[mt22710]

Would anyone who has completed a successful international adoption of a child 4 years old or under from any country be willing to PM me with some agency selections that are available to NYC & NY state residents? MY husband and I have been swamped with brochures/emails from so many places I don't even know where to start. I am not picky all we want is a child to bring into our home and make a part of our wonderful family, we have none currently. Thank you to anyone who can help in advance.

[sak9645]

Do not choose an agency until you choose a country and, possibly, a backup country.

All agencies don't work in all countries. And some agencies have a great program in one country, but a mediocre one in another. So your best bet is to start researching countries, and once you find one for which you qualify, and which has children you feel that you could parent (age, health status, etc.), you can start researching the agencies working in that country. Because countries tend to close or change their requirements fairly often, you might want to pick a backup country, and look for an agency that works in both.

Nowadays, some countries have ratified the Hague Convention on intercountry adoption and some haven't. People planning to adopt from a Hague country must work with a U.S. agency that has been accredited by the Council on Accreditation and the U.S. State Department. If you happen to sign up with a non-Hague accredited agency, and then decide that you'd prefer to adopt from a Hague country, you'd have to change agencies, almost certainly losing money and time. Again, it's better to make a decision on an agency AFTER you pick a country.

My suggestion to you is that you go to the adoption website set up by the U.S. State Department. On the home page, there's a list of countries. For each country, there is a detailed description of its requirements, the types of children available, the process, the time frame, and so on. The site indicates whether or not the country has ratified the Hague Convention. It also indicates how many children from that country came to the U.S. on adoption visas in recent years; in general, a larger number of adoption visas suggests a country with a well-established program.

Go through the list of countries, reading the information. Once you have focused in on a few, begin getting additional information on them by participating in forums like this one, which are used by people who are in process and who have brought children home. This will give you a better idea of the actual, day-to-day situation. Also, talk to people in your local adoption support groups, especially groups focusing on your countries of interest. Meet some of the adopted children, if possible.

And do a lot of reading about the countries; see if you feel drawn to any, in particular, or will have to omit a country because of factors like current number of required trips (time lost from work, cost of multiple flights and in-country stays, etc.)

Do be aware, by the way, that being "not picky" is not always positive. It is very important that you feel good about your potential child's birth country, and encourage your child to be proud of his heritage. One way to do this is to incorporate elements of his/her birth culture in your life. Most people find that they feel more comfortable with certain cultures than with others.

Also, there is no perfect country from which to adopt. Each country has its advantages, risks, and drawbacks. You have to decide what combination is right for you. As an example, you should be very aware of some of the medical risks in adoption, in general, and also aware of some of the medical issues associated with adoption from certain countries -- higher rates of fetal alcohol spectrum disorders in Russia, for example -- so that you can decide what you can handle and balance this risk against some of your positive perceptions of a country.

As another example, while you may be truly race-blind, can you be sure that your relatives are? Your friends? Your neighbors? If your mother refuses to include your Hispanic baby when giving gifts to all the grandchildren, because he is not "really" part of the family, are you willing to cut her out of your life? If your best friend's unemployed husband constantly complains about how Asians are taking all the good jobs, and that you were stupid to adopt from Korea, will you explain that you can no longer bring your daughter into such a toxic environment?

Are you up for the difficult task of promoting your teenage son's self image, even though the security guards follow him when he goes to the mall to buy socks, just because he's Black, and because the teachers at his school push him into non-challenging classes and basketball, when he is smart and hoping to become an engineer?

Race blindness is a fine concept, but most transracially adoptive families know that, in practice, raising a child of a different race is very difficult, and blindness to is most definitely NOT a virtue. I'm a transracially adoptive Mom, and I absolutely LOVE being one, but I'd rather see a couple decide, after much soul-searching, that they would be best off with a same race adoption than watch them struggle to understand their transracially adopted child's issues related to race, culture, and identity.

Meanwhile, begin thinking about what agency characteristics will be important to you, once you have picked one or two countries. There are some characteristics that should be on any list -- for example, the years of experience that the agency and its key people have in placing children from your country of interest and in general, and its licensure and accreditation status.

But there are also characteristics that are more important to some people than to others. As an example, some people have a definite preference for a large or a small agency. Some people strongly prefer a faith-based agency, some people demand a strictly secular agency, and some people don't care about affiliation. Some people feel a need to use an agency located in their state, even though all countries except for Korea allow you to use an agency in any state, as long as you have a locally done homestudy, and some people prefer the wider choice. And so on.

Once you have chosen your country/countries and clarified your thinking about agency characteristics, start with a list of licensed, non-profit U.S. agencies, such as the one on the Joint Council on International Children's Services website, and begin checking them out in terms of whether they serve your country/countries of interest and whether they meet your criteria. Sometimes, a simple spreadsheet will enable you to record information so that you can focus in on which appear to be the best fit.

If costs are of serious concern, you might want to create a second spreadsheet, where you break down your adoption process into component pieces -- homestudy, USCIS clearance, dossier preparation, and so on -- and then do research to help fill in the blanks. You will probably have to call agencies, as the prices mentioned on some agencies' websites will give you certain costs, but not others. Don't assume that if an agency lists costs of $25,000 and another lists costs of $32,000, for the same country, that the first is necessarily cheaper; it may be omitting some costs that you don't pay directly to it -- such as your homestudy cost if you must use a separate agency, or your travel expenses.

And also, don't be blinded by a cheaper price. Yes, you want to save as much money as you can, so that you can use it for actually raising your child. Still, your agency is going to be your partner as you go through one of the most important tasks will ever undertake, so be sure to place a high priority on factors like client service, very high ethical standards, and an agency with which you feel extremely comfortable.

Before making a final decision on an agency, be sure to check references. Most agencies will give you the names of clients who have agreed to speak with prospective parents, but just remember that they will be giving you, in all likelihood, the names of their most satisfied clients. Be sure to go to your local adoption support group, as well as online, to find other families who have used the agency. Make sure, in any case, that you find families with RECENT experience in the SAME country that you are choosing.

Ask the clients about the things that you've identified as very important to you, and look for specifics; don't just ask, "Was the agency honest and ethical?" As an example, if you have never traveled overseas before, you may want an agency that provides a great deal of in-country support, as well as preparation for travel. On the other hand, if you are experienced travelers, you may not want an agency dictating the flights you take, the hotels you use, the touring you do, etc.

Likewise, if you are easily "boggled" by paperwork, you will probably want an agency that does some of it for you or, at the very least, provides you with a very detailed "cookbook" of instructions, even if it costs more. On the other hand, if you don't find filling out your tax forms daunting, and work in a very document-intensive business, you may be OK with an agency that isn't great at dossier prep help, but is truly amazing with travel assistance and that goes "above and beyond" to find out every possible detail about a child before you commit to accepting a referral.

As you prepare to send in your application and application fee, consider also:

1. Contacting the licensing agency in the state(s) where the agency is licensed, to be sure that it is in good standing. Some state agencies may even keep a complaint registry, where you can see the types of problems clients have reported.

2. Contacting the Better Business Bureau in those states for the same information.

3. Checking with the U.S. Embassy in your country of choice to see if the agency has had any difficulty getting visas for children, usually because it worked with in-country facilitators who used questionable ethical standards in seeking children for adoption or failed to provide accurate information on a child's eligibility for a visa, such as his/her orphan status.

4. Determining whether the agency and its staff are members of highly regarded professional organizations and, especially, whether they have served on these organizations' boards of directors, presented at their professional education conferences, and so on. This usually suggests that an agency and its staff are well regarded by their peers. Organizations to be considered are the Joint Council on International Children's Services (the premier organization of international adoption professionals), the Child Welfare League of America, the National Council for Adoption, the North American Council on Adoptable Children, and so on.

5. Ensuring that the agency has all necessary accreditations to participate in adoptions from your country of choice. This may include Hague accreditation or accreditation by foreign governments. In some countries, it "may" be possible to adopt through an agency that is not accredited by the country, but that "umbrellas" under an accredited agency; I would strongly recommend against going with such an agency, because there is a risk that the country will refuse to allow you to proceed. Likewise, I would strongly recommend NOT starting an adoption with an agency that says its Hague or foreign accreditation is "expected any day now". If the accreditation doesn't materialize, you could lose time and money.

6. Above all, becoming an "expert" on adoptions from your country of choice. That way, you will recognize misinformation in agency literature and personal contacts. Remember that, if something seems too good to be true -- it usually isn't true! You will also be able to work more cooperatively with whatever agency you finally choose.

Sharon

[mt22710]

Thank you so much for the wealth of information you so willingly provided to us. As of right now I have been researching countries the same way you suggested above, we have decided we would like to adopt from China or Korea including waiting or special needs children or from any of the countries in Eastern Europe currently available such as Bulgaria, Hungary, Poland etc. Any agency references at this time via PM would be wonderful, again thank you