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  #1  
Old 03-07-2012, 07:09 PM
mrshistory mrshistory is offline
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Want to Adopt, but Not Infertile

My husband and I always said even if we have 10 kids biologically, we want to adopt. It is something God has put in our hearts and we want to follow that passion. However, due to medical concerns, we decided not to have children biologically. I'm not infertile to my knowledge but due to a medical condition and medical device, a pregnancy/delivery would not be wise. Are there other couples out there who do not have fertility issues but are choosing to adopt? If you're comfortable, please share your situation. I feel like we might be a little weird in choosing to not have children biologically and going straight to adoption. Thanks!!
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  #2  
Old 03-07-2012, 08:18 PM
LoveBeingaMom LoveBeingaMom is offline
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I never thought I wanted kids. Thought it a total drag to be pregnant or strapped down by kids. Boy oh boy is the biological clock the REAL DEAL.

Ok, so when I hit 28 OVERNIGHT I became a baby/kid crazy wanna-be-momma. I didn't care if I had a baby biologically or adopted a baby up through 12 years old. I wanted kids in my house and it had to happen ASAP anyway we could make it happen!

Luckily for me my husband was right with me. We started the adoption process with the state department of human services AND trying for biological kids at the same time! It took a year (and a miscarriage) before we had our oldest placed with us. Turns out we didn't carry a biological child full term until we had a baby placed with us for adoption. Bio son born 6.5 months after our oldest was placed with us. We were totally open about our pregnancy when they called us but we also didn't know if it "would stick" after our other issues. We were SO happy to have two when we were beginning to think we'd have NONE.

So two years, NO contraception, and sad info from fertility doctor later we adopted our daughter domestically and became pregnant with a donated embryo from our fertility clinic (10% chance of a viable pregnancy were the odds given for that!).

Two years later we are working on our fifth child, an international special needs adoption. And this time, considering five years of no contraception AND no pregnancy, we are pretty sure there is no other bio child coming.

So, I don't think you are crazy. In fact, I think it is awesome! We all KNOW where our children will come from. It doesn't matter if you call it a gut feeling or a God feeling or whatever. If you know that adoption is right for you and that you WILL love this child(ren) as you would a biological child, it IS right for you. Just make sure your partner/husband/wife/etc is on board with that because if not, it will hurt the child.

Good luck to you in the process! There is an Orphan Crisis out there. So those who desperately want children and are fully open to adoption NEED to DO IT!
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  #3  
Old 03-08-2012, 03:50 PM
mrshistory mrshistory is offline
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Smile

Thank you!!
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  #4  
Old 03-08-2012, 04:19 PM
jmd5294 jmd5294 is offline
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We adopted before ever trying for a biological child. Got pregnant right away when we started trying, and then miscarried.
So, to my knowledge, we are not infertile. Adoption is just the way it happened to work out for us. Bio kids will either come or they won't come, but nobody thought we were weird for adopting first.
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  #5  
Old 03-08-2012, 09:43 PM
gracegirl gracegirl is offline
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I've known that I want to adopt since I was a kid and my husband is totally on board. With so many kids in the world needing homes, it just seems like the natural thing to do. We are in the process of adopting our first and may have a bio kid some day. We just knew for sure we wanted to adopt and decided to do that first.

People have been extremely supportive. Some assume that we're infertile and I've gotten comments like, "That's great that you can still be a mom!" Its just sad that some people think infertility is the only reason to consider adoption.

Congrats and good luck on your journey!
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  #6  
Old 03-09-2012, 09:03 AM
mrshistory mrshistory is offline
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Thank you for sharing your stories!!
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  #7  
Old 03-09-2012, 09:11 AM
mevertin mevertin is offline
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We have 3 bio kids and adopted 2 internationally. We did not have any infertility issues. I have met lots of families that have children that have come to the family in a variety of ways.
Mary
mom to Bobby 14, Bridget 13, Angela 11, Eddie 7 (home 2005) and Naldo 4 (home 2008)
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  #8  
Old 03-09-2012, 06:42 PM
LoveAdoption LoveAdoption is offline
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I know many people who do this. My family has 3 bio kids and 1 adopted (well, in the process). No fertility issues, just wanted a little girl without going through physically being pregnant.
A close family "thought" they could have children. Decided to adopt, got pregnant and adopted, got pregnant again. Now have three lovely kids ages 3,4&5.
It's not uncommon or weird to do that. Many people only adopt when they could easily have bio kids. You want a child, so why shouldn't you adopt? Who cares if you have fertility issues or not. Good luck!
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  #9  
Old 03-09-2012, 06:44 PM
LoveAdoption LoveAdoption is offline
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Oops, meant our close family thought they COULDN'T have kids, not could.
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The crazy children:

-compassionate & helpful...but don't forget about her sarcastic side!

-witty and smart...but has his lazy and "tween" side too him

- family comedian , rock and roll pro, and the baby of our family

- daughter & meimei waiting in China
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  #10  
Old 03-09-2012, 06:51 PM
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WizardofOz WizardofOz is offline
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Same as gracegirl - I knew since I was a child myself that one day I will adopt children. I do not have infertility problems. I just knew that there were many children who needed parents, so it was clear to me that I would adopt. I clearly remember a discussion I had with my three best friends as a teenager - them telling me that I would want a "child of my own" and me arguing that an adopted child is "my own".

It was also clear to me since I was a child that I will adopt transracially. I envisioned adopting children of different ethnicities different so that we would look like the United Nations. That's exactly how my family looks like today. Every bit of my childhood vision became a reality.

mrshistory, you should never feel a need to "explain" why you want to adopt People adopt for many reasons. Adoption is, God forbid, not a plan B to parenthood due to infertility! Some parents adopt due to infertility but others feel called by the Divine, others see it as an act of social justice/equal distribution of resources and yet other just don't know why but are pulled to it ... Go for it, and congratulations to your decision. Adopted children bring so much happiness. Adoption is the best thing I chose in my life and compares no nothing else I ever did.
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  #11  
Old 03-10-2012, 12:12 PM
bianca7799 bianca7799 is offline
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mrs.history, let me tell you, that is not weird AT ALL. Some families are called to have biological and some families are called too adopt. I am on the same boat as you, people ask me, " why don't you just have your own if you are able to? " , now first thing I don't like the term " your own " because once you adopt the child they are " your own " , I think a better term would be " biological " . Everyone is different and I think that every child deserves to have a family that loves them.
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  #12  
Old 03-10-2012, 01:24 PM
JenniferGrant JenniferGrant is offline
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adoption and couples who are able to have birth children

My husband and I also always felt drawn to adoption. We have three kids by birth and one by adoption (our youngest, int'l adoption). We know several families who are similarly constructed and are so happy with the way our family has come together.
Wishing you peace and clarity as you make decisions!
Best,
Jennifer Grant
(I have written a number of posts about international adoption for adoption.com. You can find some of my posts at jennifergrant.com.)
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  #13  
Old 03-12-2012, 06:20 AM
mrshistory mrshistory is offline
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Thank you all for your responses!! They are wonderful!!
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  #14  
Old 01-26-2013, 06:04 PM
lookin4mo lookin4mo is offline
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2 bios, hoping to adopt

We have two fantastic girls I birthed. We feel there are plenty of babies needing healthy homes. We also would like a boy. All my pregnancies were healthy in my 30s, but I will be 41..I really really wish adoption was not so expensive and we are worried we will not get "picked". Our county connections in fost-adopt have told us we would have to wait years for a child under 2, especially if we are gender specific so we see the 20K we are going to have to pay (after tax credit) as our contribution to environmental and social principles (though I completely support families who want to birth more kids - I sure am tempted!) and the luxury we are privledged with to select adopting a boy. I know that we will get grief for gender selecting... not sure how to answer that... we are open to just about everything there is to consider, but we want our girls to have a brother.
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  #15  
Old 01-26-2013, 06:14 PM
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ProspectiveSingleMom ProspectiveSingleMom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lookin4mo
We have two fantastic girls I birthed. We feel there are plenty of babies needing healthy homes. We also would like a boy. All my pregnancies were healthy in my 30s, but I will be 41..I really really wish adoption was not so expensive and we are worried we will not get "picked". Our county connections in fost-adopt have told us we would have to wait years for a child under 2, especially if we are gender specific so we see the 20K we are going to have to pay (after tax credit) as our contribution to environmental and social principles (though I completely support families who want to birth more kids - I sure am tempted!) and the luxury we are privledged with to select adopting a boy. I know that we will get grief for gender selecting... not sure how to answer that... we are open to just about everything there is to consider, but we want our girls to have a brother.

FWIW, most families who have a gender preference want girls, so you probably won't catch too much grief for wanting a boy.
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