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Originally Posted By chazachmom

Hey girls, we have a pretty great group here and it's certainly my favorite board to visit! But, yesterday I had some spare minutes and decided to check out some other topics and went into Infertility. I am a volunteer for Resolve and help out at Statewide Adoption Conference. To me it is a very rewarding way to volunteer and help couples cross that very difficult bridge from infertility to adoption. So I surfed on to Adoption After Infertility (A support for couples who have made or are ready to make that decision) and Nathan, who I believe works for Adoption.com posted about how SO MANY couples conceive after adopting. Now I know for a fact, through Resolve that these numbers are very low 10-15%, and I just feel that he is doing a disservice by posting this. Am I out of Line? I know I have never regretted our decision to adopt, my only regret was wasting too much time on infertility and not proceding sooner. Hopefully this message won't be deleted... I'd really like to hear what you all think!

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Originally Posted By Kim

I agree 100% with you! That statment is so missleading and I would like to know where his information came from. I also resented being told this by friends and relatives (even virtual strangers) when it was biologically impossible for me to become pregnant. So I take personal offense at statments like this.

I think it's wonderful that you are a volunteer for Resolve. They are an excellent organization and helped me immensely. I was referred to a support group by them who in turn recommended the adoption agency I used for both of my adoptions.

I too never regreted my decision to adopt and could kick my self for wasting money on 3 IVF tries. That could have been two more adoptions.

Kim

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Originally Posted By Sue

My husband and I are very young, both just turned 30. We tried for 4 years to have a baby of "our own". We did everything the fertility experts told us to do. I had 2 tubal pregnancies, one failed IVF cycle and have suffered from depression through all of it. when I wold our doctor we were going to stop all treatments and adopt, he laughed at us. He said we would NEVER be happy.

Well, I am back on birth control pills, I will more than likely have a complete hystorectomy within 2 years and I have never been happier in my life! Several people told myself and 3 other family members who have adopted due to infertility that now that we were relaxed we would get pregnant. well, we hate hearing these things! We have not gotten pregnant, we don't NEED to have a biological child. Our son is the most precious gift GOD could have given to us. We love him all the more because of the way we got him.

I agree that it is a dis-service to anyone trying to have a child to say that people get pregnant often after they adopt. This is not true in all cases. I am glad you brought this topic to light. I have very strong feelings on it because so many people told us we would never be completely satisfied unless we had a biological baby. What a bunch of hogwash!

Sorry, I tend to rant over thing sof this nature.

Sue

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Originally Posted By Omma

This gentleman's statistics are misleading and inaccurate. What I find most offensive is how he suggests adoption as an infertility treatment. As I say, the important thing is the parenting, not the pregnancy.

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Originally Posted By Pat

Wow... I read this post last night, and guess what I dreamed! That I got pregnant.. And I was right smack dab in the middle of our adoption. I was so nervous being pregnant in my dream, and I just wanted our waiting son home!!! I thought how can I love this baby I am carrying as much as I do my son that I have known alreay for two months!

Anyway.. in all seriousness, I think it is totally misleading, and it perhaps instills false hopes that adoptive mom's may have of becoming pregnant after or while in the adoption process. It stereo-types (sp) a situation that just doesn't exist. And what a burden to be carrying when others think, OK now they will be able to get pregnant...

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Originally Posted By Christy

well, I am one of the small percentage people of whom you speak. After loosing 4 pregnancies to miscarriage, we adopted our daughter from South korea. It seemed so natural, all I wanted was to be a mom! After we brought her home, 6 weeks later I was pregnant, and have a 20 month old son! I,my husband and the doctors have no explanation for this, biologically I was loosing the pregnancies due to the lack of HCG in my body, so why did this one happen? No clue!! I know that I was really caught up in HAVING and CARRYING a child for a long time, I was driven by it, so maybe the adoption of my daughter relaxed me in a way. No one can say for sure, except God.I think it is a disservice though to say that it happens alot, but when you think of the fact that your chances of getting pregnant under normal circumstances is like, 5%, then 10- 15% is a pretty high number, don't you think??

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Originally Posted By Sue

Christy,

I am very glad to hear that this does happen to people! We didn't mean anything negative about this actually happening, just that it gets to be a heavy burden when people expect that once you have adopted you will all of sudden get pregnant.

I have several female cousins who have not been able to carry children and have adopted. All of them adopted from Korea. None of them have gotten pregnant. Every Christmas all of us hear the same old thing, "Hang in there! You'll be pregnant before you know it!" It hurts to hear this sometimes. Not because we have not gotten pregnant, but because WE don't feel we need to. It makes it seem like they feel we should have a biological child. When in truth, we are all very happy as parents of our children.

Sorry if it sounded like I was coming down on the few lucky parents who do get pregnant after they have adopted. I really was not.

Sue

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Originally Posted By christy

Sue,
I truely did not take it that way, I apologize if that is the way it sounded. I was just adding my own reality and wanted to share it. Of all people, I know how it feels to loose baby after baby, and to hear the endless barage of well wishers giving me the "just relax and it will happen" lecture. Adopting my daughter from Korea was to birth of myself! I never knew I could love someone so much!!!! Then the gift of my son. After the birth of my son, I chose to have my tubes tied, and we are now adopting again from Korea.The general public thinks that women are not complete unless they give birth,or that was the feeling I picked up on during my infertility struggle. Perhaps I was more sensitive because we were trying so hard, and each month was tense. I am free now, and reveling in the joy of being a mom. Where the baby comes from is not important.IF a person who has adopted, still feels the need to have a child biologically, i can say," it happened to me!". but my choice to tie my tubes after the birth of my son, is also my testimony to the love of my children who are adopted. Does that make sense?

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Originally Posted By Sue

Christy,

You and your family have truely been blessed! I understand completely. The love of a child is such that is uncomparable to anything on earth. I wish I had known 10 years ago how much i would love being the mother to my son, Alexander, who's 2nd birthday is today. He is the light of my life and I would give anything for him always! I just did not want you to think I was not for having children biologically. Believe me, I think it is a beautiful thing, to have children. I just think it is beautiful no matter how you have them! Many people I know do not feel that way which is very sad. Congratulations to you and your family. I know how terrific it is to be a Mommy!

Sue