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Old 03-18-2004, 04:22 PM
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nancynic nancynic is offline
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what would you say ...

What would you say the biggest challenge of an interracial or interfaith marriage is?

What's a blessing?

I'd love to hear from you and I know others would too ...
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Old 05-10-2004, 02:20 PM
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GwendolynP GwendolynP is offline
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Question Very Interested 2

Being part of an interracial marriage, I am very interested in hearing what readers have to say in response to this question...
Very Excited about hearing the sound of our childs voice in our home, SOON....A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on......A bundle of love to call OUR own, WILL come into our hearts and home.
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Old 05-10-2004, 04:16 PM
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nancynic nancynic is offline
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for Gwendolyn

Hi Gwendolyn,

Thanks for responding ... would you like to start us off since you are part of an interracial marriage?

Have you found people are kind and curious? Do you experience other responses? What do you feel you have to offer children - yours and others?

Please let us know, thanks!

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Old 05-23-2008, 09:57 PM
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o2b30again o2b30again is offline
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Well I am lucky to be in both of these categories. My husband is Asian/Cauc and I am Cauc. I am Christian and he is Atheist. Something that I find to be a challenge is people saying racist things not realizing that my husband and children fall into that category! As far as our faith. Well we raise our children Christian because that is what we agreed when we married. For the most part life is pretty our crazy home
Mommy to 8 spunky kids!
By Birth:
15 yrold
17 yrold

Adoption Classes 09/21/07
Application submitted 09/26/07
Licensed 01/01/08

Matched 01/25/08
current ages:
6 yr old Home at 2yrs
8 yr old Home at 3 yrs
9 yr old Home at 4 yrs
Came home July 12, 2008
Finalized Sept 30, 2009!

Matched 02/05/09:
current ages:
4 yr old Home at 11m
7 yr old Home at 3 yrs
11 yr old Home at 7 yrs
Came home Feb. 5, 2009
Finalized June 24, 2010

Application submitted 10/27/2011
Waiting for completed homestudy and match

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

"The barriers of biology cannot be made to go away -- but they can be climbed over."
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Old 10-21-2008, 08:03 AM
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melissa_bear003 melissa_bear003 is offline
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Our biggest challenge was with my dh's birth family, I think.

His bsister was...well...a hag. She was angry with him for not marrying in his heritage, but choosing me, a *gasp* 'white woman'. He has other uncles/cousins/etc that also disapprove, and have made comments about 'thats what happens when you're raised white' etc. We used to fight early in our marriage whenever his sister was around. She'd whisper in his ear about First Nations culture, and how I was disrespecting it, that I overstepped my place for being married to a First Nations man, etc. Meanwhile, my husband has no better idea of First Nations culture than I do, and his sister was just basically full of hooey, and trying to stir up trouble.

She also tried to convince him that we should give her a key to our home, as 'First Nations culture doesn't allow for locked door between family members!" Yeah, he didn't go for that.

Once my dh quit worrying about who his birth family said he should be, and started being who he is, our marital problems vanished.

Honestly, I'd say we've had more issues because of adoption than because of race.

I've also been on the receiving end of a fair bit of discrimination and horrid comments, by First Nations women that I don't know from Adam. Up to and including comments about our son being 'too white' and asking if my dh had asked about it. Heck, my dh's afamily made all sorts of pointed comments, asking how our son was blonde and blue eyed, when dh is so dark. Uh, dh's father was a Swedish blonde, green eyed man, duh...but they kept it up anyways, until I asked if they'd like me to draw a Mendelian chart to explain simple human genetics and inheritance
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Old 10-22-2008, 06:30 PM
mommy2fiveplus mommy2fiveplus is offline
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We don't have a whole lot of problems with the race card because my boyfriend is aa/cc (raised aa) but looks more hispanic than anything else and I am cc but look cc/na (my mom's birth dad is 1/2 na) and our five kids run the gamut of the color rainbow as some are birth and some are adopted.

I had a problem with his families VERY christain beliefs, in part because I was accomstomed to mostly judgemental christians and figured they would cast me as "going to hell" the moment they found out I did not share a great deal of their belifes. My fear was unfounded, they were and 8 years later are still really good about it.

The one challenge is that I am a "space" person ie: I have a HUGE personal space bubble and I don't like it invaded (except by my kids) and I don't know if this is true of all or many aa people but they (his family) have like zero personal space and they invade mine all the time. They hug and kiss and throw thier arms around you with out any warning.

The one really awesome thing about have a mixed race and interfaith relationship/family is my kids are incrediblly tolerant to differences among people, exterior and interior. Many times my kids do not even notice the things that seem so obvious to outsiders. ie: my kids are just as likely to describe a child as "the kid w/ the red ball" where someone else may see "the black child with the leg braces".
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Bio (x4), adoptive (x2) and foster mom x 10 years
Foster sibling x 20+ years

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Old 09-01-2009, 07:28 PM
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anilorak13ska anilorak13ska is offline
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Great question! My dh is Latino, and I'm... technically White, though I identify specifically as Polish-American, bc I immigrated here as a child, and I remember my birth country, still speak my native language, and in a lot of other ways do not relate to typical waspian values.

Honestly, we don't usually think of ourselves as a mixed couple - dh is sometimes thought to be Lebanese, other times just White, although he looks plenty Latino to me (which is why I fell for him! lol) Plus, he does have some indigenous traits, as his great-grandmother was I believe Pipili Indian.

The best part of our marriage is that we both bring a unique culture and language to the home. We're Latina/Polish-by-association, and are involved with each other's cultural events. We intend to teach our kids both of our native languages in addition to English.

As another poster mentioned, one thing that irks me is the comments people make about Latinos, especially along the lines of "illegals" and "non-English-speakers" when it's clear they don't know that 1) I'm married to "one of those", and 2) I'm "one of those" immigrants they berate as well.

We've been blessed that both of our families have been uber-supportive of us since day one. DH never dated Latinas for some reason, so his family wasn't surprised with me, and in fact they were thrilled that I already spoke Spanish. And my mom did admit upon my asking her straight-up if she would've preferred for me to marry a Polish guy (would've NEVER happened, btw!), that she did, but now that she knows Oscar, he's like a second son to her. And in fact, they are alike in a lot of their preferences and values, even when I don't mesh with it.

Actually, I'd say our biggest "problem" (if you can call it that) is not being recognized as a mixed couple. I always pass for a WASP, and folks don't always realize dh is Latino either (I guess bc dh is so tall and speaks fluent English).
married 5/8/2003
Feel free to ask me about our experience with:
~~ Private Domestic Adoption
.....fall throughs w/ 4 bmoms May 2008 - March 2010
~~ Foster Care
.....Baby VV 9/28/09 - 7/28/10 RU w/ mom 9/3/10
.....inquired on many waiting kids in US foster care to no avail Summer 2009 - Fall 2010
~~ International adoption
.....attempted, withdrawn November 2010 - December 2011
~~ Open Embryo Adoption
.....attempted Nov 2011 & April 2012, no take-home baby

Thanks to anonymous embryo donation, we are finally a family of three!

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Old 07-22-2010, 10:49 AM
usone123 usone123 is offline
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This is an old topic but i just found it so I figured I'd comment

I'm white, DH is black. I'm the first white woman anyone in DH's very larghe family has married, although another one came soon afterwards. They had no issues although they were quite surprised. My family wasn't concerned in the least.

We don't really have any problems related to race except occasionally DH gets upset when things come on TV like on the history channel or movies about the past before the civil rights movement - I love movies like the long walk home and the power of one and stuff like that. He hates them because it makes him angry. He just leaves the room while I watch.

My daughter is 4 and she really has no idea and doens't care - she just knows that she is brown and daddy is brown and mama is kinda pink and she is a micture of both of us .

A little asian girl once asked me - why am I pink and my daughter is brown ? lol. It was cute, very innocent. I told her that her daddy is black and I am white, so together our child is brown. she nodded and understood .

Gotta love simple logic
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Old 09-25-2010, 08:40 PM
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theLBs theLBs is offline
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Interracial Marriage

My husband is black and I'm white. . .we're both from small Southern towns, and we expected to face some challenges from extended family or others in the community. However so far we've had lots of support and acceptance. I think one of the biggest challenges comes more often when we're apart than when we're together--people making insensitive or racist remarks to one of us not knowing we're in an interracial relationship--we've both had this experience. Even those who are open to our relationship are still sometimes surprised by it. I guess it's just human nature that people, when they hear you speak of your husband or wife, just assume they look somewhat like you. I had a new co-worker recently tell me, when she realized my husband is black, that she'd seen us at a dinner, but she assumed I was married to the white man sitting on the other side of me.

We live in a diverse, college town and have a diverse group of close friends. One of our blessings is that we are very open to different cultures, beliefs, and traditions--and people realize that as soon as they see us. We're trying to adopt, and we're open to any race. Our child will be raised in a home that already brings together different cultures and skin tones, and hopefully our experiences will help us to be more sensitive to our child's needs.
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