[gretty]

Hello all,

I've been lurking on this board for a long time now, eavesdropping on all your conversations and learning a lot! We've been very anxiously awaiting our little one, and last night we got our referral!! Unfortunately, we're not very comfortable with this little guy because his birthmom drank two bottles of Soju (25% alcohol, 350 mL per bottle) 2 - 3 times per month all through her pregnancy. Its so terribly difficult to say no to this baby, he's absolutely adorable! I was wondering what were your experiences with birthmom drinking? Is our situation unusual? It seems like an awful lot of alcohol to me! My husband and I are particularly worried about fetal alcohol syndrome - we're aware of its terrible consequences - and were hoping with Korean adoption we would minimize the chances. Though of course we know adoption is a leap of faith and all situations carry a risk!

Any thoughts are appreciated!

[mcdandw]

There are International Adoption Clinics. Which could evaluate his health situation even with him not being actually there!

I would post and try to find a location of where these are I know there is one in Seattle and one I think in Cleveland.

There is a lot of alcohol usuage in International Adoptions and also very little pre-natal care in some Countries.

[jennandsteve]

You might post your question on the Russia forum and/or check out old posts. I know I have seen FAS issues raised there quite a lot.

Jenn

[hockeyMom]

Our frist daughter, now age 4, had a similar experience while in utero. Her bmom drank 3-4 bottle thru her 8 month of pregnancy and smoked cigarrettes as well. We had her evaluated by Dr. Jeri Ann Jenista, who has children from Korea who are special needs. We faxed her all the info and she called me when she reviewed it so we could go through it together. She did not see any thing that caused alarms. As a result, my daughter is reading at a 2nd grade level while still in preschool! She is perfectly healthy and we are so glad that we accepted her referral 5 years ago!

FAS/FAE does not affect each pregnancy so it is difficult to say whether or not this little guys has been affected unless you get his medicals and photo evaluated.

Good Luck,

[mattmiamom]

Our daughter now 4 years old was exposed to alcohol and cigarettes in-utero. We took the medical history, referral pictures and development status papers to our pediatrican. He saw no indication of any problems. She is a very bright and healthy 4 year old. Alot of parents I know who have adopted internationally (Korean and Russia) had bmoms who drank and or smoke during some or all of their pregnancies.

My advise would be to make an appointment with a pediatrican. If you don't have or know one check with the local children's hospital in your area.

Adoption just like pregnacy is a leap of faith. Good luck with this very difficult decision.


Susan
Mom to Matt (7) and Mia (4) both Korean

[gretty]

Thanks to all of you for your replies to my post. We had a pediatrician evaluate our referral photos and med documents. He thinks he looks great! Growth and all is right on target, and a sparkle in his eyes! My husband is still concerned, however, and we're getting additional opinions. We want to decide quickly for the baby's sake, and ours!

Your comments are very much appreciated, especially those of you who have had this experience. We know there are no sure bets with adoption, and that we'll love our child no matter what. But we also need to know what we're getting into. God bless the Korean adoption program for being so credible and providing so much information!

[hockeyMom]

Congrats on getting a good sign from your Ped! What a relief!!! I will be watching to see if you can say... He's OUrs!

Good Luck,

[lisah]

Our daughter was exposed to cigarettes through the 2 or 3rd month and soju through the 5th on a weekly basis. We had our ped look at her picture and he said she didn't have any physical signs, but could still have it. She's only 2, but boys is she smart as a whip!

I don't regret our decision for a second!

Lisa

[gretty]

He's ours!! We're very relieved to have this decision over with, and so happy. Though I must also admit very jittery first time parents.

We hope he's home soon - now the really hard waiting begins!

[hockeyMom]

Congratulations! I am sooo excited for you! Now the lonnnng wait for him to travel home and into your waiting arms! Have you decided on what his name will be??

So happy for you and your family.

Good Luck!

[mattmiamom]

Congrads! I hope your wait is short and your son's journey is a safe one.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Susan
Mom to Matt and Mia both Korean

[praying4U]

Hi there,

I understand your concerns. I just think before you turn down this referral that maybe you should go to your pediatrican. I'm in a field where I work with several health care professionals and each situation is different with a ** who drinks thorughout her pregnancy. That is, it effects each child differently. The items to look for are:

1) The photographs: does he have a small head circumference? Or do all of his head and body measurements proportional?

2) Can you see distinctive facial features, including small eyelid openings, a sunken nasal bridge, an exceptionally thin upper lip, a short, upturned nose and a smooth skin surface between the nose and upper lip?

3) Does his medicals show a heart defect? Deformities of joints, limbs and fingers?

4) Was his birthweight extremely low? Was he born premature?

I know that not all children with FAS/FAE fit into these categories, but if this referral passess all of these hurdles. . .

I would hate to see you turn down a referral where the ** was probably unaware of her actions, but the child, by the Grace of God, escaped harm and is healthy.

I hope it turns out well and ultimately, if this is just not the right child for you, know that he will find a family. Guilt is never a good reason to accept a referral-not for you or the child.

Best!!