[RobertHafetz]

Originally Posted by spaypets

Hope everyone had an easy fast....

My question is why wouldn't Jewish adoptive parents convert a baby? It is so easy -- if your local michvah won't let you do it, all you need to do is find a natural body of water. Not to convert the baby means that in only the most liberal synagogues will the child be considered Jewish. Not only could the issue come up again at bar or bat mitzvah time, but also at the time of the child's wedding. Or the grandchild's wedding...

My aunt's mother is a convert. My aunt married into a frum (very orthodox family). My aunt had to convert even though her mother had already converted because her mother's conversion wasn't considered good enough by the orthodox rabbi marrying her. It wasn't a big deal since my aunt was very educated and orthodox anyway, but still it shows how these things can have ramifications for generations.

My daughter's reform conversion likely won't satisfy an very orthodox rabbi, but it will be good enough for Reform and Conservative synagogues. And, since she "doesn't look Jewish" she has a paper that proves she is.

Looking at this question from the adoptees perspective: If you wont convert me the message I get is that I am not good enough to be converted. Not good enough to be a complete member of the adoptive family. When you adopt a human being you adopt every domain of that persons being and share yours with it. At the same time one can never forget that there will always be another mother in that childs heart and mind. Just as the adopted child must find a balance in this so must the adoptive family. Balance comes from insight and honest sharing without fear.

[Shai's Mom]

I used to belong to a Conservative temple when I lived in the US. I also got the occasional "You don't look Jewish" line (I'm a fair skinned red-head) It used to really royally peeve me.

I've never heard this here in Israel. There are so many different types and skin-tones, it's amazing, ranging from the fairest Eastern Europeans to the darkest Ethiopians, with much, much in between. The diversity is incredible.

My 4 year old son is fair skinned with blue eyes, my 10 months old son is darker skinned (Ethiopian birth mother, miscellaneous Israeli father). They are both very beautiful boys and I love seeing them together. Both are jewish by birth, from both sides.

If someone gives you that "You don't look Jewish" line, tell them to go to Israel and decide there who looks Jewish and who doesn't. Our people have been so diversified by life in the Diaspora, there is no real Jewish type anymore.

[Exchangesis]

I unfortunatly have another perspective on the conversions issue. I am not adopted, but my mom converted to Judiasm before i was born. She did the whole body of water thing (the reform conversion). I later went to a Jewish school for 5 years (in HOng Kong). The school was run by the orthodox synagouge in HK, and the Rabbis for the most part there were very rude to me because they didnt consider me 'Jewish'. They even created a 'Bat Mitzva club', which all of the girls in my grade, the grade above and below me were invited to join, except for me. This was very hurtful to me because i didnt see myself as any less jewish then any of the other kid, infact, we were more religious then half of them (my dad is israeli). Well, so i guess i went off topic a little, but jsut a warning, some orthodox synagoges can be VERY unwelcoming to people who they dont consider Jewish. However, this is may just be the case for synagoges outside of the US .

[schenbergjoan]

In reply to the post regarding intolerance for non-Orthodox people in orthodox synagogues outside the US. We belong to a reform congregation, and the conversion was acceptable. We had this done the orthodox way in the Mikvah.

I do know that one of the parents of two boys in our reform congregation who are adopted from Paraguay commented that at the conservative Jewish day school, her boys would get comments and questions as to whether they were black, etc. She pulled them out of this school and put them in the public school system. Also said they did not encounter this attitude in our reform congregation.

[jewishadoptionblog]

I think it really depends on the community. Just like there are some 'bad classes' in any school - public, private or parochial - so too there are some less tolerant communities or synagogues. We are orthodox, and belong to an orthodox synagogue. Our daughter is black, and adopted. And goes to a Jewish day school. We have had nothing but an overall positive experience.
All I'm trying to say, is that I'd be hesitant to think that what some people's clearly unfortunate experience was in some orthodox circles, it is certainly not the norm.

[schenbergjoan]

I think you are right, that it depends on the individual school or congregation. We have attended Bar Mitzvahs at a very conservative shul here that has a pretty good number of adopted children from different ethnic backgrounds and the families are comfortable with that shul.

All I can say is that if a school or congregation is not comfortable for you, open to differences, etc., then you can search and find one that is. When we joined our reform congregation I told my daughter I did not know if there would be other kids there who look like her. Turns out that this congregation probably has more ethnic variety than most. My daughter used to say that we got fewer stares there than anywhere else.