[dcookie]

I think there's a danger of looking at every development milestone and passing issue through the lens of, "Oh, that's because (s)he's adopted." It's not like bio kids are all perfectly adjusted. I know clingy bio kids, bio kids with identity issues, bio kids who have night terrors, self-esteem issues, cultural acceptance issues, etc. I'm a white, heterosexual, college-educated male professional in employment—and I had/have many issues!

Just sayin'.

[P&Emom]

I agree with dcookie.

[momfirst]

Amen to that...Mandy

[Zachary'sMommy]

I agree! A few weeks ago at church, my son was getting a little fussy (which is a rare occurrence!) because it was his naptime. This lady came up to me and said, "Dont' worry. He'll get adjusted eventually." Okay, so I'm assuming that bio kids never get fussy, am I right? They are of course always perfect little angels and never cry, even when they are exhausted.... Obviously if my son so much as whimpers, he is having "issues." Grrrrrr...

[Carlee1boy]

Amen to that!

As the mother to two boys, one adopted and one not, I clearly see that issues are going to come up at some time or another for any child!

In our latest homestudy visit (we are in the process of adopting a girl this time) our social worker asked the impact another adoption would have on our children. I said that though it may change as they get older, the main issue right now is the fact that we are adding another BABY to the family. Jealousy and all those feelings would be there whether she is adopted or not.

Well said dcookie. I know at times even I am guilty of wondering "is it because he was adopted..." Thanks for reminding us that we all have issues.

Carolyn

[sussgirl]

Oh, yeah, my 4-yr-old bio daughter is perfect. She never cries, always sleeps through the night, shares with everyone, and eats vegetables. Perhaps I should join Liars Anonymous.

We attended a seminar at our agency in March. The first two hours were spent discussing "issues" adopted children might have. I have to say many of those adopted child "issues" applied to my bio daughter too.

Kids are kids. They are cute, crazy, sweet, and annoying. They irriate and impress, give us joy and heartache.

I'm not saying that some kids don't have issues that need to be addressed. Bio and adopted do. But most things are just the nature of children to be unpredictable.

My opinion...

Michelle

[proudmommyof 2]

Dennis has been home now for 4 years, since he was 1. We have friends who we met who adopted their son in Russia at the same time, same age. My mom sometimes still asks me how this other boy is adjusting.

[hopeful2adopt]

I don't have my baby home yet, but I have to say a big Amen to what everyone has said. I have worked with young children for 12 years and they all have the opportunity to have issues as they develop.

[ahfdragonfly]

You got that right, Sean!! Heck, we all have our issues!

[Shrken7]

My name is Sherry...

and I'm still not adjusted.

Can I get a Hi Sherry?

[ahfdragonfly]

Hi Sherry!!

My name is Millie ...
I, too am out of alignment!

[Shrken7]

Hi Millie !

[MissyAmomChina]

Hi,

Ok, I'm guilty of being overly anxious about some adoption issues when my daughter was newly home--despite the fact that she had a wonderful transition. I participated in some larger online adoption groups (not here). There the discussion is that all children with adoption have issues. All kids are traumatized. All children who were in oprhanages (this is a Chinese adoption group) have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Good sense told me in the beginning that "all" simply can't apply to a group of children. Yet as the anxiety of new motherhood took ahold of me and sleep deprivation took it's toll, I started over thinking some things. I found myself thinking "Is this an adoption/orphanage issue?" Well, as I calmed down and sleep became more of regular thing, my rationality came back. I thought to myself "My daughter is an individual and label or no label, as her mother, I do what's best to meet her needs."

Now, as I watch my very typical daughter thrive, I can read the lists again. And I've even had a good laugh or two. Once a discussion came up over 2-3 year olds having fears of fireworks and costume characters (people dressed up as mascots etc). Well, I kid you not, the list started to associate these extremely normal fears and tie them to being adopted!

[adoptkoreablog]

Perfectly adjusted people frighten me.

There does seem to be a group of people out there who think that adopted children should either be perfect or wounded.

Mo

[beccakinn]

Dear dcookie
Just surfin' from another forum and I COMPLETELY agree with you. I am so grateful to have a biological son for so many reasons. You've now highlighted another - at least I have some kind of idea about general childhood 'issues' and won't attribute everything to adoption 'issues.' By the way, you other members, "HI!" and I'm not perfect either!!
Love to all
Becca