[moseskoko]

Hello. Recently I discovered that I may have Herpes. I have not been diagnosed yet. My fiance and I are in the process of adopting from Ukraine. She is going to adopt as a single female. I'm very nervous that I may affect her ability to adopt because I may have an STD.

I question why this would be part of a physical exam to adopt?? Has anyone had any experience with a similar situation?? I know it's a very sensitive subject but any info would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

John

[sak9645]

Many foreign countries supply medical forms that they want a prospective parent's doctor to complete. Most of those forms include a simple yes/no question about sexually transmitted diseases, and some require a test for HIV; a few may require a test for other STDs like syphilis. I have never heard of any country requiring a test for genital herpes.

Nowadays, genital herpes is so common in the population that many doctors don't even think of it in the same way as they think about STDs like HIV or syphilis. The CDC estimates that 20% of Americans 12 and over have it.

Yes, it's an issue for a woman if she is pregnant, since the genital herpes virus is dangerous to babies; a C-section is usually done if a woman has active genital herpes at the time of delivery, to reduce the risk that the baby will be exposed. And genital herpes is believed to increase a person's risk of getting an HIV infection, and it can make an HIV-positive person more infectious.

Otherwise, however, genital herpes is no more than a nuisance disease for most people. During a first outbreak, some people get fever, swollen glands, and flu-like symptoms. However, some people never get such symptoms during their first outbreak and may not even know they've become infected. Subsequent outbreaks may be even milder.

Rarely does genital herpes affect an otherwise healthy person's ability to parent or his/her lifespan. And since it is most likely to be transmitted sexually, it does not pose much risk to a person's children, other than those who are in the process of being born. Of course, you should practice good hygiene and not touch open lesions before touching other people.

Because genital herpes is so common, and so unlikely to affect a person's ability to parent, some doctors may be comfortable answering the yes/no question on an adoption medical report about STDs as "no". Talk to your regular doctor, and see how he/she feels about it. You might be pleasantly surprised. He/she might want to counsel you and your intended about what could happen if she got herpes from you, and subsequently got pregnant, and about what you should do to make sure she doesn't get herpes from you. But he/she might have no problem helping you adopt, if he/she felt that you were otherwise good candidates for parenthood.

Some doctors may not feel comfortable answering the question "no", simply because herpes is, technically, an STD. If so, you must decide whether he/she should answer "yes", and write an explanatory letter that indicates that your condition should have no bearing on your ability to be a good husband and father, or whether you want to use another doctor.

Some people in your situation purposely go to a doctor who is not their regular physician, and simply do not mention that they have been diagnosed with genital herpes. If they don't go when they have obvious herpes symptoms, the doctor will never know that they have it.

There are moral issues for both the doctor who decides not to list genital herpes on a medical form and for the prospective parent who chooses to go to a doctor who doesn't know him/her well, and has never treated him/her for herpes. How you and your doctor choose to deal with the herpes issue is a matter for your own consciences.

If you define STDs strictly, yes, your doctor would be lying if he/she said that you didn't have one, since you probably got herpes sexually. But many doctors would look at the question and realize that the foreign country's intent is to rule out people who have SERIOUS STDs that can affect longevity, and people who are promiscuous and likely to live in a way that makes them poor role models for children. This might alter the way they fill out the form.

And you would be somewhat deceitful if you chose to avoid your regular provider and, instead, went to a doctor who didn't know you, and failed to mention that you had recently been diagnosed with genital herpes. But, again, some prospective parents might feel that they had a very mild case of herpes, were in a monogamous relationship where care was taken to avoid transmitting the disease during outbreaks, were unlikely to become disabled or to die because of their illness, and so on. This might affect their choices.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well. Do be aware, however, that not all countries are comfortable with unmarried couples, even if heterosexual. You might have a better chance of adopting, if you and your fiancee decided to marry before applying.

Sharon

[moseskoko]

You are 100% in my opinion. Which is exactly why I'm suprised that the form contained sections with specific questions about Syphillus, HIV and STD's. We have both been tested and are awaiting the results. I do not want to lie if the test comes back positive for me. I guess I will have my doctor write something stating is should have no bearing on my ability to be a parent. I'm just glad I somewhere else out there agress with me. I felt like I was on an Island for a while. Thanks for your input!


John

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Is she is adopting as a single female, then why are you even a part of the process?

Kim