[loriofva]

Im pregnant w/ our 3rd boy. My husband and I have always wanted a girl for all 3 of our kids. We are of course happy w/ the boys but we feel like our family is not complete w/out a girl. I am having the 3rd boy in nov and I would like to adopt a girl who is not too far apart in age from the 3rd. Since it takes so long to adopt i guess nows the time to start. Is it allowed to start the pr ocess when youre still pregnant? Our 3rd will be here in nov. i would like to get everything or as much as possible before the busy time comes w/ the new baby. When the baby is about 1yr /18 mo would be the perfect time (in our opinions) to have the last one.

Is this allowed? I was adopted from korea and i am of course korean. I was adopted from holt. i live in va. I must say I feel like im an 'expert' at adoption since i've been there my whole life. it was a hard decision to decide on adoption. we really wanted our own but it seems like its meant to be to adopt now. after 3 c sections i just cant go through another one.

anyone - if anyone knows or has an opinion please repsond ...

[Paciencia]

I don't know much about this but I think that some agencies require 12 months between a birth and an adoption. I also read on a website that if you are considering adopting from Korea the wait is about 2 years...although since you are Korean yourself, maybe the timeframe will be faster. I think you should call an agency and ask these questions. I am sure they will have ready answers for you.

[LJR1974]

We recently gave birth and adopted. The agency I contacted said we had to wait until 1 year after giving birth or adopting to start the process.

A friend of mine was in process for Korea w/ another agency. They got pg unexpectedly and were forced to put their adoption on hold. The agency said once their bio child is 1 year old, they can be put back on the list.

So from what I know, you have to wait 1 year after you give birth until you can even begin (so for you that'd be Nov 09). But I'm not 100% sure if that's an agency policy or a Korea policy. I'd call a couple agencies and ask.

[sak9645]

In virtually all cases, you will not be allowed to apply while you are pregnant.

One reason is that there are too many uncertainties. As an example, while we all hope that your child will be healthy, there is a risk with any pregnancy that the child will be born with physical, mental, or emotional special needs, possibly severe one.

Clearly, if a child is born with special needs, it will affect things like the family's finances -- there are likely to be ongoing expenses for medical care, special schooling, and so on -- and the family's workload. It may not make sense for the family to take on the task of adoption.

But even if a child is born perfectly healthy, EVERY birth (or adoption) is a life-changing event. Whether dramatically or subtly, it changes the family's dynamics -- the relationship between the spouses, the relationship between parents and children, the relationship among the children.

As a result, most agencies will require you to wait approximately one year from the time your child is born to the time you begin the adoption process. This will let you -- and the homestudy process -- evaluate how, if at all, the birth of your child affects things like your energy level for parenting another child, your relationship with your spouse, the behavior of your other children, your finances, and so on.

If you go with the agency through which you were adopted, you are likely to find that it has some of the strictest requirements, but it is unlikely that you will be able to walk into ANY agency while pregnant, and be handed an application.

Also be aware that many countries have rules about the timing of adoptions. This is despite the fact that many countries are seeing longer waits for adoption nowadays -- and Korea is no exception, because the number of adoptable babies is declining.

I wish you well with your current pregnancy, and hope that you will decide to proceed with your dream of adopting a girl, once your son is born.

Sharon

[LJR1974]

Originally Posted by loriofva

When the baby is about 1yr /18 mo would be the perfect time (in our opinions) to have the last one.

One thing I forgot to add is that, I'm not sure if you realize, but the babies coming out of Korea are now about 9-13 months old at homecoming (someone correct me if this is wrong). They aren't newborns. So if you wanted your 4th child to arrive about a year to 18 months after your 3rd child, this would make dc #3 and dc #4 really close together in age. It's called artificial twinning, and in general it is not recommended and many times not allowed by agencies and countries (including Korea).

But if you began when ds #3 was 1 year, it might take 1.5 years to get #4 home (so ds #3 will be 2.5) but they will only be 18ish months apart in age.

Does that make sense?

[loriofva]

this is what im afraid of ... 2 years is a long time ... so that means we might not be able to have our 4th until the 3rd is about 3 maybe 4 years old. so the kids will be in 3 or 4 different schools, different activites, etc... my first 3 are pretty spaced out ... hence the wish to have to the last 2 more close in age. I dont want the oldest and the youngest to be so far apart they dont feel close. you know at disney you have to be 4 before you can do lots of activities ... its more time before the last one can pull his own luggage ... (we travel a lot) LOL

I hope it doesnt seem crazy ... 4 is a lot of kids ... w/ the 3rd we're getting a full time live in au pair. I am also planning on going part time when the 4th comes (if we have it) else part time after the 3rd one.

thanks for the responses. i appreciate the help. im surprised w/ all the crazy rules this one isnt spelled out.

Originally Posted by Paciencia

I don't know much about this but I think that some agencies require 12 months between a birth and an adoption. I also read on Holt's website that if you are considering adopting from Korea the wait is about 2 years...although since you are Korean yourself, maybe the timeframe will be faster. I think you should call an agency and ask these questions. I am sure they will have ready answers for you.

[karla-k]

you could adopt a toddler once your youngest son is older. I know some folks don't like the artificial twinning, but if your youngest son is 2.5 and you adopt an 18 month old, you could fulfill the year wait and still have them close in age.

We are adopting from Kyrgyzstan and our process is going very quickly. We applied in May and are now #1 on our agency's list for a boy. It is very likely our youngest child and the new baby will be only about 18-21 months apart in age. My other kids are 9 and 4.

Good luck,
Karla

[loriofva]

thanks! you're right. if i can figure out an agency and get everything rolling by 1 year they wont be too far apart. this age math is always confused me!

My husband & I are very excited to have the new baby and then have the 4th. We're pretty shocked that we're going ahead w/ 4. We've been mulling it over for 3 years already. So I guess its something we really want.

i appreciate all the help!

[kim0521]

Hi!

We were in a similar situation. I have three boys. They are 7 1/2, almost 5, and 15 months. We are with Holt in NJ and they had no problem with us starting the process before he was a year old. They said it was understood that the process would take about two years.

He was born in May 2007 and we submitted our application in August 2007 (he was 3 1/2 months). It was approved in September 2007. We finished our home study in April 2008 (he was 11 months) and were officially waiting in May 2008 when my youngest turned a year old.

We are three months into our wait and expect a referral April/May of 2009 when he is about two. We should travel that fall when he will be close to 2 1/2. Our daughter should be about 9-11 months old. So that puts them at about 18 months apart. If things happen a little quicker they could be 15 months apart or I guess maybe almost two years apart if wait times increase.

I also wanted them closer - my oldest two are 2 1/2 yrs apart and my youngest two are almost 4 years apart. I have also has 3 c/s and we battled infertility and loss, that is why they are further apart than I would have liked. So this time, we knew we wanted them closer.

I have heard that with your Korean heritage that you will probably get a quicker referral, so you have time. If I were you I would probably start when the baby is 6-8 months old. But only if your agency quotes you a quicker referral. With that said, you have to be open to so many unknowns with adoption and be willing to adjust things.While I am hoping that the time lines don't change, they could. I could get an e-mail tomorrow saying the wait times are now 18-24 months from home study to Korea to referral and not 10-12 months. And they they will be another year apart. But that will be okay too!

Good Luck and feel free to ask me any questions!

Kim

What Wuz I Saying?

[BrandyHagz]

Please remember - ALL agency discussion or agency specific information MUST be shared via PM. I have deleted one post and edited another from this thread.

[camdva]

I sent you a pm. We are in VA and my husband is of Korean descent. Our timeline was shorter.