[Devora]

Hi!

I've read the previous threads here regarding conversions of adopted children and I know what the orthodox rules are. (I'm not orthodox -- I identify as reform but currently am a member of a conservative congregation.) I'm meeting with my rabbi next week to begin talking about the bris/conversion for our hoped-for-son who will hopefully be coming home soon from Guatemala.

Does anyone have suggestions of questions to ask the rabbi? I'm basically trying to get a sense for how he approaches this and what options he sees as working well in this community. So, I'm not looking so much for factual, rule-oriented questions, but rather questions that really get at how we can make this a meaningful experience.

A few background points:
* my husband is not Jewish, but I want for him to feel included and for it to be meaningful for him as well

* while my previous congregation always did something public to acknowledge baby-namings, I've never seen anything like that at this congregation so I don't know if it's appropriate to ask for a public blessing

* our little one will be about 6 months old when he comes home and we don't want to subject him to any medical procedures right away so the bris won't take place for a while (in addition to needing to be the appropriate weight for a non-newborn procedure); do you think it's appropriate to ask for some type of blessing (public or private) to acknowledge his homecoming before the actual bris and mikvah?

Thanks for any insights on this. I like the rabbi but have been a bit "on the fringes" of this congregation so I don't really have a sense of how it will be to talk with him about this.

Shalom,
Devora

[kat8eyes]

Hi Devora,
I think a lot of it will come down to whetehr you plan to do the bris, when it is time to do it, at home or at the shul. For your purposes, I would think you could do a public naming ceremony- these are typically done on saturday morning/fri eve services here- to actually give him his Hebrew name, if that's what you decide to do. The Rabbi might say he'd rather you do the naming with the bris.

The other suggestion I have is to perhaps host an oneg/kiddush in honor of your son/your new family soon after he's home with you. That's a great way to sort of publically announce your joy and introduce him to the congregation without going through the bris.

That would be a lot of fun- create a little party-style hoopla!

Good luck- let me know what the Rabbi has to suggest.

[spaypets]

Mazel Tov!

Well, one thing you'll need to ask is about the policies of the mikvah. In some areas, they are controled by the Orthodox shul and they only let conversions happen if you promise to raise the child Orthodox.

Never fear, that only means you'll have to find a natural body of water in which to dip your son. In our case, the mikvah did not have such restrictions, but we chose to have the conversion done in our own pond because it would be more meaningful to us.

Most rabbis are very familiar with adoption, including international adoption, because so many Jewish families are being created that way. It's absolutely appropriate for him to make an announcement on Shabbat and there are a number of blessings--my rabbi recited one thanking G-d for miracles when I walked in with our dd--that he can say. I think she also recited the she'hechianu -- thanking G-d for bringing us to this season.

We converted DD about two months after coming home in a private ceremony. About 5 months after coming home we had a naming ceremony and party at our house. Technically she had already been named as part of the conversion and we waited to have the party because we wanted her to be more comfortable with crowds. We took a lot of readings from two books about naming ceremonies -- one was "The New Jewish Baby Book: Names, Ceremonies, & Customs-a Guide for Today's Families" by Anita Diamant, which I highly recommend. We also used Celebrating Your New Jewish Daughter: Creating Jewish Ways to Welcome Baby Girls into the Covenant-New and Traditional Ceremonies by Debra Nussbaum Cohen. I realize you have a boy, but there were interesting services in that too. Since the actual bris will be much more of a medical procedure, you may want to just have a naming party after the boy recovers.

[BD2884]

Hi Devora:

We did exactly as spaypets suggested. We had our son circumsized (several months after he came home, allowing for an adjustment period), then waited several weeks to make sure that he healed, had a brit milah with very immediate family only, and then after all was healed and forgotten by our son, had a wonderful naming ceremony, where he enjoyed himself immensely. He had also received his name in the process of going to the mikvah, etc. but we really made it a very special day where all of my and my husband's my siblings had readings along with the grandparents. And the rabbi was wonderful about all of it including my very vocal discontent for all the hoops we had to go through to get it done since my son came home at 23 months.

Congratulations and much happiness with your new son.

Bari