[WizardofOz]

Hadley2,

loved your post! It was often my experience that domestic adoption is biased towards people of Christian faith because of the supply-demand situation in the domestic adoption market.

When I adopted, many agencies either rejected me because of my religion or I got overly pressured to "disclose" my religion, i.e. "admit" that my baby will not be raised Christian. The agencies must have figured that I was not "attractive" to birthmothers because of my non-mainstream religion.

I agree with you that it is the birth parents' responsibility to ask.

I would not like to "disclose" my religion in the profile, explicitly or via sublime messages like a menorah. Such a request would feel to me as bad as a request to wear a yellow Star of David.

However, I would not mind mentioning my religion in the social history questionnaire by the agency so that my profile will not be presented to birthparents who require adoptive parents of Christian faith.

[ChromaKelly]

I know the OP already resolved this issue, but wow. I would have been very much off-put by this. We didn't mention religion once in our profile book. We did disclose on all registrations that we are not religious, usually put "none" in the blank for religion. If an emom wanted a Christian family, then the agency/facilitator should not be showing us. We did get asked for more clarification one time before being shown, that was it.

[Saya]

I think how the OP was treated was wrong. But I think that the books/profiles etc. that are shown to potential birth parents SHOULD include some small reference to the religion or spiritual practices of the PAPs. NOT to discriminate against those of us who aren't in the American mainstream, but to facilitate the likelihood of a successful adoption by reducing the likelihood of surprises late in the game. I think the goal should be to give as much information to the PBM as possible for the purpose of assisting her in making an informed decision.

At our agency every potential birth parent considering adoption is given the book with ALL PAP profiles in it - these are short 2 page profiles, almost like form letters. One of the questions on it asks what your religion is, and then a PBP can decide how important that issue is for him or her.

[ucme4dk]

We adopted our middle daughter from TJ, Mexico. We has a lunch meeting with her birthmother, just prior to meeting our daughter. She asked us what religion we were, and we said Jewish. We did not know what to expect, and she preceeded to tell us that she knew that there were many Jewish communities in Mexico City. I was very glad that she was so open to it. You just never know what a potential birthmother will find important. The MOST important advice I could give would be to be honest and yourself...believe me I had many factors that I thought would work against us....like a bio child, Jewish, I was morbidly obese at the time of both of my adoptions etc.
Hope his helps and the best of luck on your adoption journey.

[Quesita]

Wow.

I am outraged by that assumption that Christianity is the "default" religion and that everyone else needs to "disclose."

Even within Christianity there is so much diversity, as there is in Judaism. Many Catholics would be baffled by the practices of many members of Protestant faiths. Should Evangelicals subtly disclose that they do not attend confession, honor the Saints, or give last rites? Perhaps they should include a photo of grandpa's deathbed with no clergy present so that the birthparents understand.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Quesita

Wow.

I am outraged by that assumption that Christianity is the "default" religion and that everyone else needs to "disclose."

My position is that religious beliefs, of any kind, need to be discussed for their to be a fully informed choice. I chose my son's parents, in part, because she was a "relaxed" Catholic.

[jgs]

I have the problem of being an interracial and interfaith family. Husband is white and christian. I am black/puerto rican and Jewish. The puerto Rican side is Jewish. So Jewish agencies say that they almost never get a biracial kids just because there aren't a lot of minority jews around and the secular agencies say its okay to be jewish but theres a wait. We have been turned down by MANY,MANY agencies that don't reveal upfront that they are christian based, which to me is lying!I've been asked if I was willing to convert! As if being Jewish wasn't important to me. We have a bio son who was raised with both religions but its the husband who is nonpracticing christian. I am the one who took son to temple and hebrew classes. A birthmom might want a christian but I know many christians who are easter/christmas christians. I am the one in charge of religious education and my husband is okay with children being jewish. Is the goal of the agencies and moms to have chritianity or to have a parent teach about G-d?

[WizardofOz]

jgs,
welcome to the American domestic adoption world! Yes, what is going on is quite unsettling once you accumulate one or two ugly experiences.

We have all heard of racial supremacy ("I am superior to you because I have a white skin color and you don't") but there exists also the phenomenon of religious supremacy ("I am superior to you because I belong to the Christian faith and you don't").

Religious supremacy is "beautifully" exhibited in the adoption world. The implicit statement of Christian agencies that reject non-Christians is "it is not in the child's best interest to be placed in your home because you practice an inferior religion. If you convert to our superior religion, we will place a child with you".

You are correct, such agencies do not have it as their goal to find loving home for kids, their agenda is propagating Christianity. You are also right that many of them disguise their true intention and you find it out only after a phone call or two. I posted a thread about this after I stumbled over on one of these. I have also turned to the ACLU and the Anti Defamation League after being rejected by a public adoption agency because of my faith (public agencies get state money!) - let's see what happens with my complaint.

BTW, Jewish adoption agencies work with people of all faiths, as should be.

I lived the majority of my life in Israel. I am proud of my heritage and I do not need to apologize for being a Jew. It is definitely possible to find ethical adoption entities who do not discriminate based on ethnicity, religion, nationality etc. Attorneys usually do not tie religion and adoption so that could be a good way to go. Hang in there, you are not alone, there are definitely some fishy things going on out there!

If you need agency/attorney recommendations, just PM me.

[swd]

I haven't read all the replies yet, but wanted to let you know that the same thing happened to us, except that they didn't specifically say, "As with all Jewish families...." We went through a Catholic-based agency, so many birth moms assume the families are Catholic and don't ask. To avoid the "ugly scene" and to make it simpler for birth moms, the agency requires ALL families to describe their religious practices in their profile. Apparently, they've even had several Catholic birth moms specifically ask for non-Catholic families, but they wanted to place their baby with a Catholic agency out of familiarity....

It's a messy situation, but better to feel a little put off by a request to re-do your profile now than to have a birth mom change her mind b/c she didn't think to ask the question. We just stated in our profile that we were both born Jewish, don't celebrate Christmas, and enjoy all the "cultural" things about being Jewish like family traditions and big meals at holidays. But we drew the line at posing in front of a menorah, like anyone does that! (Okay, sorry if anyone does, but none of my Jewish friends or relatives has a pic like that...)

[Rivkah]

I am new at this, but I feel like in your place I would just look for another agency. As someone else said, why not ask you to also wear a Start of David while she was at it!

Of course you should talk about your religion, but I wouldn't go for a subliminal message since why would you want the child of an antisemite anyway? As for your particular situation, I would ask the lady to mention the fact plainly when she contacts prospective birhmother as you are interested in weeding out people who have issues with Judaism.

There are no Jewish children up for adoption (and if there are, please let me know where...)... this fact alone should make Jewish prospective adoptive parents at the top of anyone's list... hopefully, you have found your baby by now.

[yehudit]

Hello everyone, I just realized that I never gave an update. We spoke with the director and agreed that instead of re-doing our entire book, we would write a short "statement of religion" to place inside each of our books. Shortly after that, we were matched (by another organization) with our beautiful DD who was born that day. We have had her for 6 months and have been finalized for 3.

Best,

[WizardofOz]

Still, I have to know .. were the Christian adoptive parents also required to place a statement of faith in their books or take pictures in front of a Christmas tree? (I bet not).

In adoption, religious discrimination is blatant and widely accepted, it groces me out. No religion "owns" adoption, isn't adoption about giving a child a loving home? I think I am naive.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by WizardofOz

Still, I have to know .. were the Christian adoptive parents also required to place a statement of faith in their books or take pictures in front of a Christmas tree? (I bet not).

Actually, I know a number of agencies that require a few lines discussing faith issues. I do think it is important for all prospective adoptive parents to disclose.

[WizardofOz]

broma, yep I agree that the birthparents should know, the question is only how to do that.

First of all, I think all faiths should be treated equal. If you require something from the Jews, then require the same from the Christians, too. Don't single out the Jews by requiring of them to take pictures in front Menorahs. (Groce, I can't believe agencies treat Jews like this).

Second, IMHO it is better to give the potential birthparents forms with the social history of the potenatial adoptive parents that contains a tab "faith" instead of writing something the profile or take pictures with Jewish symbols.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by WizardofOz

Still, I have to know .. were the Christian adoptive parents also required to place a statement of faith in their books or take pictures in front of a Christmas tree? (I bet not).

Our adoption has everyone say it in their 2-page profile that potential birthparents review before looking at full albums. There's no "statement of faith" per se, just a box where each potential a-parent can fill in their religion. Then the potential a-parents can choose how in depth they want to discuss it. That makes sense to me.

(Edited to say - I guess that's basically what you suggested, above!)