[Babybmine]

I think I finally understand the process for Korea adoptions, however there is one thing I dont understand. we are considering using CHSFS (thank you for everyone who pmd me) and we are looking at their waiting child program. I have heard that you pick from a list of children, instead of being referred one. Is this true? I am not sure if I am totally confortable with that. I mean I am ok picking a child, but what about the ones that I dont pick? I am afraid that I will stay up at night worried about these children. Does anyone know if this is true and how did you handle it?
Thanks for your advice and please forgive my ignorance on this subject.
Carla

[tinkerbell11599]

We didn't consider a waiting child for us so I can't comment except to say this: I think you do select the child yourself. But with a referral it isn't like you HAVE to accept that referral that is being presented to you either. You can choose to accept it or not accept it. Good luck!!

Jen

[dcookie]

Yes, I worried about what we would do if we had to refuse our first referral. It does happen from time to time. We heard about the other child that came through and we would have had to say "no" to that child. It's very sad, but remember that you are not just saving a child, you are making a family. Every family has its own idea of what it's comfortable with, what it's limitations are, and that's absolutely necessary for everyone concerned. If you bit off more than you could chew, all would suffer. Take the whole system into considertation and that might make things clearer. Hope this helps.

[Babybmine]

Thanks guys, you are the best.
Carla

[abcolo]

I think many of the WIC placements are matched before they make it to the photolisting. I would call Peg or Jill and ask them this question or you could post this question on the CHSFS or Holt boards.

Andrea

[hopefully4]

We adopted a waiting infant from CHSFS and we were allowed to choose which child to receive information on, but only received information on one and adopted him. Our situation was a little different because we adopted from Ethiopia, but I think the rules are across the board.

Katie

[abcolo]

Katie-

There are children in the Korea program that are WIC and not photo listed ever, they are presented to families before photolisting just as the general program referrals are presented to families. Is this not the case with Ethiopia? Are all the Ethiopia WIC at CHSFS listed on the photolisting?

[sussgirl]

We turned down our first referral based on the baby's medical conditions. I cried for almost three days straight because I was so worried about what would happen to the baby. My husband assured me that he just wasn't meant for us and that there was another family out there who was perfect for him.

I still worry every so often, but I know it was the right decision for us. It's so hard, but we had to be true to what we could handle. If we had a child who developed problems later on, of course we would love him/her and do everything that needed to be done. Making the decision in advance was awful.

After turning it down, I didn't want another referral and I felt so unworthy. But now, a month later, I am excited again to get a new referral. I have a great deal of hope!

Michelle

[racytracy]

Our son was a waiting child through CHSFS and we received a standard referral, just as one would through the non-WIC program.
Our situation as a bit different, in that another family had received his referral and sat on it for 6 weeks before making a decision! So, as a mommy who had to wait a longer time than necessary to receive a referral (and received out-of-date information regarding height, weight, etc), I would ask anyone who turns down a referral to do so promptly. If your gut tells you no, listen to it--time isn't going to make you more comfortable with any potential issues, and you don't want to talk yourself into a situation because you really, really want everything to be OK and you want a child. If that makes any sense.

Tracy

[hopefully4]

You know, I am not sure about the Ethiopia program procedure for photolisting, but I know my son was photo-listed, but only for about a week. I think that they photo-list pretty quickly for that program. Do you just get a list in the Korea program of waiting children to sift through? That would make the decision far harder. The Ethiopia program can give brief descriptions, but not photos of the kids, which I think also makes the decision easier because then you don't have to look at all the beautiful faces before selecting. Keep in mind though, that we sent our homestudy in on a Thursday and picked a waiting child on that Friday, so my situation is not typical.
Katie

[teachamy]

Our son is a Waiting Child, and yes, I do still sometimes log in and look at the other waiting children (particularly Korean baby boys) who have yet to be matched. I say a little silent prayer for them, certainly. I also look at the "Recently Matched" page, as it does provide some comfort. Through our agency, my husband and I applied to the Korea program, but kept our eyes open to The Waiting Child webpage. When we saw Nolan, we read his description, requested his medical records, had them reviewed by a specialist, and now he's our son! I feel like keeping our options open in this way helped us make the right decision for our family.

My very best,
Amy