[abjbadopt]

We adopted form Kazakhstan and we were told (by translator and our agency) that women sometimes give up their babies if they are unmarried. And in that culture it is looked down on to have a baby out of wedlock and they will be shunned. Is this true? Have you heard of this?

I am writing our daughter's lifebook and want to have all the facts right.

Thanks!

[mcooks]

Yes. I think in our (American) society we take for granted the social and financial freedom that women have. There are many places in the world where it is still difficult for women to obtain an education, have a career, own property, and raise children as single parents. Some people from other cultures cannot imagine a single woman who is educated, owns a home, and has a substantial income. I think this is why some country adoption programs are not as accepting of single parent applicants. Also, there is still a social/religious stigma attached to just simply having a child out of wedlock.

[BrandyHagz]

I wouldn't put anything in her lifebook about why she was placed unless you are 110% certain.

In this day and age - more and more international adoptions are fully open and more and more adoptees adopted abroad are seeking out their first families once they are adults. It would be better to leave it unsaid and/or suggest the 'typical reasons' why this takes place in Kaz than to have your daughter grow up with one idea and have her world rocked by the truth.

Try to stick to the facts and you'll be just fine!

[abjbadopt]

Her birth mother wrote a letter saying she was unmarried and that she didn't have money to support a child. So that along with what we were told makes it seem as though this was part of the reason. I just wanted to know if others had heard this.

[abjbadopt]

Here is a part of what I was going to write on the subject, in the life book:

When a woman is not married and she gives birth to a baby it is sometimes looked down upon in Kazakhstan. If the woman keeps the baby, she and the baby are sometimes shunned by their families and they get no help at all. People can be mean to them.

Also, sometimes women don't have the money or time or right kind of place to live to care for a baby. They have to do what is best for the baby's health and wellbeing, so sometimes they have the babies brought to the orphanage so that they can be cared for and maybe adopted.



After you were born your birth mother had to make a big grown up decision. She wanted you to be taken care of but she didn’t have money to take care of a baby and she may not have had any help from family because she wasn't married.

Babies need a lot of care! They need lots of diapers, clothing, food, a warm house (because it gets so cold there) and a safe crib. Your birthmother wanted you to have the things that you needed. She made a decision to leave you at the maternity hospital and then have you brought to the orphanage so you could be taken care of. I’m sure she loved you very much and was sad to leave you. But she was probably happy to know you would be cared for.

[mcooks]

I think that's great to put in your daughter's life book.

[AdptnAChld]

One thing we are going to do is impress upon our child that his birth mother didn't "give him up". Rather she chose to have another mommy and daddy raise and parent him. That she loved him very much and her love for him is one of the reasons she chose to have another family parent him. She will always be his first mommy and his birth mommy. I'm his 2nd mommy and his mommy that will raise him and be beside him in life. Does that make sense??

[abjbadopt]

Thanks for your comments. I talked to the woman who wrote 'Lifebooks, Creating a Treasure For the Adopted Child' -you should get the book if you don't have it, it's great!

She, as an adoptee and adoptive parent said she prefers to call her daughters birth mother by her first name. As it is less confusing to the child. I think this is a good idea instead of birth mommy/first mommy. Because little kids can be confused and become insecure easily. I also feel like I am my daughters only mommy, she does have a birth mother, but I am mommy. I am not saying that out of disrespect but that is how I feel.

Has anyone completed a lifebook for thier child? Do your kids like it and can you give me any tips?

Thanks again!

[onehappymom]

Yes, it's true.