[Whirled_Peas]

I want to come up with a term to refer to my daughter's bmom that is more endearing. Bmom, or even firstmom, are rather clinical.

I really like Ima, it's Hebrew for mother. However, I don't want to offend anyone that's Jewish. It's just such a lovely word and makes me feel so much warmer to say, "When you were in your Ima's tummy" rather than, "When you were in your birthmom's tummy."

If Ima is stepping on too many toes, I may go with "Marmie." I think that was the name used in Little Women. I don't like it as much, but I'm not feeling creative.

I'm a stepmom. When the kids were little, we just let them call me by my first name. Back then I felt kids should call their parents by their first names, so that worked for me. Now I see that, if a child is calling its other parents by a title, to call someone by a first name is not fully supportive of the relationship between parent (no matter what type) and child.

Anyone have any other suggestions for terms that won't step on toes but that are prettier than Marmie?

I'm going to cross post to the general adoptive parenting support site.

[yehudit]

Hello,
Interesting question, I've wondered about other terms too.

You didn't say if you are Jewish, but it sounds like you're not -- correct? Of course the decision is entirely yours, but if a Jewish person heard you referring to your child's birthmom as "Eema" they would probably wonder who the child's mom is. For example, I would never have my child use Eema for a bmom -- that's my title. We have friends who use mom and eema interchangeably. But if you aren't jewish and don't know anyone who is this may not be an issue for you.

Good luck,

[Whirled_Peas]

Originally Posted by yehudit

Hello,
Interesting question, I've wondered about other terms too.

You didn't say if you are Jewish, but it sounds like you're not -- correct? Of course the decision is entirely yours, but if a Jewish person heard you referring to your child's birthmom as "Eema" they would probably wonder who the child's mom is. For example, I would never have my child use Eema for a bmom -- that's my title. We have friends who use mom and eema interchangeably. But if you aren't jewish and don't know anyone who is this may not be an issue for you.

Good luck,

No, ,we're not Jewish. I appreciate your thoughts. There is an interesting discussion of this under general adoption support. Few people concentrated on us choosing a Jewish name, rather all the variable options. You may enjoy the discussion there.

[dancewithme]

Hi, I was adopted and I was fortunate enough to have found and met with my birth mother after I had my first child. Birth mother has always been fine with me. I never even thought about calling her anything else. She is not a mother to me, I respect the fact that she carried and gave birth to me, but my mother is the one who raised me, loved me, met with my teachers, kissed me good nite, wiped my tears when I cried (even as an adult), taxi cabbed me around etc. There are other people, such as very close friends mothers, whom I may call "Ma" or "Mom", but not my birth mother. The word mother is in her title, and the word birth comes before that. But mother???, I have no hard feelings toward her, but a mother is one who is a female elder that is a role model, caretaker, friend etc. So don't worry so much about that. You are her mother. And she was born from her birth mother. I hope that helps ease you question.

[timni]

We use the term Bema... its made up. but basically it means birthmom. We didn't want Belle to call her bema by her first name b/c we wanted to recognise that special relationship more (we see her Bema every month) but we also wanted a term of endearment and couldn't come up with one so we made it up. Feel free to copy our word if you wish

[Whirled_Peas]

Originally Posted by timni

We use the term Bema... its made up. but basically it means birthmom. We didn't want Belle to call her bema by her first name b/c we wanted to recognise that special relationship more (we see her Bema every month) but we also wanted a term of endearment and couldn't come up with one so we made it up. Feel free to copy our word if you wish

I like this term. If we go with a title, this may be a good choice. Thanks.