[CaliforniaJenn]

This may be a bit premature, but my husband and I are considering adopting our next child. We (26 and 29) and have a biological daughter who is just 4 months old, and I have some questions about our situation.

One of the reasons we are considering adoption is because we would like to provide a good home and family for a child that might not otherwise have one. To be honest, I do not think we are up to the task of specifically adopting a special-needs or older child, but we are confident we are up to the challenge of adopting a child of a different race from ourselves, and loving him or her just as much as we love our biological daughter. Another reason we are considering adoption is because I had a very rough time with childbirth, and if there are children out there that are in need of parents, I see no reason to possibly go through that again when I am confident that I could love an adopted child equally.

We hear about how there are huge waiting lists for the adoption of healthy infants in this country, so adopting in this country seems to defeat the purpose. I worry about whether it is "selfish" to adopt when we are perfectly fertile when there are so many infertile couples pining away for a child. I would *think* there are a greater abundance of healthy infants in other countries, but honestly I have yet to see any statistics supporting this. Does anyone know this information?

I am also curious to hear from anyone who has both adopted and biological children, and how that affects sibling relationships. While my husband and I are confident we could love and welcome an adopted child equally, what about our daughter? Will she react to having a brother or sister that looks different from her? What about the adopted child? Will he/she ever develop resentment that for the biological child? I havn't read anything about these family dynamics, and I think they are important questions. One of the reasons I am looking into this so soon, is because if we decide to do it, we'd like our daughter to still be young when we do it, as it is my theory anyways that some of these dynamics will be less dramatic if the adopted child is introduced into the family while she is very young.

[Sharona H]

Hi Jenn,
I think it's great that you're considering adoption. Our circumstances are different, but similar. Like you... if we're willing to put up with some risks/expenses we could very likely have biological children (although we have some known limitations on our fertility our specialist really feels that either patience or a little medical intervention would change that).

However, given the chance to contemplate how to build our family . . . we're choosing adoption also (sadly, I probably wouldn't have even thought to look into adoption if we easily fell pregnant and had uncomplicated pregnancies).

Like you . . . getting in line to adopt a healthy white infant wouldn't serve our purpose (we'd be taking that chance from a truly infertile couple and for the extra risks/struggles that adoption takes... we could pursue infertility treatment and probably have better luck reaching our goal of having children).

Once stopping and thinking about all the wonderful little souls born in this world without a family to care for them . . . we really want to give a home to a child who needs one (and healthy white infants will have no trouble finding this).

However, we're not experts in special needs and we do have the desire to raise children from a young age on . . . so state or foster to adopt didn't seem like our answer either (in our state the wait for a child under age 6 is over two years).

Two alternatives seemed to fit our needs of parenting most of our child's lifetime and giving a home to a child in need . . . U.S. infant adoption of non-caucasion kids or international adoption.

The next thing we looked at was ourselves. I think we could do well with a transracial family and I also think we're up to dealing with orphanage delays and extra work on attachment and bonding . . . so both alternatives still looked good. Next we started to look at our community and how our community would treat our children and our children would feel in our community. We live in a rural midwest area that is 99.9% white. I would not say people are racist here (well of course some are, but proportionately I think it's a population of good people)... however, I do think our non-caucasian children would feel different here and although maybe not always intentional I think people would say stupid things to our children, and some would treat them poorly.

So . . . we looked at international adoption from Eastern Europe as a way to have a family with your children, give a child a better life, and still avoid some of the racial struggles they we just aren't up dealing with (maybe with our next adoption when we realize we're pretty good at this parenting thing ; )

Russia meets our needs of relatively young children (probably under 12 months, possibly as young as 6 months), a child that will not stand out to the other school children or their parents, a child to love, raise and adore with the added plus of a beautiful culture to learn about and help our child be proud of.

Where Russia might not work for you . . . is if you really want to have your child from the newborn stage, or are not up to the risks of post-institutionalized children. A lot of research on this and on transracial adoption helped us to determine which issues we felt we could be prepared for.

Because we could possibly also be blessed with a biological child in the future, we've also thought about the bio/adopted sibling relationship. You occasionally here a horror story, but in talking to families with similar relationships and adult adoptees, it usually goes well. Your biological child would follow your example of unconditional love (with some normal sibling rivalry thrown in of course) and I'm sure would have no issue with a transracial adoption. Also, when "adoption" is what a family knows . . . I think kids feel it is a normal, wonderful way to build a family. I would hope she wouldn't start being fed foolish comments from schoolmates or adults until she is quite a bit older and very confident in her family relationship.

Sorry for going on and on . . . I rarely feel I have an interested party for this discussion, so when I get a chance, I start rambling.

Good luck in your family planning. I'll bet life with your little angel is wonderful . . . how beautiful it will be when your family is even bigger.

Sharon

[becky]

Sharon and Jenn,

I have had the opportunity to bring an adopted child into my family of four biological children. It has been absolutely wonderful. There has been no more or less 'sibling rivalry' than when my children were born biologically. My kids love their little sister, just as they love one another. How she came to be in our family does not seem to be an issue. Will she have issues of loss and grief as she grows older? Possibly...and we are prepared to deal with those when they occur. But for now, all I can say is that I highly recommend international adoption.

As for the need for homes...it may not be as great as you think, especially for babies. You most likely will find there is a wait for a referral. But it is certainly nothing compared to the wait for a healthy white newborn that you find in the US. We adopted from Guatemala. We waited about 3 months for a referral. Our daughter was 4.5 months old when she came home. Does she look different from us? A little bit. All of my kids have brown hair and eyes...as does Isabella. She pretty much fits in with our family...and I don't think that most people question about whether she is adopted. If they do, they usually ask. It's never a big deal. We are proud of the country of our daugther's birth.

I know of others who have questioned whether they should take a baby from a couple unable to have children of their own. My feeling is that if everyone who currently adopts, who already has children, or is able to have biological child, if we all stopped and did not adopt...then I think there would be lots of children who end up without a home. That would be very very sad.

If you want to adopt...go for it. There are loads of little children who need homes. It is a fantastic way to bring a child into your family.

Becky
mom to 5
including Isabella Grace
born in Guatemala City 3/6
Home to Atlanta 7/20

[hopeful_mom]

I can relate in that my husband and I are both in our 20's as well and some people seem to think that we should not be adopting (not that we care). We are infertile and it is very unlikely that we will conceive without some treatment/intervention. However, for personal reasons, we do not want to get started down that road. The prevailing attitude is something like, "You're young, give it time," and "There are so many things doctors can do now." When we say we want to adopt, people just don't understand.

But we really want to provide a loving home for a child who would otherwise not have one. And that is where we run into the question you are asking--how do we find a child that does not have a long list of people waiting to adopt him or her? You say you do not feel older or special needs would be a good match for your family, so, from what I understand (but I'm no expert), transracial adoption would probably be a good answer for you. I don't know if you will necessarily find a child who would otherwise not have a forever family, but I think if it wasn't for families like your's, they wouldn't.

[Bcelli]

Jenn - if you and your husband do decide to adopt - and I think Sharon provided a wonderful example of how to process what's right for your famiily - the child you find will be meant for your family. There are millions of children in this world who need famililes. The adoption situation is the U.S. is unique to this country. Throughout the world, children wait everyday for someone to love them and be their family. So you wouldn't be depriving anyone of a child because that child would be meant for you. Good luck and God's blessings. And congrats on your daughter.

[CaliforniaJenn]

Actually, the more I have thought about it, the more adopting and older child sounds like something we might pursue. If we did adopt an older child, it would be far in the future however, like 10 years down the road, at least the way I am thinking of it right now. I do not feel I have the energy to deal with the issues of raising an infant/toddler *and* dealing with a post-institutionalized older child at the same time.

Actually as much as I adore my baby, I am not really attached to the whole infancy thing like a lot of women are. I have always liked older children more - the only reason I felt more strongly about adopting an infant is because I worried about the issues involved with an older child, about them not being in synch with us, although the more I have learned about adoption it sounds like we would have some opportunities to find the right child for us.

Adopting an older child is not something I can decide about right now. Like I said, it's not something I feel I have the energy to do while I have a baby at the same time, so the choice to do so would largely depend on the kind of person my daughter turns out to be, because even though ultimately adoption is a decision that needs to be made by my husband and I, as she grows whe will become more and more an active part of the family 'team'. When I think of adopting an older child, I think of the child being adopted by our whole family, as opposed to a baby (whether biological or adopted), that grows into a family. If my daughter were the kind of child that would for example show intense resentment for a new child in the family, I question whether that would be fair to the adopted older child (whereas with a baby, by the time they were old enough to be aware of any resentment presumably the older sibling would have already adjusted).

Of course, I am sure there is some level of sibling rivalry or family dynamic adjustmen no matter what, but adopting an older child is something I imagine us doing when our daughter is older if she ends up being a compassionate people-person who is as enthusiastic about the prospect of adopting a sister or brother as we would be about adopting a son or daughter.

[gkasche]

I am MOM to two biological sons who are now ages 16 and 13. When our youngest son was about age 5...we started talking about adoption. Not because we couldn't have more children on our own...but we felt that we had two children who would replace us biologically when we die...any other child in the home should be one who needs one. We thought we would have great luck in the United States because we weren't looking for a baby and would take any race. We didn't know that in PA we would meet with such racism from the Social Workers. We are caucasian and they would not place a child of color into our home. We heard every excuse there was. After three years...we decided to adopt internationally. The person who said not to mix biological and adopted children together into the same family needs to rethink that a bit. We adopted our daughter who was age 19 months old at the time our youngest bio son was 7. It was as if she had been born into this family. There is absolutely no difference in the bonding. If fact it worked so well...we adopted a second daughter two years later. She came home at age 18 months. Currently...we have guardianship of our third daughter (yes our fifth child) who will be coming home in about four weeks. She is currently 18 months old. As for special needs...please don't dismiss this part of adoption. Especially internationally....This could literally mean a birth mark which is very minimal to abnormal limbs...and anything and everything in between. You may be surprised how much you actually would consider in the field of special needs if you were offered it. All three of our daughters came home as toddlers not babies. It was wonderful not to deal with the little baby stage. I had already done that. They were all three considered special needs. Daughter #1...failure to thrive. Daughter #2...born with her right hip dislocated...repaired and now perfectly normal as well....Daughter #3...Atrial Septal Defect...Primary Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn...and Seizures. Her heart condition closed on its own...which didn't allow for any problems in her lungs...she had a total of 4 seizures when she was very young and was taken off seizure medication this week because she hasn't had one for nearly a year. She will be checked out here to be sure...but we now are getting another "special needs" toddler who will come home perfectly fine. If you are open to older child adoption/toddler adoption...check into India. The children are very well cared for. Another country is Korea. Again many waiting special needs babies and toddlers...very well cared for. When we first started our adoption adventure...we were looking at race being considered the only special need we would consider. Here we are 5 years later and finding ourselves only open to special needs. I would say that 90% of children coming in from International places and considered special needs...have something that is surgically correctable, or are merely a waiting child who is no longer a "baby". The fees for these children are also lower and they are the waiting little souls who need homes pronto. So for you and anyone else reading this thread...don't shut out the idea of special needs...or international adoption. Go into adoption with your eyes wide OPEN. My girls were all from Podanur India...in an "institution" setting...orphanage...received wonderful care and much TLC. They did NOT come with any type of bonding issues...They bonded easily because they had no reason NOT to trust adults. Now I am rambling...I hope I made sense. I would not feel wrong either to persue adoption when you can have your own child. God decides which child comes into your family. So you know it will be right what ever you decide...follow your heart. I wish you well...Karen in PA

[lisa in venice]

Long before my dh and Discovered that we we IF we had planned to adopt after "making" a couple of kids. We felt that with so many chidlren in need of homes it didn't make sense for use to keep making more chidlren when we would be just as hppy raisning adopted children.

IF however changed our time line. We adopted 2x (domestically) and then pursued fertility treatment. Ultimately it did not work so we adopted again. One of theings we learned in our adoption experience is that while there can be long waits for the mre sought after chidlren, healthy children with even one AA grandparent are hard for agencies to place. So if you are open to ethnicity and sex (there are more boys than girls placed) you are not preventing anyone from adopting by taking one of these chidlren. The sad fact is that a healthy newborn full AA male child has ony a 25% chance of being adopted at birth. The problem is so great that agencies and attorneys regularly reduce their fees (sometimes below their cost) to entice families to adopt these babies.

International adoption is a great way to build your family especially if you have a strong attaction to a particular country or culture. If however you are looking for children who need homes they are right here in your backyard as well as overseas. None of my adoptions took more than 10 months from initial agency contact the total we sent for all three was $10k.

lisa

[CaliforniaJenn]

That is really interesting about the special needs children. You're right, I always considered "special needs" things like down's syndrome, etc. It's one thing when you have that kind of thing delivered to you in a biological child, it's another to willingly choose it you know? (Although God bless anyone who has the mettle to adopt a child with those kinds of special issues).

The thing that initially opened myself up to adopting an older child, was a letter I read written by a little boy that said something like, "I wish I could shrink myself so that people would want to be my parents. Why do people think I will be bad and not listen? I would obey my parents and be good." I just wanted to cry. When I read the letter to my husband, I was surprised at how much it affected him, too! He said "Stop reading that stuff or we're going to end up with another child before we've even adjusted to having *this* one!"

I really love hearing your stories about how your blended families have worked out so well.

Lisa, that is shocking, the statistic about African-American boys. Where is that statistic from? I'd be very interested in seeing adoption statistics. Is the statistic even close to that for AA girls? That is very interesting, especially if it's true what was said about overall that boys are more often requested than girls. Kind of makes you think, huh?

And Lisa and Karen both, I can appreciate where you were coming from in adopting after having two biological children. That is part of my thinking as well, although I usually hesitate to say anything about overpopulation because I think loving and dedicated parents who choose to have several biological children do a great service as well. You both sound like two very special women with very special families, and your experiences are very interesting to me. Karen, when you brought home your toddlers from India, how did the language/culture development go? It's not really a factor for me in making the decision but I'm interested in hearing about how that went. I suppose at that age they were still young enough where there wasn't too much of a culture shock, but there must have been some?

I have only a single reservation about adopting outside my ethnicity - and that is my mother-in-law who is slightly racist. Not visciously so, but she is still racist. Before he met me, my husband was seriously dating a Chinese girl. It didn't work out, and at one point my mother-in-law said, "I'm so glad Michael married you - his last girlfriend was nice but I didn't like the idea of him marrying a Chinese girl." Eek! Ideally I would like to think that our WHOLE family would embrace an adopted child and treat him or her the same as they treat our biological daughter. My mother-in-law is really a good person, she just sometimes needs to be challenged, and I would like to think that if we adopted outside our race some of her ideas would melt away. (She expected her son to marry a Catholic, too, and when he didn't, though she was initially disappointed she has fully accepted me as a member of the family). I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who has adopted outside their race who has dealt with hurdles in the family, too. Other than that, we are in a very good position to adopt outside our ethnicity.. we live in a diverse area and are a part of a diverse religious community. My side of the family is also very diverse, and everyone is open to diverse family bonding and I have many family members on my side that are not biologically related to me or the same race (through step-parent relationships) I am only worried about my mother-in-law because who wants to give a kid a grandmother who might not accept them? She lives close and I would think it was especially unfair the way she dotes on our daughter. I suppose the only way would be once we are more serious about it, to confront her with the question directly.

Also agree that it must be nice not to deal with the infant phase. I guess some people love it, but like I said, as much as I love my little 4 month old and am having fun with her, babies have never been my favorite. What you said, Karen, about your experience with that institution in India is very encouraging. I guess that is my primary concern, that any older child I adopt have been the recipient of good care and love in infancy. My main reservation about adopting an older child was having to deal with a child who suffered issues of receiving near-neglect in infancy, as while those children probably need a family MORE I question whether I have the emotional resources to help a child like that heal.

[gkasche]

Lisa,
I posted right before you on this thread. I am so happy to know that you adopted domestically. Were your children AA? Are you caucasian? We were dealt such hardship in the United States over this. It wasn't that we didn't want an AA child...we absolutely were open to any race...we just couldn't get any Social workers to allow us to be considered. I wrote to all 67 county agencies in PA...I heard back from only four. Even though I told them that we were homestudy ready and sent a photo of us...they all four said the same thing...We have no children available. That was a crock because I knew that there were AA children in the foster care system in PA...they just didn't want them in a caucasian home. This was from 1993-1996. That was when we went internationally. What state are you from? We would love to adopt a 6th child once Maya is home from India and settled...and we definately want to try domestic adoption again. My feelings are this...now that we ARE a transracial family and are a family who has already successfully adopted three times...we WILL be considered for a child of color here in the United States. I am very aware that they are the waiting children...it is not the want...it is the system. International adoption can also be very inexpensive. Cost for us was definately an issue and I had to find an agency that we could afford. I am anxious to know if you went through an attorney or an agency. We went international because I found an agency that was ver inexpensive. We adopted three times from India for less than one domestic adoption here. I can't say that I am open to finding a birth mom and going that route. I have read on the message boards many couples who have been scammed. But...We would love to adopt an AA or mixed race male baby in the future. Any advice as to who to contact??? Thanks for your time. Karen in PA

[gkasche]

This is Karen again...to CaliforniaJenn...to answer some of your questions...our girls did not have really any issues when them came concerning adjusting to culture/language..etc. English was understood very quickly and hand gestures work well with a toddler to get them to understand what you are talking about. As far as the development...our physician could not believe that our first daughter had been in an orphanage for the first 19 months of her life...he was very impressed as to her health and development. The girls are very smart and adjusted quickly. I make this in part due to the fact that they were born into a Hindu society which absolutely forbids drugs and alcohol. They were born clean and fed very good and healthy food from day one. My Mother-In-Law even though I wouldn't consider her a racist at all...had great reservations with adoption in general. Sejona came home 4 days before Christmas...on Christmas Eve...my Mother-in-law whispered to me how concerned and frightened she had been the whole time we waited for Sejona to come home. She was very concerned that she would not feel any bonding toward her because she was not genetically ours. I asked her then how she felt now that Sejona was here. She told me that the moment we stopped by the house on the way home from the airport and we pulled her hood back from her snow suit for Grandma and Grandpa to get a peak...she fell instantly in love with her. I traveled to India in Nov. 2000 to get our second daughter. I found the orphanage to be a very happy place. Clean and cheery. The caretakers were very kind to the babies and to me. My girls only knew this love and they sure showed it when they came here. I believe that the first year of the baby is so important. The nurture is needed for the child to bond easier later in life. I would highly recommend you reading ACRES OF HOPE by Patty Anglin. She has adopted several times both from foster care and international. She always persued children who were "waiting". One thing she said in her book that struck me as so true..."For every year of hurt a child goes through...it takes three years of love to undo the damage." She is a very good advocate for the children who have not come from the perfect environment and how it does work out to adopt them. My advice is to educate yourself. Gradually it will become crystal clear as to the adoption route you will want to go. For everyone the path is different. No one is right and no one is wrong....but everyone is in it for the children which is the most important part. I wish you well...Karen

[lisa in venice]

First off I am AA and my dh CC so AA and Biracial children were what we were specifically looking for. Even with that we did experience bias coming from several SW. You see we were the wrong flavor of Biracial and therefore not "Black" enough. There are many SW who were influenced by that statement by the Assoc. of Black SW condeming transracial placement of AA children and it has set back SW several years. However one of the things I discovered is that for every familly there is an adoption professional who will work with you to find just the right child for you.

When we started our prcess the first time around we hit many road blocks and couldn't find and agency that would work with us. We were young (26) only married two years and as grad students we were PO(that is where you are so poor that you can't afford the last two letters). I was sure that we would have to sign up with an agency out of state. That is a great advantage to adopting in this country weather you choose to adopt domestically or internationally, you can choose professionals outside of you area or state if they "fit" your needs better. We found that adopting thru private agencies and independently worked better for us. That way we could choose the professionals we worked with and avoided SW with an agenda (beyond finding good homes for babies).

As for the 25% figure that came form Xena Oglesby the founder and executive director of the Institute for Black Parenting. He is amoung one of the first of many SW for a state agency who got fed up with the way they were not placing chidlren for adoption and founded his own private agency. There are now a network of such agencies around the country dedicated to placing chidlren of color. Many use federal grants to underwrite their costs so their adoptions are weither free or very inexpensive. That figure refers to chidlren whose birth parents wanted to make an adoption plan but could not find a family. in most cases thses kids end up being raised by birth family or adopted from fostercare. The problem I have is that with the current bureaucracy in the fostercare system most wait 2.9 years before they find a home. A good place to get info on chidlren of color in this country is PACT at www.pactadopt.org. theya re a non profit dedicated to adoption education and advocacy. They also facilitate adoptions by eeping a list of professionals who are looking to place special needs (chidlren of color can be spcial needs just by virtue of their color). I know four families who went thru them to adopt 6 chidren total. Two hispanic boys for one family, two Biracial boys for two other families and a set of full AA g/b twins for the other family (same sex couple BTW) none waited more than a couple of months but their fees varied because each was matched thru a diferent agency or attorney.

AA males are at the bottom of the adoption desireability index. First more birth moms of any color place boys compared to girls. Second more families of any color looking to adopt want girls. When you throw in the racial componant you see AA boys waiting to be adopted while other children have several families lined up for them. Girls tend not be as hard to place but my dd was offered to five families before the agency gave up, placed her in fostercare and searched other agencies for families. Here was a perfectly healthy beautiful Biracial baby whose only problem was not being CC. We got her at nearly three months but it literally took that long for the agency to find someone.

If the tiny infant stage is not appealing to you and foster-adopt is not available to you (or poorly run in you county which many programs are) I think international adopion is the fastest route to toddler adoption. Most children don't travel until they are over 6 months and in some countries babies over 12 months are considered special needs (reduced fees). Most internationally adopted chidlren are actually toddlers not infants. We looked at adopting in Colombia and Brazil and found that toddlers were not in as high a demand and therfore the costs were greatly reduced. I don't know about now but 4 years ago when dh and I inquired the adoption of a preschooler in Brazil was free of charge, we would just have to pay for travel and translation of documents. Adoption form state run orpahanges in Columbia were only slightly more expensive. Now again we were looking for chidlren with African heritage so I don't know if that affected the fees but I don't think other countries do that.

lisa

[jodie]

We have a biological son and adopted a baby girl. My son was 5 at the time and prayed all the time for a sister or brother. We were unable to have another of our own and decided to adopt from Russia. Just like you, I was concerned about the long waits for an infant in the U.S. Our adopted daugter was 4 months old when we flew to pick her up. Oh, it only took us 4 months from the agency application to bringing her home! Yes, that is very quick I know!!
Anyway, since then, it's been 4 years now, our son and daughter never even argued up until this year! My son is 10 and daughter is age 4. I knew the sibling rivalry would happen some time. No big deal, just little bickering. Besides that, they tell each other they love each other, give hugs, kisses. They are very close!
Oh, I wanted to comment on you saying you wonder about yourself feeling selfish because you are able to have a baby and are thinking about adopting instead. You are very UNSELFISH! That is a beautiful thing for you to do!!(wanting to adopt to help a child in need) The child that you adopt will be very lucky to have you as parents! God bless you!!!
Good Luck!www.JodiePeyton.com

[gkasche]

Thanks Rachel,
Descrimination was very much part of the problem with us before. It is ironic that they would not allow us as a caucasian family to adopt any child of color...be it AA or biracial because they said we lived in an all white community. But...my Indian daughters are darker in skin tone and internationally there was never an issue!! The so called "all white" community I live in accepted my daughters with no reservations and they are somewhat celebrities among their peers. Descrimination is still a problem in the Foster/Adopt area. My friend was trying to adopt two biracial children a year ago. They were "desperate" to find a family for them. She found out about their case and had wonderful conversations with the Social Worker. Their homestudy was approved and they were very open to the fact that even though the children were biracial...they were going to place them into this caucasian family. They loved the idea that my friend did not work outside the home etc. It was a "sure" thing...until this same caseworker came to their home and found out that they were W. Methodist. They do not own a TV. and live simply as to their faith. Everything was pulled at that second. They thought the children would be too sheltered and the caseworker just kept telling her..."if you just owned a TV." This was more important to the caseworker than the fact that my friend homeschools her children...there are three biological children in the home who were very intelligent...kind...and respectful...that the home was neat as a pin and clean. That the entire family were family centered and that they were kind and gentle parents. NOOOOO...the fact that they didn't believe in bringing outside influences into the house with TV...was the biggest issue. All of these children speak very clearly...are not shy...play the piano...and are very social. They were happy and extremely well adjusted. Now if that isn't descrimination against religion...I don't know what is. This same family is now happily adopting a two year old from Pune India. And then people on these messages boards form opinions about people who adopt internationally. Most of us who do have been through the process here and have no choice but to look elsewhere. If anyone can recommend a very good agency which seems to have a lot of AA children and are having trouble finding families to take them...I am VERY interested to get the information. Maybe after Maya is home from India...we will once again open ourselves up to domestic adoption. We were bitter for years over how we were treated before. I know that some states are better than others...I am open to any and all suggestions as to where to look. Thanks for letting me vent...Karen

[lisa in venice]

I don't remember the legislation exactly but there were two bills passed by congress one in the early "90's and two in the late '90's. The first outlaws discrimination in adoption placements based on race, the other two just strengthen those laws. However adoptive parents still face these hurtles and none so far have sued agencies who are still practicing this defacto discrimination in the placement of AA children. It is still very much out there but the good news is that for every agency that will not place AA chidlren transracially there are two that will. it is our job as parents to be to be good consumers and search out the professionals who best suit out needs.

lisa