[lilmom613]

I've been an active member off and on for awhile now. I'm hoping someone has been in my situation and can help. My husband and I have been married for 10 years with 2 biologicial children. I have talked about adoption for several years now, but my hubby still hasnt hopped on board. I had to have a hysterectomy two years ago at 26. I'm starting to feel this will never happen since he must approve. Our children 10 & 6 are always asking for a baby sister. I cant help but feel someone has been in the same place I am.
Thanks
Tiff

[allanacw]

Absolutely in the same place!

We have two kids, S was adopted at 5 (now 9) and J was bio 2 years later (now 2.5). I'd like a third and want to do an international adoption, but dh isn't on board. So I'm lurking, researching and praying.

Several layers to it...he doesn't want to start over with a baby again now that J is older and we're gaining independence, 3 seems really busy and the costs of an international adoption can be prohibitive.

We talk about it every few months, but we've always said that when one of us was done, we would be done. He still feels done, so we'll see what happens!

I refuse to put pressure on him. Didn't work in the past , won't work now, is disrespectful of him and his wishes for our family. Sigh!

[DPline]

Would he consider going to an information session put on by a homestudy or adoption agency near you? Just to get more information from a neutral third party. (Well. more neutral that you who is lobbying for it! ) Going to an information session on adoption in general (both domestic and international) was a huge turning point for my husband in getting him on board with adopting.

Good luck!

[lilmom613]

Thanks! I just sent for an info kit from the agency I would like to use. I checked them out beforehand. I told them that my DH was leery about it and that I was hoping this would help. Last time we spoke about it (its been awhile) I felt he was leaning my way until the cost came up. I'm religious and have been praying about it. Last night I got the name Mikalya Renee ( that happens to be a cousins 1st name and my baby sis middle name) and the #5. We would be a family of 5 or maybe it would take 5 mths for him to come around IDK.... Our children talk about a baby sis and adoption is the only way since due to a medical condition I had to have a hysterctomy in '06. I'm going to continue to pray and will k.i.t about my DH

[DPline]

Good luck! I hope you find the right path for your family!

[JCNickmom]

My DH wasn't the least bit interested in adopting a child. We have 2 bio sons. Shortly after the birth of our youngest, I had a hysterectomy. It was a hard loss for me, though I refused to acknowledge it at first. I just didn't allow myself to go there because I knew it would be so painful for me. I always dreamed of having a little girl. Then...my 3 closest friends all became pregnant at the same time! They all had their babies within a month of each other and I still refused to deal with what I was feeling.

The realization finally came to me that I was really wanting a little girl. So, I started looking into our options. My first road was foster care. We went to the first meeting and decided we were going o take the classes. My husband was NOT on board any further than taking the classes, and even that took a lot of time. I think he figured that taking the classes bought him time, so that's what we agreed to do.

In the meantime, I received an email about a little girl in Thailand. She is totally blind and all alone in the world. Well, this really captured my heart, and really upset my husband!! This was a total change in direction and he wasn't ready.

I don't know how much you believe in God and His work in our lives, but I have to credit Him with my hsuband's change of heart. We love to go to garage sales and we just happened upon one that was a fund raiser for an adoption. Of the thousands of garage sales we've been to, we've never been to one that was for an adoption. This family was adopting 3 kids (sibling group) from India. She shared her story about how God changed her husbands heart and that really gave me hope. Her husband also talked with my husband, sharing their story. Well, about a week later, my husband came to me and said he thought we should start the process of adopting the little girl from Thailand!

No amount of pressure that I could put on him would have made any difference. I had to be something that came from his heart. One of my biggest regrets in all of this is that I wasn't quiet enough. I wasn't as patient and loving as I should have been. I should have trusted that if God planned for this little girl to be a part of our family, He could surely handle my husband's heart.

We are just about to wrap up our Home Study, and I can say with certainty that we are both excited about bringing our little girl home!

HTH
Melissa

[lilmom613]

Hi Melissa! Thanks so much for your words of encouragement.I hope your HS went well. I to am trusting that Christ will change A heart. Last time I got the "adoption bug" I prayed that HE would change my DH's heart until a talk with my mom who said I should pray that one heart be changed. That was in the beginning of Jan 07.By the end of the month his grandmother had passed and by Thanksgiving I had lost my grandfather. I know that God forsaw these hard times fo us and put the adoption at the back of my mind. I cant imagine being in another country esp one like Russia where we have to stay for 3 weeks when we found out about their passing. I trust that the final say will be the right thing....but I'm still hoping that HE will get DH to hop on board lol