[jessibird]

Ok, My feelings are hurt, but the thing is they shouldn't be. How do you or did you handle parents who were not as supportive as you would have liked in the beginning? My mom is so negative about it-she wouldn't be if I were pregnant! She keeps bringing up money and how we can't afford it and today was the kicker-She looked at me and said..."Don't even think about asking me for it (the money)". I didn't even consider asking her (although she is very well off). It just hurt that she said that to me. I feel hurt, angry, and frustrated with her so much right now. i don't know if I should ignore it, or say something about how much that hurt
Tim's dad and step mom were so great and are encouraging us every step-why is my mom so upset by this???

[hesabanana]

I would ask her. I would tell her how her comments have hurt your feelings and try to discuss it with her. You don't want bad feelings to build into resentment.

[Mykidsmom]

I guess my first question is:
Is this normal for her to be critical of what you do?

If it is normal than you just need to say "Oh well, it is just Mom being Mom."

If it is out of character she may just be scared for you. She does not want you hurt. If this is the case try to talk calmly and let her know you have done and are doing your research. You are getting as prepared as you can be. You would love for her to be emotionally (not financially)supportive of the adoption of her grandchild.

[Sheba]

Hi,

I know how you feel. My Mom was over the moon and just as happy as could be. When we decided to adopt Kennedy from China, we were so happy we wanted to shout it from the roof tops. Everybody we told as far as friends and my family were happy. But when we told my Father in Law, he was rude and very mean. First he asked why and how could we afford it because we already had 3 bio children. My mouth literally dropped on the floor. After a while, I said that was none of his concern and I did not really care anymore if he like it or not and that he could stay away! Then he asked later if we could get what he called an Amasian! Yep! Mouth again dropped on the floor. I told him we were not ever at war with China and there were no mixing of americans and chinese out there but that again he could stay away if needed and finally I had to tell him how rude he was being and that I no longer wanted him around our children. His girlfriend also told him how bad he was. And when it comes to money; my hubby is a nurse and I am an Accountant, we do not live in the getto and have never asked for anything from anybody! We went ahead with the adoption and blew any comments he made off! Then my hubby'a aunt's all went just crazy and excited about our adoption. They must have talked to him because he started getting a somewhat better attitude and actually tried to apologize. I told him it was fine and he was intitled to his opinion but it meant nothing to us as a family. We have now been home two years and we are adopting again. I am somewhat surprised and happy to say, my FIL loves Kennedy to death and has apologized for everything. He admitted he was scared of her race and who knows what else but that he could not imagine not having her in his life. He is very excited about us going to adopted Kelsi and I am happy he turned over a new leaf!

Good luck to you, this is just my story. In all honesty if he would not have changed, he would no longer be welcomed in our house. I will not tolerate people treating our kids different, playing favortism and just being rude to my children no matter who they are!

[jessibird]

Thanks for the advice-I did call her and talk to her today. I couldn't stand feeling so bad about it. I just straight out told her how she hurt my feelings and then started to bawl-telling her how much we want this as a family and how much it means to us. I told her that it also hurt that she has been so negative and we doing it with or with out her, but we wanted it to be with her. I said, "What kind of person do you think I am" refering to asking her for money. She felt so bad, she said she didn't mean to be so negative and she just meant for us not to ask for the whole $$ lump sum. (Like I would) (I have some neices and nephews that keeping asking her for $) She also said she was glad I said something instead of bottling it up-so we are all better. She appologized about 5 times and then started asking some really caring questions about the process. I think she was surprised I already knew so much and was getting very prepared. She said at the end that she was proud of us.
I know we may encounter others who may not have the best attitude, but I have to stay calm and not let it all get to me. I just keep focusing on our family and family to be :-)

[Sheba]

I am so glad you got it all out and made her understand this was your decision and how excited you are! I know letting my FIL know our feelings made hims top and think and now he is fine and very excited as I said for us getting Kelsi. The weird thing in our situation is that my 2 brother in laws have 4 and 3 kids and my other brother in law just had their 9th! I am the only wife with a job and that was the shocking part about some of his comments. We are the only one's that never asked for anything and we totally support our family!

I am glad you feel better and congratulations on your adoption. Keep this attitude and it will also help you with the stupid people comments. You will hear someone say something stupid when you get home and just prepare yourself for it. I have heard it all. Some you just walk away from and others you just say something back to. They are just ignorant and are not worth your time!