[MamaS]

Oz - I feel your anger and I can somewhat understand it. When I was adopting, the "best interest of the child" was a two-parent home with a mother and a father. As a potential single adoptive parent, I applied in writing to 23 private agencies. Three were courteous enough to bother to reply. Two of the three said "No - because you are single".
However, isn't there a difference between "religious discrimination" and "religious belief"? I see discrimination as "You can't adopt because you are Jewish" and belief as "We can't assist you in adopting because you are not Christian."
Catholic Children's Home Charities all over the UK are closing their adoption programs because the government ordered them to accept applications from same-sex couples. The Catholic belief is that the same-sex lifestyle is against God's command and to place a child in such a lifestyle would not be in the best interest of the child. So, they are refusing to place any children. Agree or not, they are acting according to their beliefs.

[crick]

If you notice an edit in your post it's due to agency discussion.

Please remember that you cannot name the agency when discussing them and you need to be careful too how you allude to it on the public forums.

Discuss practices...not names. If anyone wants more detail about the actual agency, then please PM.

Thanks!
Crick

[Saya]

Hey there Oz - so sorry this happened to you! I'm Jewish too. Adopted first time internationally, planning on doing domestic the 2nd time.

There have been discussions here on the board in the past about agencies that don't discriminate based on religion. Maybe you want to go to the General Adoptive Parents thread, which gets a lot of traffic, and ask people to PM you with agency recommendations? They are definitely out there but can be hard to find.

What I find particularly odd about your experience is that she asked if you celebrate the Christian holidays, and THEN hung up on you. I'm Jewish, but part of my family celebrates X-mas so yes, I celebrate some Christian holdays as well. Ummmmm . . . would that have somehow made me more acceptable to this agency? I go to a Synagogue and my daughter will get Bat Mitzvahed, but one day a year we go to a house with a Christmas tree and somehow I now fit your criteria? Very odd to me!

[WizardofOz]

MamaS, I do actually not feel anger, I just (try to) analyze the irrational rationally I do not really care whether the wording is "we do not work with you because you are Jewish" or "we do not work with you because we are Christian", i.e. negative action or affirmative action. Both negative action ("we do not work with Jews") and affirmative action ("we work only with Christians") qualify as discrimination and whose outcome is exclusion of somebody because he/she is "not one of us". Discrimination in adoption misses the true purpose of a placement, namely acting in the child's best interest by providing a safe and loving home. I think that adoption and religion should not be tied together at all.

Concerning "beliefs" we need to be careful because it potentially provides a golden opportunity to elegantly cover up everything and anything. Just imagine the possibility of somebody founding a religion whose "belief" it was that children should not be placed in families of color and opened an adoption agency!

Saya, international adoption (unless the agency is Christian) is a very good choice for minority religions. Unfortunately, this option is not viable to me as I am permanent resident. The U.S. government prohibits international adoption from permanent residents, that's another good example of irrationality in adoption I have posted several posts on this forum on that very topic. In particular, my heart goes out to my Indian Hindu friends who are permanent residents in the United States and who are forced into domestic adoption. Can you begin to imagine how hard it is for a Hindu to get a domestic placement?!

The person on the phone was taken aback when I told her that I take my son regularly to the Buddhist temple - he is of Cambodian descent - although I am Jewish. She then asked "do you celebrate all the Christian holidays?" and I said that I did not. In fact, I do not celebrate even one of them (and neither did Jesus, if I may add ). You would not fit the criteria either because in order to qualify with this agency, you must celebrate ALL holidays.

On a good note though, there is something out there for everyone. There are several fine non-sectarian agencies Our first son was adopted via a Utah agency and we are using them again now.

[Shai's Mom]

Originally Posted by WizardofOz

CaddoRose, thank you for your kind words! I wrote the post from a place of pain and your post made me feel better. I appreciate it.

My mother lived in Europe during Holocaust, her family posed as Catholics and survived. Sadly though, until this day she will not associate the word "Jew" with herself because of what she went through. I belong to a new generation and I (would like to) believe that I am fortunate to live in a new and better world. That's why whenever I experience discrimination in the adoption world, it just freaks me out.

Wizard, that's what happened with MY family. My mother won't discuss being Jewish with anyone (she was 6 at the end of WWII). I didn't know I was Jewish until about age 11 when I started to ask questions of my Grandmother. Amazing!

[Shai's Mom]

Originally Posted by WizardofOz

Have started a second adoption ... and signed up with the agency from which we got our first baby. I am still considering signing up with a second adoption professional and so I am doing research. And again, I hit religious discrimination and it is just so offending. One those to whom it happened know how awful it feels.

I was recommended an agency in Utah and so I contacted them. On their website, it did not say clearly that they are "Christian". The lady that I talked with was very nice, she is an adoptive mother herself and she took her time (which adoption professionals value dearly) to explain everything to

me.

At some point, I casually mentioned that I am Jewish. Then the tone changed! She asked me if I celebrated the Christian holidays and when I said that her brisk answer was that they could not work with me- and JUST SHE HUNG UP ON ME!

The feeling that I got from this was that as nice and understanding as she was towards me - when she learnt that I was a Jew, she saw me as"useless", not even worth properly terminating a phone conversation.

I decided to demonstrate to her what our Jewish values are about, so I called her again. She did not answer (I was not worth it), so I left a message, thanking her for our conversation and wishing her a happy holiday season.

But I still need to vent, so here you go ... Religious discrimination makes me sick to my stomach, I had to experience in my first adoption and also in my second. Who decided that adoption is an act of "Christian benevolence" and who decided that minority religions do not have proper values to raise a child?! How backwards are some folks?! I hope it'll change one day, probably on the day we will have a Jewish president ...

Wizard, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I used to live in the "Bible Belt" and had my own experiences, good and bad. I found it very painful sometimes, meeting new people, making a good connection UNTIL they find out I'm Jewish. All over sudden I seem to sprout horns, cloven hooves and a tail..

If only these ignoramusses working for these agencies would realize just how home/family-oriented Judaism is, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to judge.

I've lived in Israel for almost 9 years. DH and I adopted two little miracles locally.

Much success with finding your second child!

[WizardofOz]

Shai's Mom,
I found out about my Jewish heritage only when I was 14 and so did my childhood friend. Our mothers were best friends, both went through WW2 and never wanted to be associated again with the word "Jew". It is useless to try to convince that generation that today it is safe to be a Jew. I made Aliyah to Israel soon after I learnt that I was Jewish, much to the dread of my mother. She still tries to convince me that I should convert to Christianity because she just fears for my life.

I lived in Israel most of my life and now I live in the Bible Belt, just opposite to you, LOL! Naturally, I made Israeli friends but I also tried to reach out to the local population. I had some negative experiences as you did, namely some people being nice to me and then shunning me as soon as they learn that I do not go to church on Sundays.

However, I also had very positive experiences. My son is of Cambodian descent and through his adoption I decided to learn more on Buddhism and Hindusim (Cambodian Buddhism is close to Hinduism). Over time, I developed a very good connection with the local Indian community and they received me with open arms. I even became a member of the local Hindu temple and I picked up the study of Sanskrit (their hole language, analogous to classic Hebrew). Who would have thought that! So as one door closes another opens, you always find your friends at the end.

Congrats to your two kids! I hope the adoption process in Israel is easier these days. I wanted to adopt an Ethiopian girl locally in Israel but social services were very slow and then I moved to the U.S. so it did not come to pass.

[ChromaKelly]

We're not religious, and didn't even bother working with a slew of agencies because of the blaring "Christian only" attitude in their websites and literature. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Shai's Mom]

Originally Posted by WizardofOz

Shai's Mom,
I found out about my Jewish heritage only when I was 14 and so did my childhood friend. Our mothers were best friends, both went through WW2 and never wanted to be associated again with the word "Jew". It is useless to try to convince that generation that today it is safe to be a Jew. I made Aliyah to Israel soon after I learnt that I was Jewish, much to the dread of my mother. She still tries to convince me that I should convert to Christianity because she just fears for my life.

I lived in Israel most of my life and now I live in the Bible Belt, just opposite to you, LOL! Naturally, I made Israeli friends but I also tried to reach out to the local population. I had some negative experiences as you did, namely some people being nice to me and then shunning me as soon as they learn that I do not go to church on Sundays.

However, I also had very positive experiences. My son is of Cambodian descent and through his adoption I decided to learn more on Buddhism and Hindusim (Cambodian Buddhism is close to Hinduism). Over time, I developed a very good connection with the local Indian community and they received me with open arms. I even became a member of the local Hindu temple and I picked up the study of Sanskrit (their hole language, analogous to classic Hebrew). Who would have thought that! So as one door closes another opens, you always find your friends at the end.

Congrats to your two kids! I hope the adoption process in Israel is easier these days. I wanted to adopt an Ethiopian girl locally in Israel but social services were very slow and then I moved to the U.S. so it did not come to pass.

Sorry, somehow my post didn't take...

Your story is very interesting to read.

My older son is of Russian descent and has this porcelain doll beauty, spiderman in disguise. My little one is half Ethiopian and half ???, and just - beatiful.. . The adoption process went fairly easy, our boys were in-utero drug exposed, so they weren't easy to place. However, we had a professor of pediatric medicine evaluate their files and he gave them a clean bill of health. He was right and we couldn't be happier!!

Happy Hanuka!