[Dogsled]

A little background: we presently have a 3 year old son, and we will be getting our dossier in to Kazakhstan in January, hoping to travel to adopt an infant in 2008. Our son is a terrific, smart and loving boy, but he's definitely a high energy child, and a very big and strong one to boot. Sitting through an hour of mass on Sundays is challenging for him -- he's learned to do it, but it wasn't easy, and I say that just to give you a frame of reference.

So our one big area of uncertainty with the Kazakhstan adoption is whether to try to bring our son along with us, or whether to try to arrange some combination of parents (who don't live nearby), nanny and so forth to look after him while we're away. Related questions include whether to stay for the entire time, make two separate trips (bringing our son on either or both legs), or try to arrange an escort for the infant (either so we don't have to travel with our son for as long or be away from him for so long).

Anyways, I don't really expect anyone to try to unravel all those issues for us, but it would be very helpful if anyone could share thoughts about what it would be like to make the trip with a young child. Even if you didn't do it yourself or know anyone who did, we would still appreciate any feedback from people who made the trip as to whether it seems like it would have been a good or bad idea to have brought a young child along, both from the standpoint of the adoption process and how our son could do there in Kazakhstan during all of it.

I have these three competing ideas in my head. The first is this very romantic idea of the three of us going on this big adventure to Kazakhstan and it being a great life experience and bonding experience for all concerned. The second is this picture of us being at wit's end trying to handle our son during travel and all the time there, and worse, having our ability to focus on the infant and the adoption process negatively impacted because of it. The third is the guilt and heartbreak to be away from our son for all that time if we were to leave him at home.

Thanks so much for any experiences, observations or opinions you could share with us.

[DET62]

I didn't take my 15 year old daughter with me to kaz for my son's adoption last spring. I couldn't afford the ticket, and I needed her to stay home and help my mother, who lives with us and is partially disabled due to severe arthritis.

We had some challenges with her when I got home, over unauthorized cell phone use. She felt abandoned and acted out. However, I didn't feel like I could have made any other decision. There just wasn't any easy choice.

With a 3 year old, I would definitely take the child. There needs to be bonding with the sibling, and to a 3 year old, several weeks without mom and dad will seem like an eternity and could hamper him emotionally.

That said, be sure and get your pediatrician to give you a prescription for some common childhood things, and take Children's Motrin, etc. those things are available in Kaz but hard to buy unless you have a translator with you who is very familiar with kids. They just don't have there what we have here.

I'd get an apartment if I took a 3 year old. Be sure and take plenty of warm clothes, if you're in Northern Kaz, where it's very much like Siberia. Southern Kaz is much warmer.

If you look on my blogsite, there's a link to my trip blog, entitled Jack's New Family. Look back at entries for March and May and that will give you an idea.

Good Luck!
Dee

[hml1976]

Ok, just my opinion, many people have brought their small children and done just fine.

We left our three year old (also adopted from Kaz) at home with my parents for many reasons:

1. HEALTH CARE. Sorry for the caps but it was the major factor in our decision, Kaz has horrendous hospitals and little access to medications. We were in Uralsk, not Almaty which would have been a bit better.

2. She would have been bored stiff. We visited the babyhouse twice a day, it was hot when we were there and there is nothing to do. She's an active little bugger and would have gone nuts.

3. This only applies to us, our daughter is Kazakh and we thought it would be confusing for her to not understand people who would speak to her.

Something else to keep in mind, many babyhouses (including the one our kids are from) do not allow siblings to accompany their parents on bonding visits, so you would need to bring a sitter or split your daily visits so one parent is always with your son at the apt.

When making our decision we really thought hard about what would be best for our daughter, not just for us. We would have rather had her with us and not have missed her so much, but we made the tough decision to let her hang out with Grandma and Grandpa at the beach because it was better for her.

Good luck!

[mlb]

We brought our 7 year old son as well as my father to Karaganda. I can't say what it would be like for a 3 year old but our trip with my older son went very well. We brought a carry on of toys, books and things for him to do. Our son stayed back with my dad at times for one of the visits a day. It gave us some time to bond with the baby as well as gave my older son a break and to get some special time with Papa. We went this past May and just tonight he wrote in his homework that he went to Kazakhstan and was an "awesome" trip.
We deliberately picked an agency that would let us bring our son to the orphanage daily. I had antibiotics for all of us, including pink eye meds (which we did use). Good luck with whatever you choose.

[Dogsled]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts. We are very fortunate to benefit from your experiences.

MLB, did you take your child and your father for the whole process, or just the first (orphanage) part?

And to anyone, do your recommendations (pro or con) depend at all on whether we were going to bring our son for the entire process versus bringing him just for one portion of the process?

[mlb]

We took my dad and son for the 25 day first trip. My husband went back by himself to bring Alex home. My dad was so excited to see where his grandkids came from and it gave my husband someone to play cards with Reasearch where you are going, we definitely had a routine, but there was a lot to do. We were constantly taking walks, going to the mall, bowling, etc. It's not NYC, but I have friends that went and never left their hotel room besides going to the orphanage. I'm glad that we experienced the city and have a lot to tell our sons. I have also heard that travel insurance is pretty inexpensive. Another friend of mine went (her mom went too) and for 3 adults and one child it was only $150.