[DaniJ]

We are tying to adopt a 2-3 year old Russian boy. Going through this process I am coming to understand that all toddlers are considered "special needs". Anyone out there adopt a toddler, and what if any were their special needs? (Yes,we read the book "Toddler adoption".... won't go into MHO of the book) Just looking for real-life issues that I may need to be prepared for or anticipate.
Thanks!

[lucyjoy]

The part of the brain that learns to trust that sets up the ability to normally learn cause and effect is developed during the first 3 years of life. A child cries, mom feeds, changes, holds, takes to the doctor-cares for the child. The child learns to trust mom and mom learns to recognize certain cries. The child and mom bond.

A child in an orphanage may be malnourished, will learn that his cries often go unanswered, may not get the needed stimulation for eye tracking and movement.

A toddlers special needs will include parenting that facilitates bonding, reparenting as if an infant to retrain the brain and possible sensory integration therapies.

[sak9645]

... is not something you can predict.

Some toddlers are very resilient, and come to their adoptive homes ready to attach and move through the normal stages of development. Others may go through periods of grief, anger, rejection, and so on that may be short or extended. Still others may have long term problems with attachment. Some children have minimal delays that are quickly overcome. Others will struggle for years, with issues such as speech problems, auditory processing problems, sensory integration problems, and so on.

A lot depends on the child's experience prior to adoption. The child who has been abused or severely neglected by his/her birthparents or caregivers is likely to have more problems with attachment than one who was loved, but placed by a young widower whose wife has died giving birth to their second child. The child who was in an orphanage with limited staffing, who got nothing in the way of affection or intellectual stimulation and was left in a crib for hours on end is likely to have more problems with attachment than one who was in an orphanage that was very poor, but that had a few caring staffers who tried their best to nurture the children.

And a lot depends on the child's own constitution. Some children are simply more resilient than others. Also, some children come to adoption with medical issues that may make them more likely to have problems, such as fetal alcohol syndrome or effect.

You are wise to read up on toddler adoption. There are risks, and you do need to be prepared.

However, you have to understand that the vast majority of kids WILL DO WELL in their new families. They may take a period of days, weeks, or even months to adjust fully, but they will adjust.

Even if your child has some attachment issues, it doesn't necessarily follow that he/she will turn out to be one of those children you hear about on sensationalist TV shows -- you know, the ones who throw the cat out the window or set fires or molest their siblings. The incidence of such severe problems is very low.

It is important to get as much information as possible on the child who is referred to you, to try and make an informed judgment about whether or not you will be able to parent him/her. Adoption medicine specialists can be of tremendous help in reviewing medical reports and videos. Besides noting physical problems, they can sometimes tell if a child is showing emotions appropriate to the situation, interacting with people normally, and so on.

Sharon

[suburbanmomgw]

We adopted a toddler. At the time we took him out of the orphanage he was almost 20 mths old. He had spent his entire life in the orphanage--except his first month, which was in the hospital. He was ill alot as an infant and even when we visited and ultimately brought him home. He has Sensory Integration Dysfunction and is receiving speech therapy. He has been home now 4 mths and overall is very happy. He is a different child now, than we saw in the orphanage. I agree with others that to prepare for all posibilities is wise. Knowledge is power. Reading on post-institutionalized behaviors and talking to many parents is smart. There are so many children who need a family. Don't let "negative" info. turn you away!

[DaniJ]

Thank you all for your input! Don't worry, I am not one to let a challenge scare me off! And, I do believe in being prepared and educated! Any references on reading material that you thought were particularly helpful? I have heard before about the "reparenting" (I think I read it in another post you sent me, Lucyjoy!) and am wondering where I can find concise, reliable information about it as well as about my assisting his attachment. As with most people, I am a busy woman and don't have time to weed through books that are off-the-wall or all theory with no applicaiton. (I will be taking 4-8 weeks off work when he comes home to dedicate to this in particular, but I dont' have any idea what I'll be doing)

[noelone]

We have successfully adopted on child and are in the process of adopting a second. Both are special needs--both are from orphanages where they were living since an early age--1 was 9 moths old when he went to the orphanage, the other was abandoned at @ age 1 1/2-2--the first was 4 1/2 when we got him, the second is 8. Both are very loving and I would take 10 more like them. EACH child is different--and NO child (or human) is perfect. The 4 1/2 yr old is now almost 10--we just got hen 8 yr old in Nov. Our oldest had a SEVERE head injury as an infant and had a large blood clot on his brain--he was paralyzed on his right side--but he is doing great today--he is handsome, smart, and a real joy. The newest one had a heart defect--it was recently repaired--he is also handsome, smart and a joy. As a Registered Nurse with 28 yrs of experience--alot of that working with kids and in neonatal intensive care units--I knew the worst possibilities. But after being a FOSTER parent in the State systems--mostly getting 14 yr old girls---ANYTHING had to be better! Both of our sons came to us out of the blue and everything fell into place. Trust your heart. At least with an older child you KNOW what you are getting--this is not always true with a baby. There are alot of 'older" kids out there that are wanting a mom and dad so bad--they will shower you with love. Hope this helps.

[manon]

Originally posted by DaniJ
Any references on reading material that you thought were particularly helpful? I have heard before about the "reparenting" (I think I read it in another post you sent me, Lucyjoy!) and am wondering where I can find concise, reliable information about it as well as about my assisting his attachment. As with most people, I am a busy woman and don't have time to weed through books that are off-the-wall or all theory with no applicaiton

I'd recommend "Building the Bonds of Attachment" by Daniel Hughes. I found it helpful even though my little girl had just turned 2 yrs old when I adopted her in August (the book talks about a 7 yr old).

[Annabell]

Hi - our Russian daughter was 2 years 3 months. Initial issues: shigella, hookworms, pinworms (all easily fixed); anemia (took iron); malnutrition (tall & only 20 lbs.); "severe" gross motor delay (resolved in 1 year - now at 9 she's a VERY talented ballerina); and tactile defensiveness (unused to touch - home therapy worked like a charm). Now she's gorgeous and happy and bright and funny and HEALTHY. Wish you the best! We're SOOOO lucky!