[KellyKA]

I have notice the same too and am also in the saving researching stage but hope to get things started in the fall. I would like either a girl or boy but am learning towards a boy and when I asked my husband he also would prefere a boy. I think i will tell them we are open to either but with the long waiting list for girls Im assusming we will be placed with a boy.

[Bunnygirl]

My situation is probably not the norm, but I figured I'd share it anyway. We lost a son at birth (he was stillborn at 40+ weeks) several years ago & when we finally made the decision to adopt (I did lots of fertility treatments & had 1st trimester miscarriages both before and after losing our son) it felt like it would be emotionally "easier" to adopt a girl. Partly because we'd been hearing so much about the availability of baby girls in China that I'd started fantasizing about adopting a baby girl from China AFTER finally giving birth to a live child and partly because we didn't want to feel like we were "replacing" one child with another.

Anyway, long story short, what with the increased wait time for referrals from China we are actually set to travel to Vietnam next week to adopt a baby boy! Enough time has passed that we don't feel like we're "replacing" the child we lost, although we've gotten plenty of stupid comments (when we started the adoption process for a girl these same people couldn't understand why we wouldn't want to adopt a boy instead since that was what we'd lost).

I've read that more baby boys are stillborn or die of SIDs (I have no idea whether this is accurate or not but it's stuck with me) & I do know that more boys than girls tend to die in childhood accidents, so maybe some of the other people out there with a preference for adopting girls are doing so because they've lost a son?

[richard p.]

I cannot say why, but i wanted a baby girl. The went for or second. My wife thought I would want a boy for our second (and was willing to do it), but i had no interest what so ever. (No offense intended!)

[PA_Dreamer]

In many countries, like India and China, girls are more often unwanted. I was recently in India and went to an orphanage that was full of babies and young children, 95% girls. In India, girls are a burden due to the illegal, but still followed, dowry system. In China, there's a one child rule and families want a boy to carry on the family name.

[LockStock]

Originally Posted by 2Bulgarianbeauties

Here is my unscientific take on that question:

Many international adoptions are pursued by single women, who, choose girls in greater percentages. Given country restrictions, single men are often not eligible to adopt.

Also, I have heard that in couples, the wife tends to drive the dicision to adopt and the process. If the woman has more say, she will tend to choose a girl.

I would have posted almost word-for-word what you said.

Overwhelmingly, women want a daughter. I don't know what the percentage is, but I'd estimate it's at least 65-75%. We adopted a daughter first, and are now in the process of adopting a son. We actually requested a son with our first adoption, but chose our daughter as a waiting child while we were waiting for a referral.

[momraine]

I wanted a girl on my first adoption because I had two bio boys. For my second adoption I got a boy. So now I have three boys and a girl. If we adopt again, I don't care which gender.

[sugarandspice697]

Originally Posted by loveajax

I wonder too if boys sometimes face more racism, thus making transracial adoption seem "harder?" (I realize not all adoption is transracial! Are the "girl preferences" the same for European countries?)...

In my experience, most agencies told me that even in Russia and Ukraine perents still want a girl rather than a boy. In fact, the Russia program cordinator told us the wait for a Russian boy was less than 8 months whereas the wait for a Russian girl was about 12-18 months.

[sak9645]

I doubt that there's been any scientific study of the topic, but here are some conjectures I've heard:

1. In married couples, the women tend to be the most involved in the adoption process. Because women are more involved, they are the ones who tend to make the decisions about whether to request a boy or a girl, and they tend to choose a girl because they are female and have more experience with "girl" issues.

2. Single women who have not parented before tend to choose girls because they aren't sure they are equipped to handle "boy" issues, and worry that it will be hard to provide good male role models for a son. (In fact, both daughters and sons need good male role models, as most singles subsequently find out -- and deal with effectively.)

3. Men are often nervous about adoption for many reasons -- the cost of adopting and raising a child, the difficulty of selecting an ethical agency, and, perhaps most of all, worries that they may not be able to love a non-bio child. It is sometimes easier for a man to think about a daughter who does not "look like" him, than about a son who does not "look like" him but who may actually bear his own name.

4. Many prospective parents have the mistaken notion that adopted boys are more likely than adopted girls to have serious adoption-related behavioral disorders, which cause violent or sexual acting-out. In fact, severe behavioral disorders, rare in both genders, seem to be present about equally in boys and girls. Both boys and girls can respond to a history of physical or sexual abuse by demonstrating violent or sexual behavior, and both boys and girls could have reactive attachment disorder behaviors such as fire-setting, attempting to harm children or animals, etc.

5. Many people who have not parented also have the mistaken notion that girls are easier to parent than boys, possibly because they think that girls are more submissive and accepting of authority. As anyone who has raised a girl can tell you, girls can be quite as challenging as boys! The issues may a bit different, but raising boys OR girls is not easy -- though it is fun and rewarding.

6. Some people think that the risks for orphaned girls who are not adopted are greater than those for orphaned boys. In fact, both girls and boys are often exploited when they do not have parents to protect and nurture them. Sexual exploitation of both male and female orphans is common in some countries. And there are some problems that actually affect more boys than girls -- such as the coercion of parentless boys into armies in some countries.

Sharon

There are other reasons I've heard, as well, but these seem to be the more common ones.

[maddiebud]

For us, our decision to choose a girl is because we already have 3 boys.

[anilorak13ska]

I am the firstborn daughter of a firstborn daughter (my mom) of a firstborn daughter (my grandma) of a firstborn daughter (my great-grandma). We actually have two photos of the four generations of firstborn daughters (also firstborn children, period), and so I always assumed that had I gotten pregnant, my firstborn would also be a daughter.

But then I thought that since with adoption I may have a say in it, I'd like an older brother for my daughter. At this time, I was planning one of each.

Since starting our adoption journey, dh and I have had a very strong feeling that our firstborn (adopted kiddo) will be a boy, and in fact 90% of all of the leads we have gotten have been of boys!

Technically, we're open to either, and after being exhausted from the indepenent adoption wait, we'll be happy even with an only!

I'm not your typical girly girl - in fact I loathe all things frilly and pink. We have a 4.5 yo niece who's like a part time daughter to us, and we see the sort of issues parents of girls need to deal with that just don't come up with boys. Ear piercing, hairdos, fancy dress vs comfy outfit, and then makeup, peer pressure, eating disorders, sexism and sex discrimination... ugh, it is a major challenge to raise a self-confident, strong, independent daughter nowadays. I don't envy any of you doing it!

Would I turn down a baby girl? no. But given a choice between two readily available babies, I'd probably choose the boy.

[Jyoo-li-ang]

Originally Posted by Synesthesia

I'd rather just end up with both, but I'm considering adopting a boy first. It depresses me the thought of boys languishing in foster care and in orphanages. But, it also makes me sad how many girls are unwanted in other parts of the world.
Plus, either a boy or a girl would be difficult or easy to raise depending on their individual personality. All boys and girls are different, so one isn't easier than the other.
Especially when they are teens.

I'm considering a boy too, though I already have one.

First I considered a girl, since I haven't had one yet. I might change my mind again, who knows.

Or if it's a case of which is more available, I may just go according to that.

[bluebonnet_72]

Interesting. We said we'd accept both but I really wanted girls. I was delighted when we were matched with 3 girls. If I was adopting again, I'd really want another girl. My husband might want a boy this time, since he has 3 girls and no boys now. I doubt he'd really care.
I have to wonder why I'd prefer a girl. I'm sure part of it being a female, and having been raised with sisters and not brothers. Boys are more unknown to me. Having 3 girls, another girl would be easier in terms of sharing bedrooms, clothes, etc.
I think the real reason is the perception that girls develop a closer emotional relationship with their mothers then boys. Maybe other adoptive parents have the same perception, that they will have a closer relationship to a girl then to a boy.

[stilldeciding]

In my case...It took me 3 years to get pregnant, I was in great shape but DH is medically sterile. We did fertility treatments and then we gave up. That is when I got pregnant on our own with no help. Our next pregnancies were all the same, fast and with no medical help to conceive. But I can honestly say I was sad when my first baby was a boy. I felt like at that time, I went through heck to get pregnant, my nephews all were aggressive....my in-laws and I didn't get along and It was their first grandson and they were very keen on THEIR family name being carried on...YET they have never had any interest in either of my kids. I was just so darn upset hearing "it's a boy!"


Fast forward to today...I have TWO biological boys and I wouldn't trade them. My boys are very easy, loving well-behaved kids... AND they are affectionate, sweet and very mild. They are in IMO....the easiest boys I know and lucky me, I am their Mom. I am so happy God gave me them...I didn't think I needed them...but no pun intended..but BOY did I need them...they are such a gift!

Now as things have progressed...DH and I decided to adopt.....though we still can have bio kids. We just felt someone is missing. If we adopt..we'd prefer a girl as our thoughts honestly come to this first....HOW could we EVER find boys like ours? Our boys act more like girls, emotionally connecting to us and talking about their feelings, they are not sports interested boys, but are interested in people, etc. The second thought...is because our boys are so mild they would do better with girls and of coarse DH would love a daddy's girl so we put in for a girl ages 2-7 years old. We decided to do foster care hoping to adopt and got many calls for babies. DH and I were so sad as our feeling was with older boys, almost 13 and 11...we were holding out for a bit older child as we are actively involved in many things. Well we finally got a call for a just turned 6 year old boy and his sister who was 2. BUT they were separating them initially and would we be interested in taking ONE of the siblings..and which one would we be interested in? Of coarse I said probably the girl..but because we were more interested in adopting I had to check with DH. Well literally 2 minutes later we called back and they said she was taken. After talking to DH and discussing it...we ended up taking the boy. All I thought was how awful that so many people wanted a girl yet because of his gender no one wanted him. It made me think of my two boys and how I HAD felt about them..so we chose to take this little boy.

We went to meet him and immediately took to him fast. But as the days went on...my fear of how our foster son would fit in with my two very mild boys came to fruition. My boys loved him, as did we...personality wise he had 2 sides...the sweet side which was so compatible with our entire family and the side of him which was aggressive, irritable and manic. Our 2 older boys were getting so stressed out though they loved this beautiful little boy. We made the difficult decision that he was not going to work out. It literally made me sick, still does!

Now after this experience, we for sure decided we will never foster again...but more importantly have decided that if we adopt...it HAS to be a girl. If we end up not adopting...we may consider trying to get pregnant for a few months and whatever we would have will be fine..but we'd prefer another boy. So that is our story.

I think in the end...it really comes down to your own family dynamics. In my case, I have always wanted a girl. But I have learned that in my family...with the two boys I do have...that I have to be more careful WHO we say yes too. Though DH and I could take any child....we never thought as much or as long at how that child would fit with our boys. Our feeling is now....that whether we had 2, 3 or 5 kids...it's important that any child we add to our family has to fit with the kids who are already here. But then again, everyone has their own idea on what is right for them. Good Luck!

[anilorak13ska]

I've heard that adopted girls tend to dwell more on issues of identity and adoption-relted loss than do boys. I'm sure that was one of my reasons for having a slight preference for a boy. But preference or no, I wouldn't turn away either at this point. We just got a foster baby girl this week, and we were given a choice: her or a boy/girl sibling set (2.5 yo and 4 mo). What's more, the sibs were foster-to-adopt, but our Baby V is a strict foster placement. Still, our current situation made it preferable to choose the foster situation regardless of the opportunity to adopt one of each!