[TammyPR33]

Hi,
A friend of mine recently told me that when I adopt my baby from Kazahstan I will have to formally convert her. I'm adopting an infant and was under the impression that if I had a baby naming in the temple and raised her Jewish that she would be Jewish. Can anyone shed some light on this? What does converting a baby really entail? How difficult is it?
Tammy

[debsdone]

Tammy, call the rabbi at your local temple. I can't imagine you have to convert the baby! I am sure the naming is enough. But it may depend on if you are reform, conservative etc. If you find out, please post as I would be interested in knowing! Good Luck, Love, Debi

[billysmommy]

I would definitely check with your rabbi ....we had a reformed rabbi who named our son ( he was circumsized in the hospital), and we did not have to convert him.

[jenna202]

Most conservative and DEFINITELY orthodox synagogues will require formal conversion. With an infant, it's really not that big a deal. The ceremonies vary, but they typically involve the mikvah, some prayer, etc.
Jennifer, Adoptive Jewish Mom

[debsdone]

Hi Jennifer! If you know, is this true for ALL adoptions? My a-parents were always telling me I was born jewish, but I never believed them. It really didn't matter to me, but I thought they were saying that so as not to have me wonder what I was. But now I wonder if it was due to these laws??? Funny thing is, when I got my non-identifying info, it says my b-father was jewish. Boy, I laughed and laughed. After 35 years of people saying how I don't "look" jewish! But my b-father's religion wouldn't count, would it? Just in case you know. We are reform and I wasn't raised knowing much. thanks, Love, Debi

[jenna202]

An adoptive family would only need to convert the baby if the baby's birthmother was NOT Jewish. Birth father doesn't count in the old "jewish rule book" for some reason - no idea why. If the birthmom is Jewish, the baby is Jewish by birth, if not by practice. If birthmom is NOT Jewish, the baby would need to undergo conversion only if the family synagogue required it, or the family wanted the baby recognized in orthodoxy. So if, for example, they wanted the baby to be eligible for Jewish citizenship, it's important to have a formal conversion. But otherwise, it's not a big deal unless the adoptive parents want it. However, the family would need to have some sort of document that identified the birthmom as Jewish to avoid a formal conversion.

[sak9645]

believe that any child born to a non-Jewish mother is in need of a conversion to be considered Jewish, and that baby boys must also have a ritual circumcision or, if already circumcised non-ritually, must go through a ceremony that draws a drop of blood from the circumcision site.

Some Reform rabbis feel that conversion is not necessary if the father was Jewish, even if the mother was non-Jewish, and some believe that conversion is not necessary at all if an adopted baby is going to be raised in a Jewish home. Most Reform rabbis still believe that circumcision is necessary for boys, although they may not require a special ritual if a non-ritual circumcision was performed previously.

So on this matter, a lot depends on the variety of Judaism you practice.

The conversion ceremony is brief. In the case of a boy, it is done after his circumcision wound, if any, has healed. With a girl, it can be done at any time. The naked child is taken into a body of "living" water. This is usually a special pool called a mikvah, which may be located in a synagogue or separate facility, although it may also be the ocean, a river, etc. The parent, who wears a bathing suit, dunks the child completely under the water, releasing him for a split second so the water touches his/her entire body and then bringing him/her up quickly. The parent then recites a couple of blessings, which acknowledge the joy of bringing a child into the community of Jewish people. Three rabbis witness the ceremony; if Orthodox rabbis are used, they usually stand behind a door if a woman is taking her child in, so they don't have to see her in her bathing suit.

I am Reform, but leaning towards Conservative. I do believe in the use of conversion for a child born to a non-Jewish mother. Although my daughter's birthmother is unknown, it is highly unlikely that she was Jewish, as my daughter is Chinese. As a result, I wanted to have a conversion ceremony once my daughter was over her minor bugs and fairly well adjusted to her new surroundings.

I called my rabbi, who arranged for use of the mikvah at a local Conservative synagogue. I had to wait quite a long time for an appointment, as the mikvah is very popular with adoptive families around here. The rabbi asked if I insisted on Orthodox male witnesses, or whether I would accept Conservative or Reform rabbis, including women. Although I wanted my daughter to be accepted as Jewish by the entire community, and Orthodox people would not accept the validity of a conversion witnessed by non-Orthodox people and women, I decided that I was comfortable with the use of female rabbis. I figured that if, at some future date, my daughter wanted to move to Israel or marry an Orthodox man, she could go skinny-dipping again.

It doesn't sound like much, but I found the whole Conversion ceremony quite moving. When I brought my daughter to the surface of the mikvah, I absolutely SHOUTED the blessings, so that the whole world could hear that there was a new member of the Jewish community!

At the Friday night service following our mikvah visit, my Reform synagogue held a naming ceremony for my daughter, who was about 21 months old. I invited relatives and some of my China travel group, and sponsored the Oneg Shabbat afterwards. Sponsoring the Oneg Shabbat simply meant paying the Sisterhood to serve coffee, punch, cookies, etc. It was a lovely ceremony, and I was so pleased to have the naming done in the presence of my family, friends, and congregation.

[sak9645]

Regarding why Judaism counts a child as Jewish only if the Mom was Jewish:

Judaism has always been realistic. In most cases, people knew who a child's mother was; she was the one who gave birth to the child. Whether or not she was Jewish could easily be ascertained. However, it was not always easy to identify the father. The woman may have been raped in wartime and may not have known anything about the father, or she may have had an extramarital affair and been unwilling to name her lover, etc. So it was harder to find out who the man was and whether he was Jewish.

As a result, as long as the Mom was Jewish, the child was assumed to be Jewish. As long as the woman was married, the child was treated as if he/she was conceived with the woman's husband, too, even if there was some suspicion that another man was the father, simply to avoid classifying a child as a bastard.

[debsdone]

THANK-YOU!! That was a beautiful story and I learned many things!! As for the "Jewish mother" both my non-jewish husbands have had to deal with that one! LOL All my kids are being raised Jewish, (well, really really reform) But I am learning. It is late in my life, but better late than never, right! Love, Debi

[sak9645]

Even if you do not belong to a synagogue, you can almost always find a rabbi or cantor who will advise you on arranging for a bris and/or a conversion.

As far as a bris, most rabbis and cantors know of qualified mohels. Some may even know of mohels who are physicians. Some parents feel more comfortable having a mohel who is a trained doctor, although non-physician mohelim have often performed far more circumcisions than some doctors. When you talk to the mohel or to the rabbi, get some references from parents. If you are inviting family and friends to the bris, you will want a mohel who has a nice manner and can put people at ease. If you are inviting non-Jewish family members and friends, you will want one who can give simple explanations of the bris and the prayers. And, of course, you want one who will be able to talk you through the procedure for caring for the newly circumcised baby boy and what signs of infection to look for.

If your child is older than about three months of age, the bris may have to be performed in a hospital, under anesthesia. A mohel who is a doctor can do the ritual, as well as the procedure, in the OR. Otherwise, you can have the boy circumcised in the OR by a doctor, and then do the special ceremony for an already circumcised child later.

Home bris ceremonies can have a rabbi present, as well as a mohel, if you so choose. You can write a little booklet for the ceremony to explain things to attendees and help the attendees who may not know all the prayers to participate. A good book that talks about orchestrating a bris is "The New Jewish Baby Book" by Anita Diamant.

As far as conversions, many rabbis and cantors will be willing to help you make the arrangements, even if you aren't a member of their congregations. They will need to help get you on the schedule of a mikvah, and find other rabbis who can be present at the appropriate time. This isn't always easy, as rabbis have rather busy schedules. They may ask you some questions before going forward, such as whether you want an Orthodox or non-Orthodox ceremony, whether you meet the requirements of the local Orthodox rabbi and/or mikvah for using the facility for conversion, and so on. Remember that some Orthodox rabbis and mikvah directors do not permit conversion ceremonies to occur in their facilities if the child is not going to be raised in an Orthodox home. The rabbi you contact can tell you what to expect at the ceremony, and he/she will usually arrange for you to receive a certificate attesting to the conversion.

Do remember that if a conversion ceremony is held in a mikvah, you will have to party somewhere else! (Perhaps people can assemble at your home afterwards, or you can save the celebration for the naming.) The mikvah usually includes just a small waiting room; a locker room with showers, toilets, and grooming areas, as well as clothing storage areas; and the mikvah itself, which is a small tiled pool. You will generally be able to have only the parent(s) and child attend. People who use natural bodies of water for the immersion can have a party on the shore, if weather permits, but it may be harder to find rabbis who can officiate.

Many families have a naming ceremony for their child. For a boy, it is usually part of the bris, although some families who have a private bris may choose to have a more public naming ceremony. You can hold a naming ceremony at a synagogue, if you belong to one, or at your home. You may or may not choose to have a rabbi officiate at a home ceremony.

In many Reform congregations, the naming ceremony is held as part of a Friday night or Saturday morning service. The rabbi calls the family (including the child and any grandparents who are available) to the bimah. The family often recites statements promising to love and cherish their child and raise him/her to a life of Jewishness and good deeds. The rabbi then blesses the child and tells the congregation his or her Hebrew name. Sometimes, the congregation gives a small present to the newly named child. A certificate is usually given.

Remember that rabbis, cantors, and mohelim (mohelot, in a few cases) are professionals and usually charge for their services when they participate in a bris or conversion. Mikvahs also charge a fee, which goes to help keep up the facility and pay for the attendants. If you are uncomfortable discussing money with a rabbi or cantor, ask the temple secretary to find out the appropriate amount. It usually isn't all that much.

[SueSLP]

Our rabbi said that we had to take the baby to the mikvah before she is one. HOWEVER this is through the Reform shul. I'm sure if you are more orthodox or want to have the baby accepted by those that are there is a LOT you have to do yourself. \Good Luck.

[Bonnie S.]

Our son was born to a non-Jewish bithmother. We had his bris at 2 weeks old, when he came home with us. We took him to a mikvah at 5 months old for his immersion and final conversion. He is now 3 1/2 years old and attends Sunday school at our shul.

His birthmother knew he was going to be raised Jewish and had no problem with it. She even made sure that he was not circumcized in the hospital.

[shelbysmom]

i am an adoptee who was raised as a jew. my aparents werent religious but thank god they had an orthodox conversion. in college i met a wonderful guy (my husband) who was orthodox. i became orthodox too. we got engaged and the rabbi who performed the ceremony wanted to know all the details of my conversion. it was a good thing it was done according to orthodox law because i would have had a real problem. my point is you never know what your child will become or do in the future. you want to give your child the best chance possible even if its not your beliefs at the time.

[sak9645]

It is true that a non-Orthodox conversion may not be accepted if your child by adoption chooses to marry an Orthodox person, or if he/she chooses to move to Israel.

However, not everyone can do an Orthodox conversion of his/her child. There are many Orthodox rabbis who simply will not officiate at the conversion of a child who is not going to be raised in an Orthodox home. And if those rabbis are the only Orthodox rabbis in the area, that could be a problem.

And, of course, there are those people who, themselves, are uncomfortable with converting their child in an Orthodox ceremony, as they do not practice Orthodox Judaism.

But all is not lost. If a child who has been raised in the Reform or Conservative or secular tradition, and who has not been converted in the Orthodox manner, chooses to marry an Orthodox person and live an Orthodox life, he/she can simply go through an Orthodox conversion.

My Chinese daughter, who is now 7, was converted in a Halachically correct mikvah, but by Reform and Conservative female rabbis. She attends a Jewish day school run on the Solomon Schechter model, and is fully accepted there. She has Hebrew studies for 40% of every school week, and reads and writes Hebrew surprisingly well. She also goes to summer camp at the local Jewish community center. We have belonged to a Reform temple, but are considering affiliation with a Conservative synagogue soon.

I have no idea who my wonderful daughter, now 7, will marry. I don't care if he will be White, Asian, or Black. I don't care whether or not he will be a person who was adopted. I fervently hope that he will be actively and religiously (not just bagel-and-lox culturally) Jewish, but I don't care what branch of Judaism he will have been raised in.

I certainly will have no objection if my daughter decides to become Orthodox and to marry an Orthodox man. And my only objection to the notion that she may decide to make Aliyah is that I will likely not see her as often if she lives in Israel. My feeling is that if she chooses to do either of these things, she can always "go skinny dipping" again.


Sharon

[bekkajoe]

Tammy,

My husband and I are also adopting from Kazakhstan this year. We are hoping to travel late summer or early fall though we have not gotten our referral yet.

Regarding conversion, we are both very reform in our practices, and will probably have a very low-key conversion for our daughter. To me this is an issue more for the long term for the child.

If the baby is not born of a Jewish mother, Jewish law does not consider the child Jewish unless it is converted. If the child ends up wanting to marry someone who is conservative or orthodox, the child will have to undergo conversion as an adult and I prefer to do it for the child at a very young age and make it more of a non-issue in later years.

I've read that for conversion you don't even have to use a mikva or synagogue. You can submerge the child in any body of water (pool, lake, etc.) and have someone (Rabbi or other scholarly person) say the appropriate prayers and the child is then converted. Thus, its low key and non-traumatic in my mind.

I would love to correspond with you about your Kaz adoption experience. Please write me offline at bekkajoe@aol.com

Hope this helps you!