[spaypets]

My Temple is having a program for members who have adopted transracially/culturally to discuss how we're raising our children with a Jewish identity while also honoring and teaching about our children's birth culture.

For my part it's a balancing act. I very much want to raise a daughter who feels comfortable as a Jew, but I also want her to feel pride in her ethnic heritage (India) too.

Where I'm conflicted is my feeling that I'm really being sort of inauthentic when I as a white, Jewish American try to do something Indian. So far my attempts have included having her naming ceremony catered by an Indian restaurant and frequently having Indian food on Shabbat.

My daughter has only been home 6 months and is only 2 so we have time to figure this stuff out.

What are others doing to foster both a Jewish identity and pride in your children's birth culture/heritage?

[Xanny]

We haven't adopted yet, but my cousin is from China and she's taking Chinese lessons. Also, they live next door to my brother, and his wife is Chinese and spends a lot of time with my cousin, so she has a Chinese role model. And finally, they belong to Families with Children from China, so they go to those events and my cousin gets to meet other kids from China who are living in multiracial families.

I can understand feeling "inauthentic" doing Indian things. I wonder if there is an Indian population where you live. If there is a cultural center or something like that, maybe you could bring your daughter to events when she gets older. And also, do research on Jews in India. They are definitely there (I also knew someone in college who did his thesis on Indians in Israel) and that can help bridge the gap. And maybe there is an organization for people who have adopted from India. Your agency could probably direct you to one.

I hope this helps. We are adopting from Russia, which I think will be easier, since many of the things we think of as culturally Jewish (chicken soup, kugel, superstitions about decorating baby rooms) are really Eastern European. Also I have Russian relatives who married into the family and aren't Jewish, so my daughter will grow up knowing Russians, and there are plenty of Russian Jews in the town where we are moving. But it's definitely a complicated issue. Just remember that Jews have been living in multicultural situations for thousands of years.

Good luck!

--Xanny

[Howdy]

That's nice that your synagogue is having a program. Any chance that you are in Denver?

I have been wrestling with the issue with my foster daughter. It turns out I don't get to keep her so it is good that she didn't develop a Jewish identity, but it was so disconcerting to have her pipe up from the backseat "I'm a Christian and a boy in my class is too!".

I've told my social worker I want a younger child next time. It felt too awkward to me with an older child, though as someone pointed out to me on one of the Jewish Adoption lists, the uncertainty of whether a foster child will be adoptable makes the situation difficult.

Food is a major discomfort, my foster daughter only likes a couple foods (e.g., cheese dogs) and they are not kosher. So I let her eat them, but I feel uncomfortable having non-kosher food in the house, but she doesn't have to follow kashrut so I figure she should have what she wants (particularly since there are so few foods she likes). I drew the line at shellfish and pork, but had to resort to saying 'it's against the law!' and trusting that she's too little to ask 'whose law?'

[spaypets]

We're not in Denver

Gosh I never thought about how hard it would be with foster children AND being kosher. Luckily my daughter was only 18 months when she came home.

We live in a very rural state with a tiny Indian population, so it would be hard, especially when she is this young to do Indian type things (the restaurant is 50 minutes away!). It's interesting, I've said this before, temple is the most integrated place I go other than adoption-related events. The temple has about 70 families and I think there are at least 5 and maybe 7 families who have adopted cross culturally. That's huge considering the overall makeup of our state!

There is a playgroup for parents of children adopted from Asia, but it's mostly children from China. I do think it's important to also embrace adoption culture and since we have good friends who have a son adopted from Korea (we met in adoption classes) I think we're on our way to doing this.

One of the things the rabbi mentioned was that she's noticed transculturally adopted children tend to have issues with identity about bar/bat mitzvah age. Has anyone had any experience with that?

[BrandyHagz]

I’m not Jewish, but I like to read about others religious affiliations and such, so I clicked the link…hope you don’t mind me posting!

Liz, you said that your FD loved hotdogs, but that you had a hard time bringing non-kosher items into the house…I was wondering if you have ever heard of
Hebrew National Hot Dogs

I know they are big sellers here in Hot Dog Country (Chicago)…maybe you could order them online at a specialty food market.

You said your FD would be leaving soon…but I thought it would be worth posting the links, incase you run into this issue again in the future!

[spaypets]

Hi Brandy, of course you can post.

I think Liz was concerned about the cheese dogs -- you can't mix milk and meat if you're kosher so a cheesr dog, cheese burger etc. would all be unkosher.

[Yocheved]

We adopted three black children and are raising them in an Orthodox Jewish community. They all attend Orthodox Jewish Day School. My husband is white and I am biracial, both of us were raised in Orthodox homes. It's important that all children love both their Jewish faith and their ethnicity. However, living in the comunity that we do and attending the school that they do the only other non white Jew they are exposed to is me! So I have found that they are not as focused on their differences and are more focused on their similarities with their friends. I do make sure that they are as exposed to their ethnic culture as I can. However, I can't take them out to eat in anything other than Kosher resturants. So eating ethnic food is kind of out of the question. However, I assure you you can foster pride in your children without compromizing your faith.
Good luck

[Yocheved]

Brandy,
Just so you know, Hebrew National Hot Dogs are not KOSHER. They lost their certification some time ago. Add that to the law of not mixing milk and meat it just can't be done.
However, you can eat a kosher hot dog with soy cheese. However, the sprit of the law will be broken. But if you are trying to feed a child that won't eat always remember that the Rabbi's teach "Life before Torah".

[Xanny]

Yocheved,

Maybe you could find some ethnic recipes and modify them and cook them yourself. I don't know where your kids are from, if they're African-American then the issue of truly "cultural" foods is tricky. There are regional foods, like Southern foods (fried chicken, cornbread, etc.) but that's not necessarily African American. But I know when I've eaten in African restaurants, there are usually vegetarian options, and you could definitely make those in a kosher home.

Also, for DenverLiz, you can always tell a child that you can't have certain foods in your house because it's against your religion, even if it's not against hers. Maybe she could have those things if you're in a restaurant or at someone else's house, but there's nothing wrong with saying you have separate plates for milk and meat, so she can't have them together in your house. Most kids can understand that house rules apply to them, even if the religion doesn't.

Just a couple of thoughts. Take from them what you will.

--Xanny

[acgh2003]

First of all I think it is important to educate yourself on the particular culture. I personally would look into play groups, support groups and attend cultural programs or events to help gain a better knowledge of what is involved in the practices of the heritage. Then I think I would make it a practice to take somethings from that heritage and implant them into a weekly routine. That could involve attending play groups with other indian children. Look into finding an adult who has these practices and learn from them, this can be done through locating a support group which probably can be located in your area via internet services. Or maybe contacting a community service center or a tribe itself.Visiting the tribe on a monthly basis might be a good idea also. Allow your child to grow with gaining knowledge of cultural differences.And gaining a respect for cultureand an identity of herself. Some say combine cultures makes a child grow up confused I do not agree I believe that teaching a child cultural differences can gain a cultural balance between different worlds and people. I feel that it is our responsibilty as parents to give our children as much knowledge we can and that involves understanding the make up of cultures and the understanding of them and people. It is our responsibilty as parents to provide an sense of acceptance to them as well as to their own heritage and to teach them the importance of respecting that heritage as well as their own identity. The acceptance of them means we loved them enough to encourage their own self growth.

[redhedded]

but am immensely enjoying reading this thread and "Adoption and What is Jewish?" Hope that I am welcome. Three of my closest friends are Jewish, one raised Orthodox and two reform; now all consider their Jewish identity to be an ethnic or cultural experience or connection, not at all a connection of religion. Each is raising her/his children Jewish.

Spaypets: Always enjoy reading your posts. I can tell you with a Thai husband and Indian brother in law, as children, they only wanted to fit in and not be different - be American. They hated going to temple and did not wish to participate in Thai or Indian groups. After 30 years, brother in law's mother continues to speak only Hindi to him; in response, he will speak only English back to her. Obviously, as adults, their appreciation of these forced experiences is much greater. By far, their greatest and most valued connection to their ethnicity is their love and vast knowledge of their native food. They love preparing for all of us, by taking turns (Thai and Indian). Your daughter's Jewish identity, if prominent in your home, may come naturally to her. To increase her Indian connection, maybe you and she could take a cooking class together when she gets a bit older or take Hindi; my sister learned at 30. I think it is great that you are trying to bridge that connection.

[spaypets]

Of course you are welcome here! I think your multicultural family is fascinating! I think your DH's and BIL's desire to assimilate are common among the children of immigrants. So many of us want to be American, whatever that means.

It's going to be a challenge to bring Indian culture into our family primarily because there is no nearby Indian community. But DH and I fell in love with the country and can't wait until DD is old enough to bring back for a visit. We've even floated the idea of spending a year there (when she is older and our dogs are gone).

Meanwhile, I'm going to shop the internet for Bollywood DVDs and Indian pop music! I've already bought her an Indian ragdoll for Chanukah!

[Shai's Mom]

My son was born in Israel, his birth-mother is Russian Jewish and made Aliya in her early teens.

My husband is Sephardic (14th generation Sabra, his father's family came to Israel after the Expulsion from Spain), I am Ashkenazi of Eastern European (German/Polish) descent.

I haven't really though much about how to approach my son's cultural heritage, should I even worry about it too much?

I'd very much appreciate input..

[Yocheved]

I'm not sure that your son will ever see or feel any difference in cultural heritage. I'm sure as he grows and you talk to him about being adopted you can include what you know about his heritage, age appropraitely of course.And as he asks questions, answer them. As for my children, who are Black and Orthodox Jews the cultural difference is obvious. But even with that they are self assured young people, ages 3, 10 and 13. I work to insure that they have pride in both of their cultures thru books, museums etc. However, cultural inclusion is almost impossible in an Orthodox community while attending Yesheva. But they seem to be hanging in there and doing well. I say all this to say, don't worry, with love it will all work out.
Good Luck