[wantingtoadopt67]

I'm new to this forum but just now starting our homestudy process. I have a 2002 misdemeanor for disorderly conduct and have been asked to provide a police report. What I'm worried about is if this will cause my homestudy to be denied - it started out as an arrest for simple assault for domestic. (I'm not sure if the charge includes domestic but the report will mention it)

My wife and I were arguing and our roomates below us called the cops. Before the cops came, I got very frustrated and overwhelmed because my wife closed her eyes and wouldn't listen to me so I hit her. I know this was wrong, I have gone to anger management classes. The cops said they had to take me in. I have not had another incident ever again as I realized that was wrong and there are other ways of handling frustration and anger. When I went to court, it was pled down to disorderly conduct.

I have researched this on the internet for foster and potential adoption parents and it says anything under 5 years would get me denied. It has been almost 10 years. Other than that, my record is squeaky clean. What are our chances? I don't want my wife to lose out.

Edit: I also forgot to mention that we have excellent character references, very involved with the church. I'm not sure if that will testify to my character now.

Please help me.

[wantingtoadopt67]

I really would like to know if this would hurt our chances

[alys1]

I think you will be fine -- but am not an attorney or SW in the state you're in. An idea: 1) Using a phone you can make anonymous, call either an agency or the State recruiting for foster care line in your state, and ask them this question. If you're trying to license up with one agency, call a different one. Tell them the disorderly conduct charge, when it was, ask if you could still pass.

Just so you know: When SWs go out to interview people to become FPs or to adopt, they don't find perfect people. Because there aren't any. They find people who've had issues and overcome them. In fact, if something happened but the person overcame it, it can mean they learned how to follow a path to change and problem-solve. Vs the "unblemished" person who might fall apart if something negative happened.

In fact, I've heard SWs discuss a family where everything was beautiful, neat as a pin, lots of expensive decorations. They suggested the family put a lot of things up before getting a child. They said, "No, we like it like this." They licensed and got a child... and soon asked the child be taken away. Couldn't get the child to sit and look pretty like the decorations, I guess.

Consider how many guys have some wacky thing they did as a teen on their record. And yes, your character *now* is what matters. Hope this helps.

[Max'smom]

Hi,
This is a very sensitive issue that can only be addressed by calling the potential adoption agencies and being up front. I think some international adoption agencies would probably not take a risk on you as a client, due to concerns the officials in "sending countries" have repeatedly raised about recent international adoptions that ended in the death or abuse of children adopted from East Europe whose behavioral issues were too challenging for the parents involved. It is likely that the adoption agency's US staff will be worried that the court hearing abroad might not lead to approval, once the judge realizes that you have been arrested for a domestic violence incident. But you might be able to find an agency willing to take you - it seems to me that a domestic adoption agency might work better for you.

[wantingtoadopt67]

I just had my interview today by our homestudy caseworker and after it was done, I asked if the assault charge and conviction for disorderly conduct would hurt our chances of being approved. She said no because it was almost 10 years ago and the only incident. I do have to get a police report to add to the homestudy packet and a copy for USCIS as she knows that they will ask for it. I also will be writing a statement explaining the situation and that I took anger management classes voluntarily.

My question is this - when I emailed an agency that we are thinking of going through and explained the situation, they said typically any abuse is a no go. Does this mean I'll be denied later on at some point? My caseworker seems to think USCIS will approve us considering our situation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[LoveBeingaMom]

What I would say is that home study approval and USCIS approval is a very separate and different issue than approval from the government authority of the country from which you wish to adopt. You must still be approved by their government agency. So, yes, you could be denied at some other point in the process.

They will not be concerned with the name given to the conduct or length of time elapsed; they will be concerned with the fact that you hit your wife when she closed her eyes and would not listen to you (something children do OFTEN in the toddler and teen years).

However, I think that with your statement (and possibly a statement from your wife, since she was the victim in the incident), your efforts to correct the problem and the length of time you have a good chance.

I know that you have changed and done everything you can to change your issues and correct the problems of your past. Unfortunately, no matter what our past mistakes are or what we have done to correct them, they sometimes still affect our lives.

To gain the perspective of the nation from which you wish to adopt, imagine if you were asked to place YOUR child with a parent who has the same history of punching his wife, no matter how distant. For this reason, your statement must be the best, most heartfelt thing you have ever written.

Good luck, and please update us.

[sak9645]

Proven cases of domestic violence, spousal abuse, child abuse, or child neglect ALWAYS result in automatic denial by homestudy agency and USCIS. The year it happened is not generally relevant.

Now, in your case, where there has not actually been a conviction for one of these things, but rather a conviction for disorderly conduct, there may be some wiggle room. Arguing and loud yelling and a slap, never more than that and never repeated, may be considered less than abusive, especially since it was almost ten years ago and you took steps to learn to control your temper but, frankly, a lot will depend on how your social worker views your situation, how sensitively he/she writes up the episode, and how your USCIS officer feels about your situation. There is a certain amount of subjectivity.

Do not count on agencies giving weight to the comments of your wife, as someone suggested here. Unfortunately, too many truly abused spouses stay in relationships, make excuses for their partner's actions, and continue to endure abuse. And social workers know it very well. However, since the social worker will be interviewing your wife without you present, he/she "may" feel comfortable giving a professional judgment that your wife does not seem to be a victim of domestic violence.

On the other hand, agencies and the USCIS know that some things do get misinterpreted. As an example, where an ex-spouse, as part of a divorce action, accuses his/her former partner of domestic violence or child abuse, the former partner will often be approved to adopt if the court records show that the judge did not believe the vindictive ex-spouse -- for example, by giving the partner custody of, or unsupervised visitation with, their child.

Social workers and USCIS agents are not out to "get you". They are out to ensure that a child goes to a safe and loving home. They will prohibit you from adopting if they fear that a child could be put at risk in your household. They will not prohibit you from adopting, because a vindictive person said mean things about you.

How they will act with regard to the fact that you had a loud, screaming argument that caused your housemates to call the cops, and that you actually struck your wife, however, is a judgment call. Your actions do come dangerously close to an act of domestic violence, so you could get summarily denied. However, given the fact that the event was in the past, did not involve any ongoing violence, did not incur a conviction for domestic abuse, and spurred you to take anger management classes, you possibly could get approved. Again, it's going to be a judgment call.

Of course, the whole event will be in your homestudy report, and even if you get homestudy and USCIS approval, when a placement agency reads that report, it could decide not to accept you. It isn't going to want to be responsible for placing a child with a person who "might" become abusive to that child, or who "might" terrorize the child by screaming at and hitting his spouse.

And it isn't going to want to submit a dossier to a foreign country, that is going to be rejected by that country. Most countries tell agencies that if they knowingly or repeatedly submit dossiers of unqualified candidates, they will lose the right to place children from their orphanages and foster homes, and most agencies will be very reluctant to submit a dossier that could cause them to lose their program in a given country.

Now, in some cases, if a placement agency is willing to take a chance on you, it may steer you away from certain countries, and towards others. As an example, Russia probably won't accept you. Right now, it is extremely sensitive to the fact that several Russian adoptees were abused by their adoptive parents, and it is going to be extremely careful to avoid prospective parents with any slight mention of violence in their dossiers.

And if there was even the slightest mention of alcohol in the court records -- in other words, if you were a bit intoxicated when you started yelling at your wife and when you hit her -- forget Russia altogether. Alcoholism is Russia's #1 social problem right now, and many of the children currently in Russian orphanages are there because of Russian parents who became abusive or neglectful under the influence of alcohol. Mention of any alcohol related situation in a homestudy is generally going to be a deal-killer.

On the other hand, if you have a completely clean record, with the exception of this offense, are truly an upstanding citizen in every way, have an approved homestudy and USCIS clearance, and meet a country's requirements perfectly, there is a chance that an agency may be able to place a child from SOME country with you. It's by no means a sure thing, but there is a chance.

My sense is that you will have the most luck with some of the newer programs, because countries with new programs often do not have extensive lists of legal requirements and prohibitions. Those generally come after a program has been in place for a while. But, of course, you will only be able to consider these countries if you have an approved homestudy and USCIS clearance, and can find an agency to work with you.

Sharon

[Max'smom]

Hi,
I would not undertake a home study before being accepted by an adoption agency and choosing a country. The reason why is that home studies for international adoptions must be written to respond to a particular country's requirements. A generic home study written on the template of a domestic adoption will not be acceptable. The home study social worker should have mentioned this to you - I am actually be quite surprised that they didn't. You might end up wasting a lot of money and time having the whole thing rewritten later.

[wantingtoadopt67]

I would like to say thank you for all your feedback.

Max's mom - My wife and I want to adopt from Bulgaria, and our caseworker knows that and has put that down in the homestudy. Another country we have put down is Poland. This way she can write the homestudy for those countries.

Sharon, I have to say you are very insightful and your post showed both sides. When you say new programs, do you happen to know what programs those are so that I can maybe email our caseworker and see what she thinks. My wife really really wants to adopt. I would hate for her dream to fail because of something I did and have not done since then. I do have to say that the agency we emailed did say not to be discouraged as my wife did the equivalant of putting hands over her ears and refusing to listen but that they still needed to see police report to get a better feel to see if it would work.

This is when we will put our faith in God and let Him take care of us, and if it's His will, it will happen.

Thanks again.

[LoveBeingaMom]

Originally Posted by wantingtoadopt67

I do have to say that the agency we emailed did say not to be discouraged as my wife did the equivalant of putting hands over her ears and refusing to listen

Listen, I don't know what you meant by the above statement. It sounds like you are saying that hitting her was the same as her actions in not opening her eyes and listening to you. I would NOT make any such indication in your statement for the homestudy. I am sure you didn't mean it that way because you seem like a caring and self aware person. Just be careful how things might be interpreted.

[wantingtoadopt67]

Lovesbeingamom,

Please do not misunderstand. I know what I did was wrong, and deeply wish I had never done that and immediately after getting out of jail signed up for anger management classes and have since then learned what to do and how to control my anger such as walking away. That is the only thing I have ever done in my life, my record is squeaky clean.

I was just saying what the agency said, not my personal opinion. I want this to work out for not just me but my wife. It's been her dream for a long time.

Hope you understand

[sak9645]

First off, it is true that a homestudy must be written in a way that conforms to the requirements of a specific foreign country, that's not so terrible. Do a reasonable amount of homework and talk to agencies, by all means. They will let you know about the countries with which they work, and what their experience has been in getting approval from the country to place a child with a prospective parent who has a criminal history like yours. If all the agencies, talking about all of the countries that interest you, tell you not to bother having a homestudy, because you are not approvable, then you don't have to proceed.

And at the same time, talk to some homestudy agencies. If they all say that you are not approvable because you committed domestic violence, then you will know not to spend the money on the homestudy and USCIS clearance.

If they hold out some hope,you can decide whether to take the risk of spending money for the homestudy and USCIS clearance. You can pick the country that agencies feel is most likely to be accepting, and the agency that is most willing to work with you, if you decide to proceed.

If you get approved by the homestudy agency and the USCIS, but find out that the wording of the homestudy report raises concerns with agencies about how your foreign country of choice will react, you can see if there are any other countries that your chosen agency will recommend. If you find one, you won't need to toss out your homestudy and start over; you will simply need an update. Yes, it will cost you some money, but it may be worth it to you to try that country.

All in all, however, if you keep finding agencies that don't want to work with you, and stories about countries that have denied clients with similar situations, you and your wife may have to recognize that adoption may not be in the cards for you. You will have to decide if there are any other options for having a child that make you comfortable; as an example, while I would, personally, not choose surrogacy, some families have worked with an experienced lawyer, had a positive experience with their chosen surrogate, and fulfilled their dream of having a baby.

As far as some of the more liberal countries, take a look at some of the African countries with new (or new to the U.S.) programs, like Democratic Republic of Congo. There are many adoption scams arising in African countries, so it is important to work only with reputable U.S. agencies with considerable experience. Never send money to anyone in a country who offers to help you adopt, unless you check out the situation carefully. Just because the person says that he/she is Christian, runs an orphanage, etc., it isn't necessarily true, so do your homework.

Samoa, in the Pacific Islands (NOT American Samoa, which is a U.S. territory near Samoa), has a small adoption program. It may be a possibility, though very few American agencies work there.

In Latin America, Honduras appears to be gearing up again. There are some uncertainties, but it may be worth talking to some agencies. Mexico has traditionally been very risky, but now that both the U.S. and Mexico have ratified the Hague Convention on intercountry adoption, and now that Mexico's federal government is working with the U.S. to approve certain Hague accredited American agencies to place children from the country, things may go more smoothly. Again, however, this is a country where scams and illegal practices have abounded, so be very careful. Remember that you MUST use an agency that has been Hague-accredited by the U.S. government (via the Council on Accreditation), and that has approval from the Mexican government and/or the government of the Mexican state from which you plan to adopt.

I would pretty much rule out Asia. The two main Asian countries for adoption -- China and Korea -- are extremely strict. There might be options in Eastern Europe, other than Russia, but I think that sensitivities about criminal records could be a major issue.

Above all, keep talking to agencies. Agencies can tell you what their recent experience has been, and are in the best position to let you know where you "may" have a chance.

Sharon

Sharon

[Max'smom]

wantingtoadopt67,

It sounds to me like you are already having a homestudy written. If that is the case, you are likely paying a fee to your social worker. Some agencies prefer to work with someone in-house who knows the requirements of the particular country you work with (our agency did, and we worked with one of the larger national agencies). I would wait to have the homestudy done until you have been accepted by an agency.

As for Bulgaria and Poland:
a. be aware that Bulgaria has a multi year back log of people who submitted dossiers for adoption years ago, and the number of referrals coming out of there really has remained quite a bit smaller than the number of people waiting - moreover, most of the children available are older and have significant special needs. Here are the number of adoptions by US citizens from Bulgaria:

2011 75 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2010 40 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2009 15 ((the majority of kids were 3-4 years old, followed by 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2008 5

b. similarly, Poland has relatively few young children available for international adoption and the number has been slowly going down as Polish citizens become more affluent and more likely to adopt or be able to parent their kids. Here are the numbers of kids adopted from Poland by US citizens:
2011 52 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2010 50 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2009 50 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2008 77 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2007 84 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2006 67 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2005 73 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)
2004 101 (the majority of kids were 5-12 years old, see Statistics | Intercountry Adoption)


Agencies are aware of these odds, or at least, should be letting you know of them - and are likely to be highly selective with who they accept, particularly with respect to parents who are seeking to adopt a relatively healthy young child (under the age of 2, which I am assuming is the case for you). I would not recommend that you start a home study until you have been accepted by an agency. I would also recommend that you look into domestic adoption, where the odds are more in your favor.