[sussgirl]

Hey all! We got our referral this afternoon...a complete shock because we thought it would be at least two more months...but, the birthmother did drink alcohol. We're told either 3 shots of soju or 3 bottles of beer three times a week up until the sixth month.

For those of you who are past the referral process, did you see a similar amount of consumption? We're told that it's not uncommon in Korea for the pregnant women to drink.

We're also told the baby (who is 6 wks old) was born full term and is growing properly at his regular checkups.

Of course we're going to consult an international doc...we're going into the office tomorrow to get the paperwork, etc, but everyone here is such a great resource that I wanted to hear your experience on this topic.

Thanks!

Michelle

[ahfdragonfly]

I don't have referral experience, but do know that my sis-in-law drank quite a bit during her first pregnancy. Including finishing a gallon of wine with her dh on her wedding night, she would have been 3 mos along at that time. Her daughter is now in her first year of college & finishing her jr year of high school, at the same time. S yes, it is possible to drink & have a perfectly healthy baby.

Good luck & congrats!!!!! If you accept the referral, can we see pics?

Millie

[tinkerbell11599]

With our son, there was no consumption of alcohol listed by the birthmom. We are in the process of adopting his biological sister (just waiting for the call) and we suspect that there may have been some at the beginning because of how she met the birthfather but there is nothing listed. She is currently 6 months old but spent almost the first two months in the hospital due to infections that she had.

I would definitely have a doctor who specialized in international adoptions take a look at this referral for you. Some doctors will charge you for reviewing it and require you to have your child's 1st visit with them. But if you're concerned it will be worth it. Make sure that you bring the pictures of the child along with the rest of the referral with you to the doctor's.

I know that with our agency, we were told that we could ask for updates on the child. Korea may or may not fulfill your request for the update but this way, if you accept this referral, you might be able to get an update on the child that you can pass along to the pediatrician to see if this is normal development.

As Millie already said, good luck and congrats!!

Jen

[gretty]

Hi Michelle,
I PM'd you.

I'd also like to second the request for photos if you accept.

[teachamy]

hi Michelle,
There was no alcohol consumption mentioned in our referral, but Nolan's birthmom is only 15. I did notice a baby on a Waiting Children page that was listed as clearly suffering the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, so it is occasionally diagnosed in Korea. I look forward to hearing what the doc has to say. Good luck and keep us posted!

[Zachary'sMommy]

Congratulations on the referral! I hope that the meeting with the doctor goes well and you get some answers to your questions.


Beth
(Zachary's Mommy)

[Red Dragonfly]

I PM'd you.

[sussgirl]

Thanks everyone for your great stories and insight. Unless the specialist says something dire, we're going to accept the referral. As soon as it's official, I'll post his cute picture (hopefully by Monday).

Thanks!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

[dcookie]

The worries about alcohol consumption are understandable but in many countries pregnant mothers drink regularly and there are few health effects. Statistically, it's not an issue with Korea. If it was, it wouldn't have such a good rep for healthy babies. I mean, to put it crudely, how could the various agencies stay in business if it was a problem? One of the great things about Korea is that the kids are with foster parents. Personally, I'd be more concerned with the effects of oprhanage-care in other countries, than about alcohol-related issues.

Our referral included the info that our little girl's birthmother drank a few times a month. I took that with a pinch of salt, knowing that a mother naturally wants to give her child the best chance of a good placement and may polish the truth a little. Basically, we looked at other things like her weight and growth rates, which are bang-on normal.

Photos were a help too. We got three. I scanned them and e-mailed them to our pediatrician who deals a lot with Korean adoptees. Her reaction was that everything looks normal and is in line with all the other healthy babies she sees coming out of Korea.

:-)

[teachamy]

Hello dcookie!
I just wanted to say I went to Ellie's blog, and she is such a beautiful baby! Won't it be great when we can take our own pictures of our babies so they don't look utterly shocked when the flash goes off? Nolan looks like he was about a second from screaming in the latest picture I have of him!

[sak9645]

... is at considerable risk for developing significant, lifelong learning and behavioral problems.

Before agreeing to accept an alcohol exposed baby, you should familiarize yourself with fetal alcohol syndrome and fetal alcohol effect, and see if you would be comfortable parenting a child who might have these conditions.

You should also have your referral reviewed by an international adoption medical specialist with strong experience in fetal alcohol syndrome. I will PM you the name of the woman who heads one of the most respected fetal alcohol programs in the U.S., and who works with a lot of adoptive families.

While a doctor can't be absolutely certain of the child's status, just by looking at a photo and medical report, there ARE some physical features associated with fetal alcohol syndrome.

If a doctor sees these features, he/she can advise you that the likelihood of FAS/FAE in the referred child is very great, so you can make your decision accordingly.

However, some FAS/FAE children will NOT have these physical features, and you will have to make your decision, based upon the birthmother's reported alcohol use.

Sharon

[sussgirl]

Thanks again to everyone who replied. We had our referral reviewed by a specialist and he didn't have anything positive to say about the referral. After much deliberation and many tears we decided to turn down the referral. It was so hard and we spent a very difficult weekend, but we know we made the right decision. We're back on the list and hopefully the next referral will be an easy one.

[ahfdragonfly]

I'm so sorry! It must have been a verry difficult decision. I hope your next referral comes quickly & is very easy to accept.

Millie

[hopeful2adopt]

I am so sorry that this referral didn't work out. I'm glad you had a specialist review it though and were able to make a decision that was informed...that seems like the best way to do it I hope your next referral goes well. Best wishes to you.

Sharon