[kahlanne]

Dh and I have always wanted to adopt, even discussing it while dating. We have been married 17 yrs in Aug and have 4 bio children ages 12, 8, 6, and 20months. They are 3 girls and 1 boy. We fostered two boys ages 3 and 6 at the time for a year back in 2005. We went into it intending to foster for yrs and then adopt later but the system just doesn't work as well as it should. Let's just say that the boys were given back to parents that had had them removed 2 different yrs and yet they didn't pass one drug test the entire time in either year nor did they show for any counciling at all. Not only that, the mom was in jail when they gave them back to the father who tested positive the month before. There was an adoptive family for the boys but the state didn't want to go to court a fourth time. So needless to say, state adoption and fostering is out for us.

Dh is 36 and I am 34 yrs old and each of us are in great health but I am not on the skinny side. LOL. I know some countries have a health requirement. I had tests run a yr ago for insurance purposes and everything was in perfect condition except body bmi but my body fat content was only slightly high.
Dh makes a good living but we aren't rich by any means. I saw somewhere we should make at least $10,000 per dependent per yr and we do plus some. I am not sure if this is accurate or not.
Lets see, we have a good bit put back for adoption but $20,000 would probably be stretching us to our max. I was hoping for closer to $15K so that it isn't such a strain honestly.
We want to adopt internationally and prefer an infant.
A girl is also our preference but I will consider a boy if necessary. I love the idea of adopting either an Asain or Hispanic child. Well, just because. LOL. Russia has never appealed to me and I am going to have to think more on adopting a black child. We are from the south and still have many old generation southerners in our family that can be very outspoken to say the least. I wouldn't want to harm a child by adopting them and then them facing a huge ordeal here. Although when I think of what some must be going through in poor countries, sometimes it seems worth it. Still considering that one.

So I guess, if you have any suggestions on countries that we fit into, especially Hispanic and Asian, I would appreciate it. If you think we should consider adopting a black child inspite of my fears, please give your opinion and the country suggestions as well. Like I said, I am still thinking on it.

Sorry this is so long but I wanted to give you all the information I could. Thanks so much!!!

[sak9645]

In many ways, you have really thought out your decision to adopt carefully.

However, I must tell you that, at this time, it is unlikely that you will find a healthy infant adoption program in either Latin America or Asia for $15,000.

China was traditionally one of the least expensive stable adoption programs in the world, but nowadays, most married couples wind up spending between $20,000 and $25,000, including everything, to adopt there. And you would probably not qualify for China, given the fact that it wants small families, no people with high BMI, and so on. It is also a program with a very long wait right now.

Most other Asian programs would probably be in the $25,000 or over range, including everything. And relatively few are available at this time. Korea, which tends to have young and healthy babies, might not accept you because of your family size, but you might check with agencies; while some Korea programs have BMI restrictions, others do not.

Thailand has a long wait time, but works for some married couples. Taiwan has young babies, but it is getting very popular and it may be difficult to adopt a healthy infant, especially if you want a girl. Asian babies, as well as Caucasian babies and biracial Asian/Caucasian babies are available in Kazakhstan, but the travel is long and fees tend to be high.

Guatemala used to be the best Latin American option for families wanting young babies, but it is not a good option right now because of Hague implementation issues. And Guatemala was traditionally fairly expensive, costing at least $25,000 and often $30,000 or more, when all costs were taken into account.

At this point, the only other infant adoption program in Latin America with a fairly stable program is Colombia's. You would have to check with agencies to see if you could be accepted because of your family size. The travel is fairly long.

I would not recommend adopting a Black child -- for example, one from Haiti or Ethiopia -- if you are not prepared to distance yourself from any family member who is inclined to make racist remarks. Your child will come to know racism soon enough; he/she should NEVER have to encounter it in the family. Also, not everyone is prepared for the challenges of teaching a child about dealing with racism.

And even if you were willing to adopt from Russia or other Eastern European countries, you would face very high fees. Russian adoptions commonly cost well over $30,000, when all is said and done, in part because two trips, and occasionally three, are generally required.

Some people will tell you that you can do an independent adoption for under $20,000. But I really do NOT recommend independent adoption for people who have not adopted internationally before and who are worried about fall-throughs. The level of risk in an independent adoption is very high; many people wind up spending more than initially planned, and sometimes not getting a child, because they fall prey to unscrupulous facilitators or fail to understand the USCIS and foreign rules, which can be complicated.

Do remember, of course, that you do not pay for an adoption all at once. Most adoptions take over a year from start to finish, and fees are generally payable "as you go". So many families can actually get another year of savings put away, during the adoption process.

Also, do remember that there is an adoption tax credit which is applicable to international adoptions. While you can't take the credit until your child is home, you may feel comfortable doing the analysis to see how much you would actually get via the credit, and then borrowing money and paying it back with the credit.

People also get quite creative at finding other ways to pay for adoption, whether they make and sell products, do fundraisers with the aid of their religious organization, borrow against their 401-K, etc.

Another option is searching your heart as to whether you would accept a child with special needs or an older child. Fee reductions are often available in cases where a child is deemed "hard to place" by reason of being of school age or having a medical issue. Some of the medical issues can be quite manageable, such as Hep. B, a limb difference, scarring from a bad burn, correctable heart defects, and so on.

I wish you luck with your adoption.

Sharon

[BAnn08]

Hi Kahlanne ~ I am not a prospective parent, but I am myself an International Adoptee. I think it's a positive thing of you and your husband's desire to adopt a child, even having your own biological children. How do/would they feel about the topic? One good thing is that you two are at an appropriate age to do this - still young, and will be able to grow with the child. Regarding your weight, I really don't think that should or would be much of a hindrance in the process. It seems you have done your research - but I'm sure you know this isn't a decision you make quickly, and a lot of thought goes into it. I do want to comment on your worries about the child facing discrmination. From my own personal experience, (and I grew up in a small town in the midwest, where the majority is Caucasian), I never faced that many problems in elementary or middle school. I was one of two other International Adoptees of the entire school population, but it wasn't until high school that I encountered stupid remarks. I think kids will make a point of poking fun at anyone for anything. When I attended university, a lot of other students and professors had no real knowledge of adoption thus their many questions of where I came from, if I was a exchange student, etc. Mind you, I grew up with terrific parents - who have always shown me love, support and have wanted nothing but the best for me. I think they did the best they could, but no matter how much they tried to, or could read up on the issues of discrimination, etc., but they will never really understand, as adoptive parents, what it's like to face racism. Being female, I grew up always wanted to fit the 'mold' of what attractive was; but deep down inside, I knew that I was never 'good' enough for society's perception. Even to this day, when I am eatting out with my parents, or wandering stores solo, it's hard not to notice the few glares or stares received from those around us. In the last place I worked, I was the only minority in the building, and it was prevalent that my coworkers did not want to welcome me with open arms. I was working with people who were not open to the idea of changes in any way. Either way, I don't want to discourage you from adopting a baby internationally; I just wanted to inform you that no matter what, raising an international child who will no doubt be 'American', will indefinitely face some sort of discrimination or racism in their life. But I think that if you and your husband raise that child with love, and don't treat it any different than your other bio. children, then he/she will still grow up quite well. I am now 24 years of age, and am now a Social Worker working with adopted children - so I used my own personal experience to make a career out of it. Goes to show if I turned out ok, along with the many other Int. adoptee kids, then I know it can be a positive experience for other families and their akids. The most important thing for parents and achildren to realize is that their children are loved and accepted for what is, not what can't be changed. Hope you didn't mind me adding these thoughts..... good luck with your process/decision if you decide to go down this path!

[Rivendell]

You may also want to look into the Philippines. I can PM you the name of several agencies that work there if you like, including one I can highly recommend since they helped in my siblings' adoption process.

There are more boys than girls available though, and toddlers are more easily available, but the youngest age of referral is 6 months. It would be a longer wait for a younger child, with typical wait times from 12-24 months. Travel is only about a week in country, and only one parent must go.

Also, the Philippines has one of the more economical programs available; when I figured in everything from the country fee and homestudy, to paperwork, travel expenses and even souvenir money, the total projected cost came out to $19,199 with the agency DH and I plan to use. (I had to use estimates for travel expenses for two, estimates for some of the miscellaneous fees that weren't listed in the contract or government websites, and I factored in the adoption discounts on one of the airline tickets, but I think that number is fairly accurate. I also wanted to know what we would be committing to financially, so I threw every cost I could think of plus the kitchen sink into my spreadsheet! The fees are well spread out, though.)

R.