[lovestruck]

Sorry if this was posted before, but if it was I missed it.

The following was sent to me by a fellow adoptamommie.

The following suggestions were written by teenagers who live in the U.S and were adopted both internationally and domestically.

It's some of the best advice I've read!!

Suggestions for Adoptive Parents

1. Don't obsess about it. Stop worrying. We are OK.

2. Don't make a big deal about adoption issues in public. If someone says something insensitive, just be supportive.

3. Get as much info as possible about your child's history and share it with him. Don't keep info from us. Think how it would feel if someone kept asking you about your past and the only answer you got was "I don't know."

4. Teach kids how to stick up for themselves because other kids and adults say mean things. Show your kids how to handle it.

5. Our birth culture is very important to us. We feel protective of our culture. The culture of our bio. families is OUR HISTORY.

6. Those of us adopted internationally are not "just Americans" like our parents and classmates.

7. Be honest. Don't hide info.

8. Prepare to talk about birth parents. We worry about hurting your feelings so we don't bring it up.

9. No one needs to feel sorry for us. We are happy!

10. Re: teasing - VALIDATE! Don't say, "I'm sure he didn't mean it" or don't try to fix it. Say "It stinks!"

11. Some of us feel a little sadness on our birthdays. We don't know the story of our birth. Our birthday represents the day someone left us. Adoption day is the day someone came to get us.

[DET62]

I think this probably applies more to teens who were adopted as babies, but it's very good advice. I imagine folks who adopt babies tend to want to forget about the fact their kids have a difference heritage and view them as completely "normal" - understandable, but the teens need to be heard.

My daughter was adopted at 13, so there's no question about her not knowing her past or her birth family - and therein is a problem, since they were very abusive and neglectful. Kids adopted as babies or younger kids have it much easier.

I think the biggest thing parents have to do is keep lines of communication OPEN. Secondly, they have to be sensitive about a child's need to acknowledge their history, and learn as much as possible. So this is good advice.

Dee

Dee