[Shawn_in_Korea]

I am a single American father whom just adopted an 8 year old Korean boy. I have known him for almost 2 years, from volunteering at his orphanage. I never planned on trying to adopt, I just saw the pain that he and the other children were in and I couldn’t stand by. I found his father and did a private adoption. As such, I have to wait 2 years before I can take him to America. If you know of a quicker way to get a visa with a private foreign adoption, please let me know.

My problem is that while he is allowed to go to school, he can’t do so until the government gives final approval to the adoption, which could take months. So, he just sits at home watching TV and playing computer games for half the day, before he goes to English classes and Tae Kwon Do. That is not a life to live. Some friends in the Army suggested to do home schooling, which I would have no problems with, except that I am not home enough and the language barrier. He speaks as much English as I speak Korean, and that is not too much. I don’t know what to do. I looked at several private schools, but they are way too expensive and the cheaper ones are usually the insanely religious ones that have me declare my allegiance to Jesus and I have to have a paper from my church, etc… That is not for me and I definitely don’t want my son to be some crazed zealot. Actually, since I started this, we I have gotten more into Buddhism. But I haven’t seen any Buddhist schools here.

My other problem is that because of his experiences with Korea and from watching me go through the adoption process, he has grown a lot of anger towards Koreans. He hates his own people and I can’t seem to help him. Even now, when we go around town or do anything, many Korean people are very rude to him, while almost all the foreign people have been really kind. It is up to him to decide, but having so much anger is not good. He is Korean and I want him to be proud of who he is, not angry. What should I do?

I was thinking of moving to another country, as I don’t have to stay in Korea for the 2 years, I just can’t go to America. What advice do you have on this? Would it be bad for him? I know it would force him to learn English faster, which he wants to do. All of the kids adopted from his orphanage went to America, so many of the kids there really want to learn English, but they lack the study skills and the proper parental push to learn. Even with me helping him and him wanting to learn, it is slow. I am an English teacher, so I would have to get that job in another country. Unfortunately most of the countries that hire are not good places to raise a family. I thought maybe Japan, as it is safe, close and pays well, but Koreans and the Japanese tend to hate each other. Any advice on this?

[sslgdl]

I really don't have an answer for you but did want to post and let you know how much I admire what you are doing. It really sounds like you have put your life aside and only want what is best for him and there are not too many people today that are willing to do that. Do you have any family here in the states? You hear all the time of people writing (harassing) their elected officials to try and get special visas. It is really bad that we let terroists in and can't let an 8 yr old in. Also have you tried going to the US Embassy there in Korea to see what they can do. If he is being shunned they way you are saying he is in Korea surely there is some type of visa he can be let in on. What state is your residence in the US - I am I don't mind doing some research if you like to see if an agency in your state can help you out. You might have to do some type of additional adoption process. Is the father still around if needed to sign additional paperwork? Let me know on these and I will be more than happy to ask some questions for you on this end.

[hlaclair]

Have you considered finding a stay at home mom on the US military base and paying them to homeschool him? It sounds like he would ilke being with Americans and I know some military wives would love the money.

[Shawn_in_Korea]

Thanks for the advice, I will ask my army friend if she can find anyone that would be willing to do it. I live a bit far away from the base , but we can manage it somehow. Any educational help is better than what we have now.

Korea is flooded with people trying to get visas to America, so there seems to be no chance of help. I usually live in Florida, but I don't remember seeing too many asians were I was, so I was thinking of moving. I have heard of too many stories of depression and despair for Koreans adopted to places where there were no other asians around, and I don't want him to suffer like that. My mom might be able to help write to the governor or something else, but I know that my home state usually doesn't have an interest in these things, especially since I am single. I really wish I was married, it would be so much better for him, but I couldn't wait to find Ms. Right or even Ms. Decent Enough to Marry (yes I am a romantic.)

[purplepixiestarr]

Hi Shawn I came accross you messages and I must say you sound like quite a guy! My husband is also an Engish teacher here in Taiwan, while I homeschool our 3 sons. We are also trying to do an independent adoption while we are here as none of the agencies will work with us as we are South African, so our only other solution seems to be independent adoption. I just wanted to find out what you had decided, one of the posts I read you were trying to decide where else in the world to go to, and I was just wanting to ask if you have thought about Taiwan? and did you finally adopt your 2nd son? and perhaps a 3rd? I know that if we adopt from Taiwan we apparently will have to readopt when we are back in South Africa - is this the same for you? Anyway, just thought I'd drop you a line and say that I hope all is well with you and your boys! If you want to email me my address is purplepixiestarr@hotmail.com. Regards Starr

[nancyinoh]

This is a joke. As far as I know, Korea doesn't permit single foreigners to adopt. I see that "Shawn" is banned. Nice try.

[spitzlvr]

The OP of this thread is banned, so you won't be able to get a response from him.

Nancy, just curious - what do you hope is a joke?

[Joyful1]

Why is Shawn banned? I have really enjoyed reading his posts from Korea.

[specialk4b]

We do not discuss moderator actions. Since the OP is no longer participating, I am closing this thread.