[ranoutofnames]

My DH and I have discussed possibly adding one more child to our family, eventhough we have also said "we are complete".

Due to the complication with the pregnancy of my bson, I've been told by more than one doctor that although I can get pregnant they would advice that I put my uterus "out of commission". Not only did I have health problems, and labor difficulty but I also had difficulty with PPD and Anxiety Disorder following his birth.

We adopted our first two daughters from foster care. We almost adopted a 3 daughter, who had lived with us since she was 4 months old, but she reunited with her bparents just 3 months after our son was born, she'd lived with us for 2 yrs.

My hubby states he'd like to have one more son someday but just can't go the fostercare route again. The pain of them going home is too much for him. For this reason we've also ruled Domestic Adoption out as an option as we could have a failed adoption going this route. Neither my hubby nor our daughters can handle the pain again, and to be honest neither can I.

For this reason we are considering International Adoption. We really want a boy, and would prefer one without any siblings.... in a way it helps keep all our children "equal" in that none of them would share any DNA with each other.

The one thing I REALLY liked about going through foster care was I was there from the beginning with my daughters so I know exactly what efforts their bios put into regaining custody. I know a lot of their history, I was there for much of their story. I met all of their bios at least once. For one of my daughters it wasn't in her benefit she have any continued contact and for my other daughter it wasn't an option as they didn't want her to begin with... but I know who they are and when my daughters are older I can help them locate them.

We'd really like to adopt a son of caucasian appearance. Through foster care we've taken lots of children from different racial backgrounds, even desperately wanted to adopt an AA child (a boy just 1 year older than A1). He was such a perfect fit in our family, but he was moved to live with a brother that we couldn't take due to his physical and developmental issues. Since that time we have decided that the best fit for our family and future children is not to cross racial boundaries nor religious (in other words, if a parent wanted the child raised in a family other than Christian we wouldn't be the right family.)

Going the International route... are there any programs or countries you'd recommend where the opportunity of having a caucasian appearance son and meeting some of the bio family (even grandparents) is an option?

I'm not intersted in a "baby" but a toddler within a year of my son's age would be perfect. We are hoping to start our journey within the next year, realizing it could take a year or more for the process. I'd really like my son to be between 2-3 years old so he's had the chance to be "the baby" and our newly adopted son would then also get the chance to be "the baby" even if he isn't exactly a baby.

[momraine]

I think the rules that you have to follow in order to bring a child into the US from another country will mostly prevent you from meeting the bios. The child has to be either a true orphan or abandoned, or have only one parent who has stated they cannot care for the child. I have only adopted in Poland and Russia, though I have a lot of friends who have adopted from Ukraine. My children had both been abandoned at birth. I was later able to hire someone to search for and find my dd's bio family, but that was some time after she was home and meeting them is unlikely, meeting grandparents will be impossible since they had been told dd was stillborn. In Russia the child is not eligible for adoption if any family members visit the child or show an interest in the child. I think some other countries are similar. If they think there is a chance that the family wants a relationship with the child then they don't want the child to leave the country. The only foreign adoptions I know of where the parents were able to meet the bios have been from Liberia (in Africa so not caucasion kids, but adorable) Maybe there is another country I have not heard about that offers that opportunity though.

[Max'smom]

Hi,
I agree with the previous poster in the case of the countries of Eastern Europe and the post Soviet Union (the source of most kids who fit your racial background specs). They would not work for you - you can't meet birth parents or grandparents. The adoption process is handled in nearly all post-communist countries by state adoption authorities, rather than through some private intermediaries. This system has been put into place in part because of trafficking cases, even though most of these cases involved children who were taken from birth parents without their full knowledge.

[kretzklan]

Yes - Russia would not be an option to meet birth families - in most cases you will know very little about them. However, many families have returned home and done sucessful searches for birth family and received pictures/phone calls/ letters, etc. So, finding them later is a viable option. I have heard about adoptive families meeting birth families in India and in Guatmala you meet the foster family (which has often had them from early infancy).
Good luck!