[pdq]

Hi! I wanted to welcome all of you to the Kazakhstan discussion board. I will be happy to assist you in any way that I can. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have.

My husband and I live in NW Ohio and we have 5 children, 3 of whom were adopted from Kazakhstan using Building Blocks Adoption Service from Medina, OH. We adopted Tayte (9m) and Karenna (23m) in Jan 2001. Their adoptions took 7 m from start to finish. Then we were returned to adopt Garrett (33m) in Dec 2001. His adoption took only 5 m to complete because we already had INS approval from the first time. All three of our adopted children were from baby house #1 in Almaty. We also have 2 biological children. That makes 5 children - 5 yrs and under - WHEW! Quinton is 5.5 yrs old. Karenna and Garrett are both 4 yrs old. Tayte is 3 yrs old and Aneesa was born in Nov 2002. I am a SAHM. My greatest joys are watching my children learn and play together. I enjoy scrapbooking, gardening, decorating, and flea market shopping.


I look forward to hearing from you all!
Pat

[needsleepmommy]

Dear Pat,

My sister and husband are on their way home from Kazakhstan without the five year old they had planned to adopt. My entire family is quite shaken by their decision. They had been waiting for over six months and had already spent three weeks with this boy. My main concern is this child's welfare and emotional health. According to their emails, he was already calling his daddy "PaPa". Do you have any idea how many of these orphans have failed adoptions? I am not sure how many places their are in the area but it seems that more precautions needed to be taken not to get these children's hopes up only to be let down. I am an adoptive mother and cannot possibly understand how they came to this decision. I would appreciate your input.

Needsleepmommy

[pdq]

This is such a tough topic! I know that it happens, though, and not just in Kazakhstan. Sometimes the local judges will deny an adoption based upon the income of the adoptive family (too low) &/ possibly the mood of the judge that particular day (very rare). I also know of families (one was there when we adopted) that changed their minds about the adoption after meeting the child.

I think all adoptive parents need to keep their expectations of their child in perspective. They may not seem "normal" in the sense of what we perceive as being "normal" for a child in the US - at least not first on. Their culture, language, dress, etc is quite different from us. They have been subjected to life living in an orphanage. Its almost as if they are living a life completely opposite of our own.

Its possible that your sister and her husband had too high of expectations from the moment they met their potential child. Maybe they realized they were getting themselves into a situation that they didn't feel comfortable handling for the long-haul. Maybe there was a problem with their paperwork. Maybe the child had an undisclosed medical condition that was not apparent before they traveled.

Either way - this is exactly why the Kaz government requires adoptive families to visit and interact with the children for 2 wks before going to court. The Kaz government is just as concerned about something like this happening as we are. They want to make sure the children will bond and be loved by their adoptive parents. I can say with all honestly that the caretakers in our children's orphanage were watching and listening to us all the time during our visits. They want to make sure we establish a good relationship with the children before going to court. Also, the asst director of the orphanage (in our case) had to go to court to testify on the orphanage's behalf that we had started developing good relations with our children.

I have no idea how often something like this happens, but I know it does occasionally happen. Keep in mind, when we adopted the first time, we were given a tour of the orphanage. My husband and I went to visit the 3 yr old group. There was one particular little boy that came right up to my husband (first time he ever saw him) and said, "DaDa?" Its such a shame, but even a 3 yr old understood what happens when a new mommy and daddy come to the orphanage. All the children are hoping for this to happen to them. This same little boy did the same thing with another couple that was there the same time we were.

The only reason I know of that a family was denied an adoption based upon their income happened quite recently. Several families were hoping to adopt 2 children. Their facilitator in Kaz strongly suggested they only apply to adopt one child. That's what they did. They just adopted one, instead of two. I believe this may just be agency-related. We adopted 2 children at once and had no problems. I don't know of any couples denied adoptions based upon income that used the same agency that we did.

Please let us know what happened with your sister if possible. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

Pat

[needsleepmommy]

Dear Pat,

Thank you for your reply.

I am an adoptive mom of two children 12 and 9. When we started the process, I resented the intrusive questions and demands made of us to see if we were ready to adopt. Fifteen years down the road, I am convinced that agencies do a disservice to all concerned to not better prepare potential parents. Ours is a wonderful adoption story that perhaps my sister thought would happen naturally. Unfortunately for everyone in our family, my sister and her husband were not prepared for the child they had chosen.


Because my sister has three young bio children, her husband went first to stay the two weeks before court. Although he loved the country and people, he did not connect with this child. The child from all accounts was very bright and extremely active. As the court date approached, he began to question the adoption. The day my sister arrived, he told her that he would not support the adoption. My sister was crushed. She went to the child and found him to be exaltly what she expected. Unfortunately her husband had already decided not to proceed.

I had many concerns before they left because never once did the social worker ask their motivation to adopt when they had three very young children. Their youngest was not even six months old when they started. I have sinced realized that they wanted to help a child. As an adoptive mother, I feel very strongly that children need parents not people who pity them. I hurt for this little boy who had no clue that this man who spent three weeks visiting him and bringing him presents suddenly disappears. I wish there were better safeguards. Like you wrote, the small three year old knew that people were coming into the orphanage looking for children. I can only imagine what the workers told this child.

Thank you for letting me vent. My entire family feels that this all worked out for the best but all feel for the child.

[pdq]

What a heart-wrenching story! It sounds like the US social services failed this child, not the Kaz government. I think it is imperitive that all adoptive parent's motives are carefully screened. It is not an easy decision to adopt and one that should never be taken lightly. We did not adopt out of pity. We truly felt compelled to bring these children home. We trusted our faith.

I think a huge problem that adoptive parents face is knowing when the adoption "feels right". I think many families may go into the adoption thinking they will fall madly in love with the child the moment they meet. That is a huge misconception! Love takes time to grow. I did not love my adopted children the moment I met them. I fell in love with each of them over time. It happened gradually and at a pace I had no control over. But guess what - we also have a bio son. I did not love him the moment he was born either. It took 5.5 weeks for me to realize the depth of my love for him. It is unrealistic and very normal to not love your children from the moment you meet. And let's face it - its hard to love a toddler sometimes anyway. Let alone a newly adopted toddler whom you have no prior history with. It takes time!

When we adopted our youngest son (I'm being totally honest), I felt nothing for him when we went to court. I did not feel a connection with him, but I knew I would eventually. I was going on faith that this was the child God had chosen for us. I was so right! Now when I look at him, my heart just aches because I love him so much.

The little boy they left behind sounds very charming. I will pray for him and hope his forever family finds him soon.

God Bless!
Pat

[kfin66]

Hi Pat,
My name is Kerry. My husband and I have had our completed dossier in Guatemala thru our ageny since February. We are now considering bailing on the Guatemala program because of some issues with the Hague Treaty there. I feel so bad because we felt so committed to this program. I really don't know too much about Kazahkstan adoption but I am looking forward to learning with everyone on this board.
Kerry

[pdq]

Welcome to the group, Kerry!! Read through some of the past threads. I think you will find a lot of info from reading these posts. Also, you can do a general search on Kazakhstan adoption using a search engine. It can be very helpful in learning some details of the adoption process.

As always, I would be happy to answer any specific questions that you may have!!

Best wishes to you!
Pat

[lgunterman]

Hi Pat:

I too am new to this group. I have completed my home study and had almost finished my Guatemalan Dossier when the changes with the Hague started taking place. My home study agency suggested that I look into Kazakhstan, Russia and the Republic of Georgia. I would love any general information about Kazakhstan, as well as agencies to consider if that is appropriate in this forum. Also, I know that FAS is a concern for Russia. Is this a concern for Kazakhstan as well?

Thanks for sharing your story.
Sincerely,
Lisa G.

[pdq]

Hi Lisa!!

Welcome to the board!! When we started the adoption process in 2000, we were interested in Russia. After doing lots of research and talking with many agencies, we felt more comfortable adopting from Kaz. The incidence of FAS is lower than in Russia. I was VERY concerned about getting a child with FAS. Kaz is known for well cared for children, low incidence of FAS, and a low ratio of children to caretakers (1:6). Now, that doesn't mean that you won't find FAS in Kaz because I'm sure it exists. I just think you may have a better chance of avoiding it if you are careful! I highly recommend that you find a reputable international adoption specialist to review your referrals.

As far as agencies, you will find a ton of them! We used Building Blocks Adoption Service for all three of our adoptions and were VERY happy with them!! They are an Amrex agency and only adopt children from Almaty. Almaty is a large city in Kaz (the former capitol) and has many amenities. You won't have to "rough it" much there at all.

Review some of the other messages about agencies and that will give you some ideas on where to start looking. Get info packets from each agency and then start calling them with questions. You'll get a good "feel" for an agency when you talk to them on the phone.

Good luck with your adoption!! Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like!!!

Pat

[PattyR]

Hi!

I'm a single female who started the adoption process several months ago in Guatemala, but everything came to a screeching halt with everything going on there. I have decided to switch to Kazakhstan. I have my home study completed and have my 171H (although I have to have it changed from Guatemala to Kaz). I'm currently in the process of gathering all the dossier documents.

I am looking forward to learning more about everyone and trying to support each other through the adoption process. I am so excited about adopting a child, but it seems like everything moves so slowly. I'm sure you all know how that feels!

Patty

[N2dolfyns]

Hi, my name is Kelly. My husband Rob & I adopted a six year old boy from CH#1 in Almaty last September -- and contrary to the experiences I've read about loving your child from the moment you lay eyes on them...I absolutely LOVED my son before our plane ever left the ground in the states. We worked very closely with our coordinator. I received pictures of our son and they answered all of my questions about his personality...etc. We got video tape of him opening gifts we sent him while we were waiting. I watched them over and over. When that little guy walked into the room for the first time I had to fight the tears. I picked him up and hugged him so tight and kissed his precious little cheeks about a thousand times... there was NOTHING they could tell me about this child, there was NOTHING this child could do that would undo the love I had already felt for him. He was my son and he was coming home with me.

Having said that....there was another little boy at the orphanage that was crying his eyes out when he saw us leaving for the zoo with our son on one of our visits. We were heart broken for him because it seemed we were taking away his best friend and he was sad because he wasn't getting a mama and a papa. Well, the next day the same little boy came running at us laughing and screaming his head off...in a sick and sinister sort of way...flipping us a bird with both hands and sticking his tongue out at us. We stood there, literally, with our mouths hanging open -- unable to process the scene we had just experienced. I can imagine someone coming to adopt him and stopping dead in their tracks after seeing that! If he's doing that at 5 and 6 years old...what's he going to be like as a teenager?

It's too bad this couple chose to travel separately. I can only begin to imagine the marriage trouble I would be having if I showed up and my husband backed out of the adoption of our son -- without having shared the experience that brought him to that conclusion. They both needed to experience that together.

Also, is there any reason why they weren't offered to meet with a different child? I'm guessing that by then they had already been there long enough and couldn't afford or want to be away from their home and family in the US any longer. I also wonder why the husband didn't let his wife know his feelings before she went so far to be disappointed.

It sounds like there were many issues that prevented this adoption from happening - and it doesn't sound like anyone in the Kazakhstan system had anything to do with it... it's the personality of the child -- and the inability of the person who did their home study to see that perhaps this family wasn't ready to adopt and was adopting for the wrong reasons. Children aren't puppies on the street corner that you fall in love with when they are cute and cuddly and regret it all later when reality sets in. It's so wonderful and sweet that with all this family had going on they still wanted to make room in their hearts and home for an orphaned child...but, we all need more than good intentions to make this happen.

I hope their story won't discourage people from wanting to adopt from Kazakhstan. We had a flawless experience adopting there. Everything went smoothly and our son is awesome. He has no behaviorial issues, no attachment disorder, no medical problems...he's just a normal little boy who doesn't always eat all his vegetables, sneaks his french fries before he's finished his chicken strips, and hides the toy he broke because he doesn't want to get in trouble...oh, and I am finding weird little things in his pockets when I do the laundry. Ha!

Good luck to everyone.

[nancyinaz]

Hello, Pat,
I see you adopted from baby house #1 in almaty. we are also contemplating doing this. We really found a special little girl named Aigul. She is almost 3.5 years old. She has a hormone deficiency and needs medical treatment here in the USA. Do you have any photos of the baby house you could share with me? I would love to see where she is living.

Do you remember ever seeing her? I can send you her photo if you think that would help. I am not sure how to do that on the message board though...

I would appreciate any information you can tell us about the baby house and the care of the children and how transition is for a nearly 4 year old to the USA ...how they adjusted to other kids. We have a 2.5 year old and a 12 month old. Everyone thinks we are nuts to adopt a child so young when we have young children already but it looks like you did this as well.
thank you, Nancy

[N2dolfyns]

Nancy, the son we adopted from CH#1 in Almaty spent his baby days at Baby House #1. He speaks fondly of his time there and really enjoyed the care takers. We adopted him last year when he was six and had been in the Children's Home just over a year. He is a very happy and well adjusted little guy with no attachment disorders or other problems you might expect. He talks about his "other detsky dome" where they had lots of fun and toys. Thought this might be reassuring to you in regards to what to expect from your little one. The other thing I would tell you to be prepared for is that these kids are emotionally a little behind U.S. kids. We met another couple who adopted a four year old while we were there and he wasn't quite potty trained yet. Trying, but he seemed more like a 3 year old than a four year old so try and prepare yourself for her to be younger than what you'd normally expect. The little four year old they adopted was a smiling, happy go lucky, beautiful little boy. Very active and no problems with snuggling up and loving you instantly. Good luck and enjoy your adoption journey. It's absolutely amazing.
Kelly

[mothertoDauren]

Nancy and Kelly ~ We too are adopting from baby house #1. A little boy of three. To Nancy ~ when are you hoping to travel? To Kelly ~ do you have any words of wisdom that would better prepare us for some of the unique problem inherent to international toddler adoptions?

[ravie]

[quote]Originally posted by pdq
[b]Hi! I wanted to welcome all of you to the Kazakhstan discussion board. I will be happy to assist you in any way that I can. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have.

My husband and I live in NW Ohio and we have 5 children, 3 of whom were adopted from Kazakhstan using Building Blocks Adoption Service from Medina, OH. We adopted Tayte (9m) and Karenna (23m) in Jan 2001. Their adoptions took 7 m from start to finish. Then we were returned to adopt Garrett (33m) in Dec 2001. His adoption took only 5 m to complete because we already had INS approval from the first time. All three of our adopted children were from baby house #1 in Almaty. We also have 2 biological children. That makes 5 children - 5 yrs and under - WHEW! Quinton is 5.5 yrs old. Karenna and Garrett are both 4 yrs old. Tayte is 3 yrs old and Aneesa was born in Nov 2002. I am a SAHM. My greatest joys are watching my children learn and play together. I enjoy scrapbooking, gardening, decorating, and flea market shopping.



hello Pat

Thank you for your welcome.
My husband and I are french. We'd like to adopt in Kazak by an independant way. In france there is no agency for this country.
Could you help us and give us some addresses of baby houses in Kazak and also maybe some things we need to know about this coutry.
Thank you
Peggy


I look forward to hearing from you all!