[Stephanie1121]

My husband and I are working to complete our home study.

Our initial decision to work with agency W was trifold, as it gave us the ability to:
1.) use a single agency for both the home study and placement
2.) dual enroll in both domestic and international programs...domestic can be “so unpredictable” that the agency encourages families to dual enroll
3.) adopt from Korea...shorter timeframe, babies as young as 10 months at time of referral, highly-regarded foster and medical care for the children, children can be escorted

Well, nothing (for us at least it seems) is ever easy. At our first meeting with our social worker, we learned that Korea is not an option for us because of the country’s newly-implemented weight restriction. (I don’t remember that from the information session.) According to their chart, my husband would have to lose more than 60 pounds for us to qualify. Just what he needs on top of all our other chaos...so we decided to explore our other options.

Staying with agency W, we felt our best options would be Columbia and/or Domestic.

Our thoughts on Columbia:
Columbia sounded like a great alternative to Korea...babies as young as 4 months at time of referral, a 3 week in-country stay with one parent able to return after the first week, quality foster/medical care...
However, the program manager told us that they are only accepting applications from families open to a child of any race...there’s a need for families for babies of Afro-Columbian hertiage. (As my husband and I are Caucasian, we are hesitant in our own selfish want for a child to potentially to add another layer of difficulty for our child.)

Our thoughts on Domestic:
The babies are typically placed as newborns. There’s the convenience and security of only traveling domestically. But honestly, we are concerned about the whole concept of openness. And more so than that, most agency W families are matched twice before actually bringing a baby home. That's according to the program manager. 3 in 5 expectant mothers decide to parent. Some pretty scary statistics from our perspective.

Concurrently I began researching other placement agencies, and found a few with Poland programs.

Our thoughts on Poland:
The fees are much more in line with those of Korea and Columbia; Russia has the potential to run nearly double. There is less likelihood of fetal alcohol issues than in other Eastern European countries. However, the babies are older at the time of the referral, youngest are about 15 months. And 2 trips are required of both parents. Both parents travel once for 3-5 days to meet the baby before accepting the referral. Then a second, 7 week in-country stay is required for bonding and adoption finalization. One parent is able to return after the bonding period (about 3 weeks).

Hence my ambivalence and indecision. It feels like every time we/I make a decision, some new piece of information comes up that causes us/me to question that decision. At this point, we’re strongly leaning towards Poland and/or Domestic. Any thoughts? It just takes SO long. Let alone, our backstory of trying for 5 years...

[karla-k]

Our thoughts on Columbia:
Columbia sounded like a great alternative to Korea...babies as young as 4 months at time of referral, a 3 week in-country stay with one parent able to return after the first week, quality foster/medical care...
However, the program manager told us that they are only accepting applications from families open to a child of any race...there’s a need for families for babies of Afro-Columbian hertiage. (As my husband and I are Caucasian, we are hesitant in our own selfish want for a child to potentially to add another layer of difficulty for our child.)

Are you only wanting a light skinned child? There is no problem with that in and of itself, however in any kind of adoption you must be aware that waiting for that child could mean a very long wait, either domestically or internationally.

[kretzklan]

I would post on the Poland board for more specific info - but if I've always read correctly an adoptive family has to have a tie to Polish heritage (like being able to prove you are a quarter Polish) in order to be on waiting lists for younger children. I believe that others can adopt special needs or older children -but still a long process from what I've always read. Of course, any intl program can be long and arduous. If you were interested in Columbia, were you not ok with a child of differing race? Columbians will generally not look caucasian, no matter which background they come from. Just a thought since you were interested - maybe the wording just scared you?
I know little about domestic adoption - and I do know that some go very fast. If that is an avenue that you feel more comfortable with - perhaps get on those waiting lists for the criteria you are hoping for and wait a bit. Something could happen quickly and while you've moved forward with waiting there, you can continue to think on intl programs.
Good luck!

[devildogwife]

We adopted domestically. From signing with our facilitator, it was about 10 months for our son to be born.

We were matched once beforehand and that fell through. Failed matches (matching with and expectant mom, but baby not born) seem to happen to a lot of us. I was upset for a short while (few days) but then moved on. Obviously that wasn't the right child for us.

Domestic worked well for us and we would do it again. We didn't wait very long and had a comfortable relationship with our son's birth mom. We have no contact now, but did before he was born.

Also, not every domestic adoption is open with contact. Some expectant mom's do choose a closed adoption.

I don't think you'll find that requirements for domestic adoption are constantly changing. That's really not the way it works. It's actually pretty flexible. However, the more restrictive you are regarding race and any special needs, the longer your wait could potentially be (not always though).

This is a good board to visit if you'd like to learn more:

http://forums.adoption.com/general-a...arent-support/

[sak9645]

Weight restrictions are not a COUNTRY requirement with Korea. However, they are a requirement with at least one of Korea's four social welfare organizations that work in international adoption. Each U.S. agency with a Korea program must be linked to one of these four Korean social welfare organizations, and if yours happens to be linked to one with a weight requirement, that weight requirement will apply. You might be able to do a Korean adoption through another agency, though your state is likely to have only one or two agencies with Korea contracts.

Sharon

[Max'smom]

My understanding of Poland is that the waits can be very, very long if you are looking for an infant (it sounds like you are) as most infants are adopted domestically and the kids who are available for adoption are special needs infants, toddler and older, or sibling groups.

[EZ2Luv]

Is there any way that you can begin waiting domestically then decide on another country? This way you have one foot in so to speak and then when you are able to commit to an international country.

Hopefully you won't have along wait domestically. I am of the belief that the baby that is meant to be yours will find you. You could even be chosen by a bmom in a baby born situation. I would not be to quick to out rule domestic. I have seen matches in no time at all.

I also want to say there is absolutly nothing wrong in going with what works for your family as far as race , age ect..

I pray that whatever you decide, that your baby finds your arms with a quickness.

EZ

[Snapaholics]

i adopted from haiti and couldn't have a better match! we are chocolate and vanilla and haven't had one iota of problems here. she's 6. the waits for haiti have become a bit long tho. but you can get a newborn at time of referral, and you can do escorting. also do not need an agency. unless you live in a real awful area, you THINK there will be this difficult race issue for the child, but it really doesn't turn out that way. an adopted kid is gonna have questions and issues just as an adopted kid, different colored skin or not.

best of luck!

steph