[lemonchutney]

My husband and I are not Jewish, but many people think we are because we "look Jewish" and have a "Jewish sounding" last name.

My biofather's relatives are Jewish (although he himself is not), and both my husband's parent's relatives are Jewish (although they themselves are not). So we weren't raised Jewish, but I've actually been TOLD by Christians that we ARE Jewish, because my bfather's parents are Jewish and both his parents' parents were Jewish. Huh? I guess they think this because Christianity is patrilineal and Christians tend to think of Jewishness as a religion AND a race.

Although I don't think of myself as Jewish, part of the point of being a reunited adoptee is learning about your heritage. So is it correct to say that my heritage is half Jewish? I sort of do think this way, but I've been corrected by some Jewish people that there is no such thing as "half Jewish." Where does that leave me..? Still unable to claim my lost heritage.

Anyway, there's a lot of ignorance and misinformation out there as to what makes a person Jewish. So at times I've been confused, especially because I didn't know anything at all about my bfamily until I was in my twenties, and I knew nothing and still don't know much at all about the Jewish faith. Reading some of the threads here has gone a long way toward helping me parse the facts, but I still have some questions.

A child of a Jewish mother is born Jewish, but at a certain point makes a decision whether or not to continue being Jewish, right? So if an adult is Jewish only by virtue of making a conscious decision to practice the Jewish faith, then what is meant by the terms "non-practicing Jew" or "secular Jews." Do such terms make sense?

Also, does the Jewish faith teach that race is a cultural construction with no biological basis (this is what I believe), or does it teach that Jewishness is a racial category (in addition to being a religion and cultural practice).

I realize informed opinions may differ on these questions.

I hope none of my questions or comments are offensive in any way. I am trying to get some understanding of a topic that has tangentially touched my life and has been confusing to me.

Lurking ignorant person ;-)

LC

[Shoshana]

I'll try to answer some of your questions but I hope someone else will chime in and give more detailed (accurate?) answers.

I believe the only people who are considered Jewish by the Orthodox and Conservative movements are those born to a Jewish mother. Reform Jews (some? all?) accept patrilineal descent. ( Of course, Hitler believed anyone with even a small portion of Jewish blood from past generations to be Jewish.)

This is why adopted children need to be converted to be considered Jewish. (Unless of course the birth mother, or father in the case of Reform, is Jewish). As both an adoptee and a future-adoptive mother, this aspect of the religion is not one I am fond of.

One can be 'culturally' or 'secularly' or 'ethnically' Jewish without practicing the religion. These are people born into a Jewish family/community who either did not practice the faith as children with their families, or who choose not to practice as adults. (It is my opinion as a single convert to Judaism) that is difficult to 'learn' this cultural identity as an adult ;-). I do not believe that Jewish is considered a racial category among any of the movements in Judaism.

Children are accepted as adults into the the Jewish faith at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. They 'reaffirm' their commitment to Judaism at the Confirmation (which occurs prox age 16 if the child continues with religious education post-Bat Mitzvah).

Many children are being raised in inter-faith families. While the religion itself may not have a 'half-Jewish' construct, these children do indeed have ties to both a Jewish and a non-Jewish heritage.

I learned that I had a biological great-great grandmother who converted from Judaism to Catholicism when she married and left Poland. Since the matrilineal decent ended with her conversion, she was the last Jew in my birth family.

The people at the synagogues I attended before I made the decision to convert were amazing and incredibly welcoming.

In your case, you weren't raised Jewish and as an adult have not converted to Judaism, so you would not BE Jewish. However, you STILL have a Jewish heritage that is yours to claim and celebrate.

Hope this helps a little...

[spaypets]

Elizabeth has it right...

I'd add only that someone who self-identifies as a a non-practicing Jew or secular Jew still isn't any thing else (ie Christian). It is one thing to not go to synagogue -- it's another to go to church. Lots of these folks mark religious occasions by having big family meals -- they just leave the G-d part out.

Because your Jewish heritage is actually even further back than your parents, you can say your ancestors were Jewish (and to be more accurate you might want to clarify by saying "Russian Jews" or "German Jews").

BTW, I believe that confirmation is a relatively new stage, done in part to encourage Jewish teenagers to continue learning instead of stopping at the bar or bat mitzvah stage. The choice to continue being Jewish isn't a declaration per se, I was never bat mitzvahed (although merely turning 12 was considered good enough) or asked to declare my continuing intention to be a practicing Jew. I just continued to practice by attending synagogue voluntarily, lighting the Sabbath candles and not eating pork.

[Brat]

OK, please forgive me for my wrongness if I am out of line in posting on this thread. It's really being done out of care, and a desire to be educated.

I am one of those Christians who has always believed that if you are born to a Jewish family, you are Jewish, whether you are practicing the faith or not. Now, I just feel HORRIBLE if my thinking has been completely out of line.

I have three friends who are Jewish. One is very observant, one doesn't go to synagogue regularly but observes holy days (holidays?), and the other practices Hinduism. All of them say they are not Caucasian, but Jewish--especially the one who practices Eastern religion.

Let me see if I can draw some parallels to Christianity. There are Christians who are observant (rely on Christ in every area of their lives and are very active in the church and/or missions), those who just go to church on Easter and Christmas Eve, and those who grew up in a Christian home but don't go to church and don't think God is really concerned with their daily lives. Some people would call this last category of Christian not Christians at all because they have most likely never made a personal profession of their belief. Is this similar to a person who grew up in a Jewish home, but no longer or never embraced the faith?

I really want to just understand because I really don't want to be stupid and insult my friends. My Hindu-practicing friend is very proud of not calling himself Caucasian, but Jewish. One of my friends had to fill out an application recently and when she had the option of choosing Caucasian, African American, Latino and other typically categorized races, she put "Other." Since I am AA, I have had conversations with all three friends about our shared experiences with prejudice. I really don't want to carry my own in my ignorance of what it means to be Jewish.

One more thing...my dh and I have selected a Jewish agency. We have had positive experiences with Christian agencies, but feel the best about this one. They don't do lots of outreach, and most of the networking is done when prospective aparents work w/facilitators or lawyers. But in the back of my mind, I ponder whether, though they work with bmothers of all faiths (and no faiths) we will be matched through the agency with the child of a Jewish mother. If so, I have been concerned about how I will ensure s/he is connected to his/her heritage. Now, if you aren't Jewish unless you are practicing, would I actually be wrong to do this?

Now I'm all confused.

I don't want to ask my friends because we are keeping as mum as possible about our adoption plans until our homestudy is complete.

Any thoughts?!

[Shoshana]

Your questions about "who is Jewish" were addressed in both mine and spaypets posts above...

re Jewish & race. This is WAY beyond my area of expertise (I am neither a geneticist nor an anthropologist) but this is my understanding.

Jews are not a race. Jews belong to various ethnic and cultural groups, but not to a specific race. Many Jews are white (which includes peoples of northern & eastern european origins and middle eastern origins,) some are Black (African origins), others are Hispanic (though Hispanic is not always considered a race indistinguishable from white or Black), and some are Asian. As an aside, Caucasian only refers to a small subset of the white race -- those whose origins are in the Caucasus mountain regions of Russia.

The idea that race can be determined by viewing/examining an individual's appearance is outdated and is not born out by genetics. There is MORE variation WITHIN a race, than across races. Most scientists today view race primarily as a political and social construct, not a genetic one. My guess is that your friends were confusing ethnicity with race -- many people do.

Re your agency -- sorry, I can't speak to whether a Jewish birth birth mother would choose you). It's my hunch that it would be difficult for Christian adoptive parents to raise a child born to a Jewish mother as a Christian but still maintain --active-- ties to the Jewish heritage.

[lemonchutney]

Thanks so much, everyone, for your replies! I now feel quite a bit more secure in my understanding, which is not to say that I completely understand..

I must admit that I'm still a little confused, but I think I'll blame my confusion on not being raised in a Jewish family. It is becoming clear to me that "What is Jewish?" is a religious question with religious answers. It is not a scientific question, so the answers should not be expected to fit into a scientific, "rational" framework. Is that fair to say? Maybe this is why Christain and Jewish people tend to answer the question differently. And neither answer makes complete sense to me, because I am not Christian or Jewish.

It seems to me the truest thing I can say about my heritage is what Spaypets suggests:

>>your ancestors were Jewish (and to be more accurate you might want to clarify by saying "Russian Jews" or "German Jews").

As far as I know, my ancestors were Ukrainian/Polish Jews on my father's side and Scottish/English Presbyterians on my mother's side. And there were probably some atheists and agnostics in there, too. Whew. Glad I got that sorted out! ;-)

Seriously, after all my years in closed adoption, having NO CLUE who my ancestors were, it's truly fantastic to know these tidbits and to be able to claim something of my heritage. (By the way, I also think my heritage includes the wonderful and some not so wonderful experiences I've had in my adoptive family.)

LC

PS: Here's an interesting article that backs up what Elizabeth is saying about biological/cultural race.
http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/site...ter5/faqs.html

[Brat]

Elizabeth, thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your knowledge on the topic at hand, especially for someone who claims not to be an anthropologist. Wow! Just so you know, I asked further questions because I was having difficulty wrapping my mind around it all, and trying to draw some parallels that made sense to me. Obviously, I am a bit confused because my friends who are Jewish have never expressed the viewpoints I have read in this forum. (I'm glad I'm not the only one whose head is spinning a bit, LC.)

I can't tell that a person is Jewish by his or her looks. In fact, until I went to college and got my first in-person exposure to anti-semitism, I didn't realize that there were even surnames that were Jewish. Honestly, when I was growing up and just learning about the holocaust, I was like, "Why would one Caucasian person be so hateful to another?" At that point, I was an AA child in a Caucasian school, and color-based racism was the only kind I really "got." Now, I see so much, everywhere, for so many stupid reasons and it's overwhelming.

My husband does not believe in race. Yet, if he had to check a form, he'd check Caucasian. That's because there's no form that says defines his English, Austrian, German, etc., etc. heritage. Some forms just say White. What's White? At the same time, while I'll check African American, I'm also Seminole and Irish. All of this race/ethnicity stuff is so confusing. I thought, and this is the absolute truth, that when a person defined him or herself as Jewish by race, that was done out of pride in heritage. I never thought of it as something imposed on people of Jewish heritage.

My questions were not centered on whether a Jewish birthmom would choose us. Our agency doesn't do much networking, and the networking it does is not centered on any one community. My question was, if a Jewish birthmom chooses us, what are some suggestions some posters in this forum have if we were to raise a child who has Jewish roots. You're right--celebrating his/her Jewish heritage would be difficult, but I would be willing to to do it if it makes any sense to do so. There are Jewish people in my community who actually profess Christianity, yet still observe Jewish cultural traditions. What does that look like? I sincerely hope I am not asking a question that offends. If so, just let me know.

That said, what I have noticed is my own community is that people don't talk. They make assumptions about each other's faiths and don't even try to find out the truth. Every time my friends tell me one new thing, I eat it up. My hope is that by asking questions and exposing my own ignorance, bridges to understanding will develop. That's my hope. If anything else comes across in this thread, that is not my intent, and I apologize.

[Brat]

Just read the link you provided. Thanks! Good stuff!

[Bonnie S.]

Originally posted by Brat
That said, what I have noticed is my own community is that people don't talk. They make assumptions about each other's faiths and don't even try to find out the truth. Every time my friends tell me one new thing, I eat it up. My hope is that by asking questions and exposing my own ignorance, bridges to understanding will develop. That's my hope. If anything else comes across in this thread, that is not my intent, and I apologize.

Brat, you just hit on what I believe to be the root of hatred. People do not talk or even care to learn about cultural or religious diversity. They just condemn. It is very sad.

I still am a bit confused, although I am Jewish, was raised in a Jewish family and have officially converted my son to Judaism. He was born to a non-Jewish woman. My confusion? Why do people think of Judaism as a race? It is not. It is a religion. I have never once seen anywhere that Judaism or Christianity was listed as a race. I am Caucasian, my religion is Jewish. Why is there such confusion on this matter?

And, Brat, questioning for the purpose of learning is never offensive.

[Brat]

Bonnie...

Thank you so much for "feeling" where I am coming from. I was pondering your thoughts, and I think that Christians--as stated in LC's original post--think of Jewish people as being a race because of stories we read in the Old Testament about the Jewish people, and our interpretations.

For example just this morning I was reading in my devotional about Miriam. The related passage was the story of her punishment for getting on Moses' case for marrying a Cu****e woman. The devotional writer said that Miriam thought that Moses could have found someone just as good for him within their race, and didn't agree with him going outside of it.

I think that seeing Israel as a nation--just as the United States is a nation--might help. Anyone can become a part of that nation but, naturally, there are some that are direct descendents of those who first founded it. Am I starting to get it at all yet?

I have always been confused about what separates Jewish people from others, in fact, why there is such "othering." And then I just open up my Old Testament and I read about Egypt, and the various persecutions that Israel faced, and I just look at today's events as more of the same. And yet through it all is a thread that I was taught in church and read throughout scripture, that the Jewish people are God's chosen people. Why do people want to pick on God's chosen people? Jealousy? I don't know, and don't get it. My husband doesn't get it either, but unlike me, he would hear his grandparents utter anti-semetic things. He just didn't get it. His parents found their prejudice offensive and raised their children to respect everyone.

I believe that no one is immune to prejudice--we all have them. But I honestly have never understood anti-semitism beyond it being just more of the same historical stuff.

I hope that made sense...gotta run to work!

[lemonchutney]

>>Why do people think of Judaism as a race? It is not. It is a religion. I have never once seen anywhere that Judaism or Christianity was listed as a race.

The idea that Jewishness is a race is generally associated with anti-Semitism, and I think there is a connection. But I also think there is genuine innocent confusion among people who don't have ill feelings toward Jewish people.

One reason for this might be the Conservative and Orthodox teaching that Jewishness is decsended through the mother, and the Reform teaching that Jewishness can also be decsended through the father.

I don't think Christians have this idea of automatic religious decsendence. Rather, a child must be baptised to be considered a Christian. Some Christians don't believe in baptising babies, and instead wait until after the older child has professed an acceptance of Jesus. (Brat, please correct me if I'm wrong here.)

Anyway, post-Mendel, when people think of automatic decsendence, they think of genetics and DNA. When people think of genetics and DNA, they (wrongly, I think) think of race.

So when Jewish people say that any child born by a Jewish mother is Jewish, people think "Jewish" is a race, something that is carried in the genes and does not go away no matter what religion the child practices. This wrong-headed thinking is furthered by the idea of secular or non-religious Jews. If Jewishness is just a religion and not somehow something that resides within the physical being, then why would a non-religious person continue to think of herself (and be thought of) as "Jewish"? I understand Jewishness is made up of cultural practices in addition to religious practices, so this question is rhetorical to show how Jewishness might be confused with racial categories. I practice Christmas and Easter as fun family holiday get-togethers, but I'm not a Christian, and I don't call myself a secular Christian or a non-practicing Christian. I am simply a non-Christian. Christianity ended for me the moment I decided I didn't believe fundamental Christian teachings.

As an aside, I know some people like my father-in-law whose mother and father were Jewish (practicing the religion), and he decided as a young man that religion was not for him. He does not call himself a secular Jew, but then he hasn't stayed connected with any of the cultural practices either.

LC

[spaypets]

I've really enjoyed reading this discussion...

Brat, you wondered about "othering" and I think in order to understand this you have to look at the history of the Jewish people.

First, I'm by no means an expert and am drawing examples off the top of my head, so if someone notices an inaccuracy, then please let me know.

When Judaism was founded, it was the first monotheistic religion and it was surrounded by people who worshipped many gods and idols. Because the foundation of Judaism was so different, I imagine that its followers deliberately separated from the rest of the culture. The tradition of circumcision was to symbolize Abraham's covenant with G-d, but it also was to distinguish the Jews from the Gentiles. The whole point of being chosen is to differentiate yourself from everyone else.

Ok, fast forward to the Diaspora -- after the destruction of the Temple, Jews were thrown to the four winds and scattered throughout the world -- in an attempt to avoid losing their traditions and faith, they "stuck together" seperating themsleves from others. Remember, there are all kinds of dietary laws that kept Jews from eating in others homes, planting and farming rules that kept them from farming with others, work rules that may have been unpopular with neighbors etc.

Now, skip over to Medieval times, when basically political life was run by the Catholic Church. Jews became easy scapegoats (not that they weren't before -- they were often seen as threats to the polical establishment). In some areas because of rules about land ownership etc. Jews became money lenders and merchants because those were the only jobs open to them -- this made them unpopular with peasants. And, since hand washing was part of the liturgy, Jews didn't get the plague as much as others, and so were blamed for it. Jews were segregated in ghettos at that time too.

This hostility remains today. Some of the most virulent anti-semitism and blood libel is rooted in Medieval thought.


Anyway to get to your other question about teaching an adopted child about his Jewish heritage, I have to say there's only so much you can do if you're not Jewish. In the same way that those of us who have adopted internationally struggle with teach our children about a culture we don't share with them, you will have the same struggle.

Sure, you can light Chanukah candles or go to a Passover seder (lots of synaguogues host interfaith ones), but it isn't the same as living a Jewish life. Any more than me serving Indian food or having sparklers on Diwali is living an Indian life for my daughter.

In some ways, it may be simpler not to bother. My daughter clearly is Indian -- you can tell by looking. So there will be circumstances when that's how she will be treated. But chances are, no one would be able to identify your child as from a Jewish background (despite all jokes about "looking Jewish"), so no one will treat him as anything but how you're raising him (since Judiaism is a religion not a race).


I hope this all make sense -- I'm speeding through this at work.

[lemonchutney]

Brat,

My son goes to an English/Mandarin bilingual daycare. Many of the parents adopted their kids from China, and are making the effort to give their children an opportunity to learn Mandarin. My son isn't adopted, but I liked this daycare better than the other ones I visited, and consider the Mandarin exposure a cool bonus. Anyway, if you adopt a child whose bio-parents were descended from the Hebrew people, maybe you could somehow give your child the opportunity to learn Hebrew.

Just a thought..

LC

[lemonchutney]

My husband's last name is *berg, and once he was contacted by a German fellow with the same last name who was doing genealogical studies. My husband launched into his knowledge of his German ancestors (who were Jewish), and the German expressed great surprise that there were Jewish *bergs in Germany. My husband expressed great surprise that there were non-Jewish *bergs in Germany.

Many Americans assume we're Jewish because our last name ends in -berg, and we have largish noses and dark hair. I assume this sometimes affects how we're treated and how our son will be treated.

So we're lumped into a category on one side, and not accepted in that category by the other side.

LC

[spaypets]

I am Jewish but my husband isn't (mostly Irish Catholic, actually). I have a German sounding last name (starts with an Sch- but doesn't end in -berg, -stein, or -man), but not particularly Jewish. Although there are Jews with this name that I'm not related to, I've met more non-Jews with this last name.

My husband, on the other hand, besides being mostly Irish, has a very Jewish sounding name (starts with an Sch- and ends with
-man). So, despite the fact that I married a non-Jewish guy, my daughter has a very Jewish sounding name!).