[swd]

Hi-

My husband and I are both Jewish and are planning to adopt a baby. We've been told that the agency we're working with encourages open adoptions, and we plan to pursue that, assuming we're matched with a bmom who wants to continue contact.

My question is, how do you handle Christmas/Easter visits if you don't celebrate the holiday? Is it better to not have visits centered around those holidays, even if the birthfamily is Christian? Is it offensive to deny them holiday visits? Or do we just oblige and explain to the kids when they're older that we don't observe those holidays, even though they get gifts from the birth parents....?

Anyone have good insight on this?

[MommaKatja]

How you deal with this issue is a personal decision.

Here are some of my thoughts as a birth mom. My son is being raised Jewish (his mom is Jewish his dad was raised Catholic) as a family they celebrate both sets of holidays and I send a present and I believe it's opened for Christmas. If they were to change their minds and no longer celebrate christmas I would make sure that the gift gets there for Hanukah. We dont have visits on the holidays at this point due to distance but I think the key would be open communication from the get go.

If you are not comfortable with your child getting christmas presents or visits and you are matched with a christian expectant mother have that conversation with her. If your religion is something you've disclosed from the beginning and she has chosen you anyway I dont think it would be a problem.
If you and an expectant mom can't see eye to eye on the holiday visit/gift issue then perhaps it's not the best match for either of you.

I think the option of explaining "we dont celebrate this holiday but it's important to your bmom so she gives you gifts" is a valid option as well.

I think the key is to sit down with your husband and determine what you are comfortable with because any discomfort you have with the situation will be apparent to your future children.

Just my opinion

[TrixieBelden]

Our Emom knows about our religion and we have decided that any gift she sends - for any reason - at any time - is a special gift just for our child. It's not a Christmas gift. It's not an Easter gift. It's a gift from Bmom to son.

Trixie

[Shai's Mom]

Originally Posted by TrixieBelden

Our Emom knows about our religion and we have decided that any gift she sends - for any reason - at any time - is a special gift just for our child. It's not a Christmas gift. It's not an Easter gift. It's a gift from Bmom to son.

Trixie

I think this is a wonderful, thoughtful way of approaching this situation.