[cwilliams2]

When my husband and I first decided to adopt internationally, I was under the impression these children were "orphans" without a mother or father that were capable of caring for them. We commited to two girls which we were told were 6 and 8 years old and, the birth mom was dead. The father was incapable of caring for them and the thing that the youngest yearned for the most, was a "Mom". Since then, I had the opportunity to speak with the birthfather through a translator. It turns out, these girls are much older than we were told, 11 and 12, and their birthmom is very much alive! We met her on all 3 occasions we traveled to see the girls. She was introduced to us as the "sister-in-law". I always wondered why this woman could not fullfill the role of a "mother' to the girls being she was always with the father when we saw him. When I questioned the O director what the birthmom died from, she informed me that she died of breastcancer. The mother was sitting right there at the time! I know of two other families that were told the birthparents were dead, only to find out this was not true. One of the birthmoms is currently working at the Orphanage!
There have been several other red flags along the way. The father was allowed to believe he would be able to escort his girls to their new home so he could see where they would be living. When I questioned the director about this, I was reassured that it would never happen because he will never get a Visa. "But we will not be the ones to tell him that, we will let Immigrations do this, by then it will be too late to change his mind.". What?!!!
I also had the opportunity to see the birthparents living conditions and it was not at all what I would consider living in poverty! They have a stereo, TV, DVD player; I even have pictures of the two older sons playing video games! My suspicion is the father most likely believes he is sending his girls off to get an all expense paid education? Who knows what his motives are, he certainly appears to be able to care for them, at least provide their basic needs. They were not even yet living at the Orphanage when we first commited to them.
My question is how can these girls possibly attach to us as "parents" knowing they already have a family whom they love very much, but have chosen to "provide them with a better life" by placing them for adoption? How do we know what these girls have been told? If the adults involved have been snowballed, then most likely the girls have been misinformed as well? I hope there is someone out there that can give me some insight on our situation because no matter how hard I try, I cannot justify this adoption. Is this "normal" in the world of International Adoption? I always thought International adoption involved children living in an Orphanage, either without living parents or parents who simply could not provide their basic needs. I also thought these were typically closed adoptions. Now I am informed that I must be more open minded and need to broaden my definition of an "Orphan". Please, any comments will be welcomed with gratitude.

[jessibird]

I really don't know too much yet about adoption law etc., but it seems to me that there is an illigal act being committed here and I would not go forward -if it were me- until I had more answers. I would get the advice of an IA attorney. I guess it depends on the country also, what they classify as an orphan. What if the dad changes his mind when he finds out he cannot come? What if for some reason it does not end up being a legal adoption and the parents can have them back? It sounds like this family wants a free way into the US?
Just some red flags here that would make me get more advice-outside your agency!

[kretzklan]

Without knowing the country you are adopting from, I would say RUN AWAY VERY FAST. Not only from this particular adoption, but from the agency you are working with. Under these circumstances, I would think you could get an attorney and get your fees returned (assuming you've already paid). This sounds like that worst type of organization. First you accepted a referal with false pretenses...the ages were wrong.
If you have visited three times...why have you kept moving forward after hearing these terrible things? You need to take your heart out of the equation and use only your head. These children seem to have parents and have obviously, been misled as to what is happening. That is not the way you want to grow your family, I am sure.
Post on the country specific board to get more info.

[cwilliams2]

Unfortunately I did not find out any of these things until my last visit in February, when I was actually able to meet with the birthfather in the presence of a translator. Up until then, the Orphanage director was dong all the translating for us. The father was just as shocked as I to learn about some of these misconceptions. He was very surprised to hear that we thought the birthmom was deceased And, unfortunately we chose to go the independent route rather than adopt through a liscensed agency. This is a really good reason to choose a reputable agency for those of you who might be considering Independant adoptions.

[BrandyHagz]

This type of thing needs to be reported. This is the type of thing that the Hague Treaty on Inter-country Adoptions is supposed to keep from happening.

This is fraud. Pure and simple. This type of thing is the reason why so many countries are closed to the US and/or are in the process of restructuring their practices - because people who are financially motivated to place children in American homes are breaking laws to do so.

If your situation were ever to come up in any of the 'legal process' of you getting a visa/bringing your child to the U.S. you would NOT be approved. This is illegal. The U.S. Government has strict guidelines that it uses when identifying children who are available for an Orphan Visa and the child(ren) you are adopting do not qualify.

Personally, for me (and this is easy for me to say, because I’ve not walked a mile in your shoes) I would walk away. The heartbreak and sadness involved in explaining to an adopted child that you knowingly went ahead with an adoption that you knew was illegal is no different than black market adoptions that took place in the 50’s and 60’s here in the US.

To answer your question about the definition of “orphan” you really only need to look at the USCIS Website – because the reality of the situation is, it doesn’t matter what anyone on this forum thinks the definition is – the only thing that matters is how the U.S. Government defines it, and here is what they have to say:

Who is Considered an Orphan?
Under U.S. immigration law, a foreign-born child is an orphan if he or she does not have any parents because of the death or disappearance of, abandonment or desertion by, or separation or loss from, both parents. A foreign-born child is also an orphan if his or her sole or surviving parent is incapable of providing care of the child and has, in writing, irrevocably released the child for emigration and adoption. For such a child to gain immigration benefits, an orphan petition must be filed before his or her 16th birthday. An orphan petition may be filed before the child's 18th birthday, if the child is a natural sibling of an orphan or adopted child, and is adopted with or after that child, by the same adoptive parents.