[LEJ8]

I'm wondering if it is considered "wrong" to change an older child's first name upon adoption. I am looking into adopting a 6-9 year-old and some of the names of the children are strange and one even has a negative connotation in the USA. Is this the wrong thing to do?

[Max'smom]

You should let your children have a part in deciding. Some older kids are attached to their name, others want to have a new American name. Many adoptive parents keep the original names, either as first or as middle names. But if a name change is necessary, you can do it so that there is some continuity, e.g. changing to an American name that shares a common root.

[momraine]

I left my kids names, but they were names I could stand. If they had names I could not handle I might have tried to change them. But I also would have asked the kids. I do have one friend who changed her kids names, but one kid would not change. So his legal name is a new American name, but he only answers to his old name so they had to give up and call him the old name. Luckily they had kept it as his middle name so it's not such a problem. Her other kids were younger and handled the name change well. Many people who change thier names, in order to help them get used to it will call them by both for a while and then eventually drop the old name. I don't know that there is a right or wrong. I have heard that some kids like having new American names, both of mine are proud to have thier original names. My daghter was only ten months when adopted, but she is nine now and is glad she got to keep her name. My son we asked, he was fine with a new middle name (he got his new dads first name as a middle name) but he really wanted to keep his first name. As strange as it sounds he had some good memories of his orphange and did not want to forget everything. He wanted to have those memories and some of that identity. However, other children want to forget and start new. I do think it's harder with older kids. I have heard several parents that will choose two or three new names and let the child choose.

[sakelley]

Our oldest daughter was 34 months at adoption and our youngest was 4 years 4 months at adoption. After much thought, we did legally change both their names. Part of our oldest's Chinese name in English is slang for a male body part and the other part is slang for sex. Our youngest daughter's Chinese name can easily be misprounounced as a swear word. Now, they both have part of their Chinese names in their new names - the oldest's has a very popular first name but spelled differently to incorporate part of her Chinese name and our youngest has part of hers as her middle name. We also continue to use their Chinese nicknames as their nicknames now.

[Karen in MT]

We are adopting a 6 1/2 yr old. She will have an American first name and her Chinese first name will become her middle name. We will let her choose though. We plan to call her by both if she allows us to. I work with many adopted children. I have seen them choose to use either name at various stages in their childhood. -Karen

[pjacademy]

We kept her Indian name as her middle name She has an American name as a first name. She was 3 1/2 @ home coming.

We are hoping to adopt a boy who is 5 right now we plan on doing the same thing......but if he wanted to be called his Indian name we would just call him by his middle name!

[Bunnygirl]

We adopted a one year old and changed his first name, keeping his original first name as his middle name. If he had been older though I think we would have talked to him about it first. As it is we often call him by both names.

[denise marie]

Our Daughter was 7 yrs old when she came home.We had planned on keeping her name but she didnt want to.We let her pick her new first name and kept her given name as a middle name.I left this to her as she was older and wanted to make the choice herself.She tells me all the time she has a pretty name and she loves it.
Denise

[kretzklan]

Our children were 6 and 7 at time of adoption (from Russia) and we changed their whole names. They both love having their new names and in some ways it has helped us work through feelings from their past. They refer to themselves as their Russian name when talking about sad/bad stuff. They have also told me that the way we say their Russian names doesn't sound like it was in Russia - so even keeping a name the same, may be a change for the child.