in her 2s.) And, of course, I acted things out a bit.

Of course, what also mattered was that she happened to be "programmed" to be very verbal. Some kids are, some aren't. My daughter was much further behind in gross motor skills and is still not athletically inclined. Again, some kids are, some aren't. In that sense, you just have to play the hand you are dealt. But you really can have some impact by talking a lot. And you can also have some impact by throwing out your dignity and doing a lot of pantomiming.

With older children, it isn't a bad idea if you learn some Chinese, as long as you know what dialect the child is hearing at the orphanage. However, do remember that the words you might learn in the average Chinese class may not be the ones used with little kids. As an example, in a class, you might learn grown-up words like "have a bowel movement" or "urinate." But Chinese people, like Americans, don't necessarily use those words with little kids. Be sure you learn the equivalent of "go potty" or "pee-pee" and "poo-poo."

And remember that, even if you know a few words of Chinese, you may not be able to answer her when she starts talking to you, assuming that you understand. This may actually upset her more than if you did not know any Mandarin, as she might assume that you were being mean and choosing not to answer.

Language is just one area where the whole adoption experience will be scary and strange to your child. You probably don't look a bit Chinese, for one thing, and if you have blonde hair or if your husband has a beard, you may look totally different from anyone your child has ever seen. She could easily think she has been transported to the moon or been captured by monsters.

So what I would really advise is worrying less about language and more about relating to the child. Limit the amount of touring. Spend time alone with her, just holding and playing with her. Give her lots of love and attention. Don't shock her too much with unnecessary stuff; I remember being scolded by an elderly Chinese woman in the street for not cutting my daughter's nails, but I was not about to traumatize both of us in the first couple of days with such a procedure.

[infoseeker]

I have heard that story from several people to whom I have placed the language question. It is so hard to believe that a child could adjust so quickly, but I guess they do. My husband and I are thinking about adopting from Ukraine. I am worried about communication, but the people that adopted 3 and older children assure me that they learn so quickly and that is the least of the problems.

[Trish C.]

I think I am replying to an old post, but this info may be of use to someone (and hopefully me in the future). Go to google, and type in "chinese for the adoptive parent". It should lead to a website geocities.com/bobkatjane/ChinesefortheAdoptiveParent.html
This has very helpful phrases that can help ease a child's transition.

[need2learnchinese]

I adopted my daughter when she was 22months. She talked a lot Chinese to me. I talked back in English. We understood each other pretty well at that time. Now she turned to 7 and didn't know any Chinese. We decide to learn some Chinese together this year.