[spaypets]

Shana Tova!

I live in a very rural, mostly caucasian, not very Jewish area. So it was interesting, and gratifying, to me when my daughter (from India) attended the family Rosh Hashana service at our Temple. Of the 15 or so families attending, there were three families with children who were non-white. Indeed, I've noticed over the past couple of years that the most integrated place I've been (with the exception of adoption events) has been synagogue and temple. There are African American families, interracial families, families with children adopted internationally/interracially.

Are others seeing this in their areas? I'm hoping the answer is yes, so my daughter will go to camp and youth groups with Jewish children who look like her or at least look like the world instead of a tiny portion of it.

I'm interested in hearing others experiences.

Happy New Year!

[debsdone]

I AM seeing this at our temple. And it is SO cool! As an adoptee, I always heard the "you don't look jewish" remarks. I love how mixed up jewish is looking! (We even have a woman Rabbi!) Love, Debi
PS Happy New Year to you too!

[Shoshana]

The synagogue I belong to is primarily white, but there are many people of color -- African-American, Guatemalan, Chinese, and ? I, too, think it's great.

I have gotten a few questions like 'why aren't you adopting a Jewish baby' and 'is your baby going to be Jewish' and 'have you thought of trying to give a Jewish child a home?' The Rabbi once said, 'oh, you really don't want to raise a special needs child unless it's your own."

I usually just grit my teeth an give a brief educational lesson.

[spaypets]

I'm really looking forward to seeing what congregations will look like when we're grandmothers! If it's changed this much in a generation think of what it will look like in another! I can remember at Jewish summer camp how startled we all were because there were two AA boys who had been adopted and were there.

I knew several adopted kids from camp and the assistant director and his wife "got the call" one summer to pick up their little girl. Back then, those kids were all blond!

Elizabeth --my answer to "giving a Jewish child a home" is "I am!" :-)

[Bonnie S.]

Our synagogue is also becoming colorful. I, however, have one of the blond ones!!! But my son's Pre-K religious school class has 2 Asian children and one AA. I love it and so does he!

I get such a thrill seeing children who "don't look Jewish" haveing their bar/bat mitzvah. Question: is your adopted child officially converted to Judaism?

[spaypets]

Yep, we did the conversion in our pond (you can do it in any natural body of water) this summer. We just had us, the rabbi and three witnesses since we didn't know how she was going to react to being submerged (we didn't need to worry!). We're having the public naming next week.

It was so easy -- it won't be good enough for an orthodox rabbi, but most conservative and all reform rabbis will recognize the conversion. I'm sure at some point somone will question her Jewishness, but I'm hoping that I can provide her with a good enough education that if she has to reconvert to get married or move to Israel, that it will be a breeze.

It was very cool when someone asked me "Are you raising her Jewish?" for me to say "She _is_ Jewish!"

[javamama]

i wanted to share this story w/ you. i hope i get it right. 1st of all i am a birthmom, who just found my daughter. I gave her up through the Jewish Family Service 21 years ago. That has little to do w/ this story, other than why the subject of adoption came up in a conversation w/ a very good friend. This friend also lives in a somewhat rural commununity, she and others got together to form a congregation..which seems to be VERY common now. She is married to a non-Jew, and many members of the temple are in mixed marriages. She has told me on several occasions about the Chinese children, Indian, etc...that are now members of the congregation by adoption.

the story that was the MOST interesting that recently came up was that they were at a board meeting discussing how the rabbi that they have hired, will NOT conduct a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony for any child who is not officially converted. There was a lot of conversation going on about this...the highest ranking official of the Board says that he does not think that is necessary, and goes on to say "i was never officially converted, and i was Bar Mitvahed""....it turns out that he, himself, had been adopted, was not biologically Jewish....they were all silenced....so yes, different faces, different backgrounds, from the bottom up...being touched by adoption.

[spaypets]

Hope everyone had an easy fast....

My question is why wouldn't Jewish adoptive parents convert a baby? It is so easy -- if your local michvah won't let you do it, all you need to do is find a natural body of water. Not to convert the baby means that in only the most liberal synagogues will the child be considered Jewish. Not only could the issue come up again at bar or bat mitzvah time, but also at the time of the child's wedding. Or the grandchild's wedding...

My aunt's mother is a convert. My aunt married into a frum (very orthodox family). My aunt had to convert even though her mother had already converted because her mother's conversion wasn't considered good enough by the orthodox rabbi marrying her. It wasn't a big deal since my aunt was very educated and orthodox anyway, but still it shows how these things can have ramifications for generations.

My daughter's reform conversion likely won't satisfy an very orthodox rabbi, but it will be good enough for Reform and Conservative synagogues. And, since she "doesn't look Jewish" she has a paper that proves she is.

[mckenna]

i am not jewish but am very interested in learning about different religions. i have a question about the coversion. why is it not like when you adopt a child, in the eyes of the law it is as though you gave birth to that child. i would think that in the eyes of your religion, the child you adopt is now by rights jewish. i guess i have never thought about this with my son. i consider him to be the same religion as me (even though his bparents are different rel). At his baptism (once the adoption is final) i feel he will be a full member of our church. thanks in advance for your replys.

[Bonnie S.]

In the Jewish faith, you are what your mother is. So a child born to a non-Jewish mother, is not Jewish unless officially converted. From what I was raised to understand, you always know who a child is birthed by, but not necessarily who the father is, so the child takes on the religion of the mother.

Religion is different from the adoption.

[spaypets]

Also, the conversion ceremony was very moving for me. Since there isn't really a formal ceremony associated with adoption, having the ceremony welcoming my daughter into our faith and into the Jewish people's covenant with G-d was really powerful. This weekend when we hold her public naming ceremony with our friends and family gathered will be equally moving as we describe to all why we chose her name.

[debsdone]

"Why wouldn't convert? "

This is a sad question for me. I always assumed that the lovely story I was told about my birthfamily..."They were a wealthy Jewish couple who traveled too much to have a child"...was my mom's fantasy. Now I question if it was more a necessity for her to believe it! Neither my brother nor myself were converted. I don't think my mom wanted to acknowledge our biology that much. We were told we were adopted.....but we were also told we had the same allergies as mom. (we don't) It's hard to explain, but I think her ability to accept us as adopted has to end with her. there were no other parties involved....as in a non jewish birthmother. Wow....so I guess my kids aren't really jewish either? I just may have to go have a talk with my Rabbi about this....to see what we can do. Maybe a group conversion? Oy! Debi
(My brother had his bar mitzvah in a conservative temple, I would bet they never mentioned the adoption! Talk about denial!)

[spaypets]

Oy Debi!
Are you Reformed? Because most temples will acknowledge patrianial (sp?) lineage -- in other words, if your kids' father is Jewish, they will be. But, yeah, in less "liberal" congregations it could be an issue if it were to come up.

My rabbi (Reformed) said intent matters. So if you've always been told you were born Jewish and acted accordingly then I would expect that you _are_ Jewish. Unless you _know_ that your birth parents weren't Jewish, it may not matter. I'm sure, somewhere along the way someone's conversion or informal adoption rendered lots of families not strictly Kosher -- there's probably some teaching about this...

[debsdone]

yup....as reformed as it gets! LOL My husband is NOT jewish, (although he is enjoying it with us now) and my recently found birthmother is Baptist! There is a possibility birthfather is jewish....but I haven't been able to confirm that yet. I like the "intent" aspect..........this is all pretty new to me! I am actually afraid to say anything to my brother! He doesn't have any kids, so that part isn't as confusing. Ah well. I thank-you for the information. Obviously I have some questions to ask! My, very reformed temple, has a cool woman rabbi that I feel quite comfortable with. Again, thanks! I will bring any info to this thread...if and when I acquire it! Love, Debi

[gamzultova]

The messages everyone wrote was very interesting.

Please excuse my ignorance- I would like to understand if some of you are so excited by Jewish no longer looking Jewish (side note: I can't usually tell who is and who isn't- even without race, creed, and color being an issue. I take people as they are and wait until they tell me if they are.) then why is it important to convert the child? Esp. if all facets of the religion will not recognize the conversion?

I don't think there is anything wrong with a person converting a baby to their religion. For me I can't do it just to satisfy my own needs to be a parent of a child who is my religion. If a person wants to convert when they are older- fine, go ahead. But...
So you see it is an issue I am grappling with to understand better.