[tiredmom77]

My husband and I have started the process to adopt two kids from Ethiopia.

So, we have told our families and they are all so excited, I was nervous about the race issue, but no one seemed to be concerned about that.

Well, I was discussing baby names with my MIL, as my SIL is also pregnant and I mention that I liked a couple of names for our future kids. I said I liked "Caden" for a boy and "Audrey" for a girl.....so, she kind of laughs and says that they are beautiful names, but she did not think they would fit.....

So with some questioning, she tells me that she thinks those are very "white" names.????

I guess I never thought about it....the kids will be under the age of two, so I did not worry about changing names. I have never thought of the names being "white"

Did anyone struggle with this with your children or family? Did you avoid certain names because of it?

[ocracoke]

My family didn't really have any comments about me wanting to change my daughter's name. I finally decided that I would name her Annika Nanette. A scandanavian and french name for my little ethiopian child? Sure why not! As it turned out when I got the referral I fell in love with her given name so decided to keep it as her first name and just added the other 2 as middle names. You can name you children whatever you want.

Samantha

[KarynB]

hello!

We absolutely struggled with this. Our first son came home at age 3 with a very Zulu name - we loved it and would never change the name of a three year old. Our second son was 5 months, and all along in the process we came up with Anglo-Saxon, European names. Jackson, Jaia, etc. Then, once we got our referral I just couldn't do it. I knew he needed to have a Zulu name too. Someone had said to me that these children have lost so much, losing an cultural name would be another loss. For various reasons wis birth name wasn't appropriate, so, we picked a Zulu name.

Now, I am not 100% sure we made the right decision - although his name totally suits him and I see him no other way. Lots of people spell it wrong, mispronounce it, etc - and I read somewhere else in an article by an internationally adopted kid that she always wished her name were more "normal" to avoid standing out even more. Hmm...

So, what to do? There is no right answer I guess, and different kids will have different experiences and we have no crystal ball into the future so....do what feels right to you, and once you see your child you may have a better feeling for what his/her name "should" be!!!

[JoshGuat]

I struggled with this also as our sons birth name would not match our last name. I believe that whatever you and your dh decide to do is the right thing. People always have something to say about everything. If you are at peace, then that is the right thing. We can never please people, go with your gut and your dh blessings.

[mayaprincess]

This is always a hard question. But in this day and age, you hear jsut about anything. I think that as long as you like the names and your children will not stand out with something like "Moon Pie" I think that you are O.K.

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

Originally Posted by mayaprincess

This is always a hard question. But in this day and age, you hear jsut about anything. I think that as long as you like the names and your children will not stand out with something like "Moon Pie" I think that you are O.K.

That gave me a much needed laugh today! But, I agree with everyone else, do what geels right for you. I changed one of my DDs names and kept the other one.

As far as a name being "white" - I do not buy into that. If you have a name you love, use it. It will fit the child. I mean, how often have you looked at a child and thought "you do not look like a Jessica / John / Steve / Mary to me? You mom should have named you something else." I never have.

[sak9645]

Do what is right for your family.

I am White and my daughter is Chinese. I named her Rebecca Joy Chufang K....... Rebecca and Joy have family significance. Chu and Fang are her (orphanage-assigned) Chinese names, which have a nice meaning. We are a Jewish family, so Becca also has a Hebrew name, Rivka Gilat.

Sharon

[jojo13551122]

I am just a PAP. But I agree that I don't buy into the whole "white" name "black" name "asian" name idea. I do think it's a nice idea to give a child a fairly "american" first name. I think it's just easier on them. I also think it's nice to incorporate their birth name as a middle name. That way they still have a link to their heritage.
Just my 2 cents.

[BethanyB]

I think you should name your child whatever you want. There are black kids named Brian and Jackson and all kinds of names that some would assume to be "white." Names don't have color.

KarynB, It sounds like you made a good choice because your children were from Ethiopia. If they share that heritage, I think it's nice that they have that.

People will learn how to say their names. Everyone always screwed up my last name in school. And it's not even that hard! LOL! They would just say the vowel the wrong way. But once you correct them they seem to pick it up.

[hml1976]

My Asian daughter from kazakhstan had an italian birthname, now she has a Hebrew name....we're Catholic I plan on letting her add back in the Italian one if she would like to later in life or she can pick a new one if she wants to.

[qs mom]

I have to laugh at that. My veery close friend, an African American woman has a grandson named Caden. He is not "white".

It is a family decision. I have always like the Irish surnames when used as a first name - Quinn, Griffin, Murphy, etc. They are kind of unisex. My dad was so angry with me to think that I would change my child's name, as my son was nearly 3. But I did. My Bulgarian child has an Irish surname as his first name, he has the only thing his birth mother could give him, a name, as his middle name and an Irish surname.

It's kind of funny actually when people hear his name, they think of a red-haired pasty white kid. My son is of Roma decent with what was listed as tan skin, brown/black hair and HUGE dark, dark brown eyes. But I am Irish and I don't have red hair or blue eyes either.

No matter what you name your child, it will be topic of conversation at some point. Some kids wish they had kept their birth names, their 'ethnic' names, others wish that they had American names. All kids are different, you have no way of knowing which kind of kid you will have. You'll love them and their name. By the time you have your child, you may change your mind about names a million times.

[Jensboys]

I'll state off the top, that I am a strong advocate of keeping a child's name their birth name if at all possible (not offensive in English, not the name of another child in the house etc) so, on that foot, I would suggest you do some research from an adoptee perspective and reconsider

HOWEVER, saying that ... I also have a son named Caden and I am AWFULLY fond of the name

We were first referred two little girls named Akilah and Zharia. Beautiful names of African descent and we loved them. When that proposal fell through ... we were looking forward to finding out what the names of our new children would be.

We were referred two aa boys with the names Gregory Eugene and Eric Robert. I dont think you could find WHITER names than those BUT they are still THEIR names and we love them. And yes, it was the one thing they could keep from their first family.

Jen

[hml1976]

Well, if my daughter (from Kaz with the Italian name) had been named by her birthmother we may have kept it but seeing as she was named by an orphanage worker who didn't actually care much for her, we were happy to change it. Most of the kids from Kazakhstan I know were not name by their birthmothers.

[Bunnygirl]

I would go with the name that you and your husband have chosen. You can keep the Ethiopian names as middle names. That's what we plan to do with the son we are adopting from Vietnam. If they absolutely hate their first names or feel uncomfortable with them, they can always switch the first & middle names. By the way, I work in a very diverse urban school with kids of all ethnic backgrounds & there really doesn't seem to be any hard & fast rules about names & ethnicity -- some kids who are clearly from other countries insist on "American" names & some kids who were born here but have "Chinese" names etc. wouldn't dream of using a more "American-sounding" name. Besides, "White" & "Black" these days encompass so many subcultures & ethnic backgrounds that I wouldn't really worry about giving a Black kid a "White" name!

[Adoption_Ally]

First of all, we live in a small town in central Maine - the whitest State in the Union. Clearly strongly ethnic names kind of stand out here (even tho there's a girl in my daughter's class who is VERY blonde and blue eyed named Ebonyi - go figure) What to do, what to do?

We sort of did a cross between the two. My son, now nearly 24, has a very Italian last name. However, he's from Colombia, so we wanted something that fit everywhere. We settled on Joseph James, both being family names and Joseph being in almost every culture in some version. If I were to do it over, I would probably add his Colombian name - Carlos. However, to make it more real for everyone, especially our then 8 YO daughter, we started calling our prospective child 'Joseph' LONG before we ever had a placement. So when he came, Joseph it was.

On the other hand, the adoption agency through whom we got our daughter really hated the kids (all Cambodian) to have names that were strongly associated with another ethnic group like Danielle or Jose or something. Also, literally translated her Cambodian name was "little orphan girl Mom" - not something you'd generally like to remind your child. We settled on Maya - sort of a generically ethnic name, but still pretty mainstream. Years later I found out that one of the meanings of her name is 'messenger of the Gods', which is exactly who she is.