[yehudit]

DD is 8 months and we are starting to think about her conversion. We have been members of a conservative shul for many years and want to have our rabbi involved. But I'm concerned that a conservative conversion will not be "good" enough. I want her to be just as Jewish as I, her dad, or her brother are, without having to worry about passing muster with anyone -- she might one day want to move to Israel or marry an orthodox boy. And what about her children?

Any thoughts? Am I overthinking this?

Thanks,

[KaveiEH]

Hi Yehudit,

Have you spoken with an orthdox rabbi at all?

I think it's truly amazing and beautiful that you are thinking ahead and wanting all the options open for your DD. Because you are right in that if she wants to marry an orthodox boy (or just have an orthodox ceremony for that matter) she would have had to be converted orthodox, or could choose to do that later as an adult.

In our small community, from what I know (and I have not had to go thru this myself, yet) with the orthodox conversions, the rabbi will ask about the families intentions with regards to shabbos, kashrus and Jewish education.

We have friends who converted and subsequently their children converted also. They had to switch schools, which they were happy to do, but it was part of the conversion. I would be interested to hear what an orthodox rabbi would tell you.

We are orthodox and I see so many more conversions lately than in so many years past.

Good luck with your decision. I really admire how you are thinking this thru.

Kavei

[Saya]

Hi Yehudit!

So, I'll share my opinion, but it's just one perspective. You'll probably get as many answers to this as there are Jews. Sorry this is long.

My husband and I struggled with this for a long time. We are both reform, and grew up going to reform shuls. But our first instinct was just like yours - we don't want anyone ever to question her Jewishness. We asked the same questions as you - what if she wants to move to Israel, or marry someone Orthodox? Most of all, we don't want HER to ever question her Jewishness. So we decided at first to try and find an orthodox rabbi to do the conversion.

What changed our mind was two realizations.

One was the realization that there is in fact almost no conversion that we could do that would satisfy everyone's definition of Jewishness. I was appalled to read of the case in Israel last year where some rabbinic judges were trying to retroactively disqualify all of the conversions - thousands of them - of another orthodox Rabbi who had been head of the conversion authority. The fact is, we realized, even if we took our daughter to my aunt and uncle's modern orthodox shul for her conversion, SOMEONE more "orthodox" then that is going to question her Jewishness. I personally decided that I refuse to accept some ultra- ultra- orthodox perspective of what Jewishness means and how it should be lived and bestowed as the defining meaning of my daughter's Jewishness. We don't live by that definition in the rest of our Jewish life - why should we with something as precious and important as our beloved daughter?

The other realization was that we wanted her conversion to be a joyous event that was part of our, and eventually her, Jewish community. We realized we didn't want to go find an orthodox shul where we didn't know anyone and make it a one-time thing. We wanted her conversion to be in OUR community, in our shul, with our friends in family, in a way that worked seamlessly with our lives.

So what we did was, we did the conversion in the Mikvah, using as Halikic a ritual as possible - but with our reform rabbi. If, someday, she decides that she wants to marry an orthodox man who doesn't feel the conversion is valid, or she wants to move to Israel, it will be her choice to either embrace a different form of Judaism and go through an orthodox conversion as an adult, or to lead the movement that reform conversions should be accepted by all.

Good luck, and congratulations with whatever you decide.

[MamaS]

A friend of mine adopted a daughter from Central America. She was a charter member of a reform congregation (female rabbi) but she wanted her daughter accepted by all. She had an orthodox rabbi come and do the whole orthodox conversion ceremony. (It took two days, as I recall. I was not even allowed to attend, because I was not Jewish.)
After the conversion, the child was raised in the Reform synagogue.
Flash forward: After her Bat Mitzvah she wanted to go on a trip to the Holy Land with a group of Jewish Seniors. She was the ONLY member of her congregation allowed by the rabbi to go -- because she had an Orthodox conversion. Other students (even those born to Jewish parents) were not allowed because they were reform.

[Shai's Mom]

I would suggest looking into an orthodox conversion. Adding to this, I consider myself as conservative, and live in Israel.

The conversion issue is a sore spot here in the country, and the Rabbanut makes it as difficult as possible for anyone wanting to join the tribe. There's too much politics involved and the system is a disgraceful mess I don't even want to get into.

The fact is, if your daughter has an orthodox conversion, she will have many more options, and most communities will accept her as Jewish. She won't have to deal with conversion issues as an adult.

Of course if she chooses to become Haredi, it's a different ballgame, but, with all respect, that's a very difficult life for a woman and I wouldn't want to wish it on my daughter.

Should she choose to move to Israel, unquestionable, it's easier with an orthodox conversion.

All the best to you and enjoy raising your lovely daughter.

[sak9645]

Your Conservative rabbi will be sensitive to your desire to have an Orthodox conversion for your daughter. If there are any Orthodox rabbis in your area, who will do an Orthodox conversion for a child who is not being raised in an Orthodox home, he most certainly will know who they are, and be able to make the arrangements for you. And he will also be able to tell you what the mikvah situation is in your community, and make those arrangements.

If there is no Orthodox rabbi within driving distance of you who will convert a child being raised in a Conservative family, your Conservative rabbi can also arrange for a Conservative conversion. Some communities even have non-Orthodox mikvaot, these days.

And a Conservative conversion is not so terrible. I belonged to a Reform congregation when I adopted, and my rabbi asked if I wanted to go the Orthodox route. I said that it was not necessary, and he made arrangements for my daughter to be converted in a mikvah located within a Conservative synagogue in Washington, DC. We had three female rabbis, Conservative and Reform, in attendance, and the ritual was very similar to that found in an Orthodox setting.

While an Orthodox conversion sounded attractive, I felt that I didn't want to get involved in the politics of "Who is Orthodox enough?" or "Are you going to raise your child in an Orthodox home?" My daughter attended a Conservative Jewish preschool and enjoyed eight years of Conservative Jewish day school. I feel that if she wishes to become Orthodox, or to move to Israel, she can always "go skinny dipping" again. She will be well prepared in terms of Jewish knowledge, both for making decisions about Jewish practice and for adult conversion purposes.

Sharon

Sharon