[Serick]

I am a single man, foster parent, seeking to adopt an older international child. However, I've spoken to several agencies and they all advocate for their own countries and tell me all the bad things about other countries. The latest, which concerns me, is that older children, over 3, from foreign countries often have an attachement disorder. They want me to adopt a child 3 or under to avoid this. I really would like a child 7-9 years old. Is this true, that older internationally adopted children often have attachment disorders? Thank you.

Serick

[lied2]

I've been told the same thing as well because these children do not have someone to emotinally bond with (caretaker) and therefore this disorder is the result.

[lied2]

I would also advise you to stay in touch with an adoption agency in your state. You can read my horror story that I've posted in the Sierra Leone section. I would also think clearly and look at facts.

1. If possible, work with an agency in your state. Do not work with someone that you've met on the internet such as my case.

2. When working with an agency, I would suggest to get names of real people, if possible, go to their home and meet with these families and watch, observe their interaction with each other.

[Serick]

Amy

Thank you. You have made adopting the older child seem a possiblity again. I am also seeking out support groups to attend.

I haven't chosen an agency yet, but I am leaning toward Bethany Christian Services. They seem to be the most professional and seem single friendly in my state of Michigan.

Some countries do not adopt to single males and these seem to change depending on who you talk to. However, I am most interested in Columbia, Russia and Romania. I know Romania is closed right now, but by the time I get through this lengthly process, perhaps they will be open.

Serick

[lucyjoy]

Learn all you can about the structure of attachment parenting and locate a good attachment therapist is your area. If you start out with the right skills, even if the child has attachment disorder, his healing wil be quicker. Attachment disorder does not have to be a life sentence. Many children with the right therapy and parenting techniques can heal and lead happy successful lives.

[denise marie]

Hello.
I have adopted a 7 year old internationally.We have not had the attachment problem she has bonded well with all of us and has been a true angel.We are in the process of adopting a 3 year old boy now and we are ware of attachements problems with him due to he is blind.We are prepared for it.Our 7 yeear old tels us everyday i love america i love my house and family.Follow your heart get educated on how to deal with an older child adoption.I love to hear when parents chose to adopt older children.They need a home security and lots of love as well as infants.God Bless.

[mom3times]

I'm sorry I can't give you first hand advise but I know of a couple of families that have adoted older children from the Philippines.
Both children were over the age of 3 and both bonded pretty quickly with the adoptive parents.
I've heard good things about a lot of the institutions in the Philippines preparing older children for the transition to a forever family. If we were in the monitary situation to adopt again I think we'd look into an older child from the Philippines. One of our children is from there but was adopted as a baby. Good Luck

[janeliz]

Especially as a single parent, you might think ahead on what your options are to take some time off of work. This child, coming from a different culture, will need time, possibly full time, with you for weeks or months. Think about this! Do you have a good support network of family and friends close by to help you out here? I'm not sure I'd chance this as a loner. I have two adopted girls, the older one (almost 6) has attachment disorder and she most definitely stretches the coping abilities of two parents.

I do not mean this to be discouraging - just some food for thought. I'd also suggest reading 20 Things Adopted Kids want their Adoptive Parents to Know by Sheri Elliott. It will open your mind to what the adopted child might feel like and how you might best respond. Since you are adopting an older child these thoughts and feelings and words will be there right away, not like an infant. You will also need to be ready to do "baby" things like lots of holding, maybe feeding, etc., to build trust and closeness and love.