[Claudia Murphy]

After we told a collegue of ours we were in the process of adopting a child from Russia he quickly sent us what I found t be the most disturbing article from The Associated Press by Deborah Hastings dated Friday, Feb., 9th 2001 Page V. The article spoke about the degree of phsycological disturbance found among these children (the youngest one in the article was 2).. she described the orphanages as "a warehouse of Children" Children who have been sexually abused since the age of 5. Behavioral problems so severe that children had to be institutionalized only after spending a handful of months with their adopted parents. The children which are adopted cannot sleep, many parents become "afraid for themselves and their other children" they are violent. There was an agency mentioned in the article, but the agency's Director declined to comment. While we are trying to be as realistic about the probable developmental delays which our child most likely will have, I cannot help to feel hopeful that our prayers will be answered and we will have a growing family very soon. I am looking for anyone: professional, parent, doctor, not to paint a rosy picture since I can do that for myself, but to give me some realistict insight into what we can expect, that maybe things Ms Hastings wrote in her article 2 years ago things are not so grim and may now have improved and that maybe this article is not representative of what we will encounter once we arrive in Russia.
Thanks to all who respond,
Claudia

[SomeBunniesMom]

Claudia,
For every "horror" story there are many stories with very happy endings. It is wise to go forward with open eyes and be prepared for all the possibilities, but being prepared doesn't mean that you will encounter the worst. If you are working with a good agency they should be able to answer all your questions on these matters. Do your research so that you know as much as possible about the child, and the child's history and living conditions. Obviously it is not possible to know everything, mostly you will have to rely on your instincts. If it doesn't feel good, seriously consider passing the situation by and waiting for another. And in the meantime, please, please talk to families that have adopted children from the same area that you are considering. And try to collect positive stories along the way to help balance any fears generated by the horror stories you are bound to hear more about.

[Anita]

Claudia -

There are many sad stories of orphanages, and you will hear all about them because this is the path your family has chosen.

You have to believe in your agency, and definately expose yourself to families who have already adopted from Russia.

I have found researching adoption to be one of the most depressing things in the world. The books I have read only focus on the negatives. The speaker/adoption doctor we saw was the same way.

If adoption is your path, you have to have a lot of faith. You have to believe that your child/children are being taken care of in the best way possible considering the circumstances.

Is your child going to have issues, according to all the books I've read MOST DEFINATELY. But, in spending time with people who have adopted or are adopted, there is usually different picture to be painted.

I do believe you need to have your eyes open to all possiblities, don't get me wrong. But, even birth children have problems. In my closest circle of friends there are children with ADD, MS, Diabetes, Cancer, Asthma, and Autism.

Having a family requires a great deal of hope, faith, love, and LOTS of strength. It is scary not to be in control of the first months or years of your child's life. BUT, there are so many children out there who need loving parents, and I do believe that most are resiliant and healthy.

I don't think so many families would choose this way to start their family if they didn't believe there is a child out there for them.

Will your child have issues? It's a gamble no matter how you start your family.

Good luck to you.

[reneetaylor]

Claudia - I adopted my daughter from Russia when she was 12 months old. She is now almost 6 yrs old and is the most precious gift I have in my life. She is very active and I'm pretty sure that she has ADD, but I catch myself from saying that that is a result of poor prenatal care, or her 12 months spent in an orphanage, or her lack of proper nutrition and vitamins when she was a baby. Children develop the way God has planned for them. My daughter's boundless energy and quick mind are sure to benefit her one day, and I'd rather have her this way then zoning out in front of a TV or video game. She is beautiful, vivacious, charming, and has a heart of gold. I would hate to think that I ever let my fear of the unknown keep me from the happiness I've received since becoming her mother.

The reality of the orpahange system over there is very sad, and it definitely makes you want to stay away from the older kids and adopt as young as possible, but you have to follow your heart as well as your head. You have to keep an open mind about the possiblity of delays, but do not go in to it thinking that ALL the children are going to turn out badly just because they were raised or spent time in an orphanage. It is a fact that there are higher instances of alcohol abuse, which can cause many problems with the babies, but there are also many mothers who take care of themselves and place thier children up for adoption simply because they cannot afford to care for them. When you see the kids, you can tell if something is wrong with them, and while it may sound cruel, you must make a decision to turn down a referral that doesn't make you feel 100% comfortable.

The horror stories will always be around, but there are also a ton of happy stories and healthy kids that come out of an orphanage setting. Remember that kids are extremely resiliant and unless they have a severe medical problem, then most developmental delays can be overcome with time.

Good luck on your adoption journey and on finding your child.

Renee

[lucyjoy]

Orphanages can have devastating affects on children. However, with proper parenting that facilitates bonding, many of these affects can be reversed. I have two Romanian born children, one spent 31/2 years in an orphange, the other 51/2. Both were adopted by other people who felt they were to tramatized to parent. I took the younger child at almost five and the oldest at 10. It took less then 6 months for each kid to bond. They are both now healthy, happy, children. Educate yourself on bonding type parenting and then if a problem does occur, you'll know how to handle it.

[Claudia Murphy]

To all who responded;
Thank you Thank you Thank you... I feel better, not because I know more or the process is more certain, but because people care enough to reply and give one another strength.
Claudia