[mommy_2b_NC]

Obviously I know that each child is unique, precious and has their own possible issues depending on how they were treated prior to becoming available for adoption. Having said that, do you think children from orphanages in other countries are any less likely to have "severe" emotional/behavioral/attachment issues than children in our country's foster care system?

Do you think that children in other countries have suffered from less physical/sexual/emotional cruelty than foster care children in the US? I am trying to decide between adopting from foster care or adopting internationally.

[sak9645]

Frankly, whether a child is in the U.S. foster care system or whether he/she is in an orphanage or foster home overseas, he/she has experienced the loss of birthparents. He/she also may have experienced the loss of one or more favorite caregivers.

Children who have experienced losses, especially repeated losses, sometimes become convinced that adults can't be trusted to stick around and help them. As a result, they may have trouble bonding with a new family or developing long term attachment. The more losses a child has had, the more likely he/she is to develop attachment problems. But some children are more resilient than others; some children will retain the ability to attach even after several losses, while others will be deeply affected simply by the loss of birthparents.

Likewise, there is no guarantee that a child adopted from a foster home or orphanage/group home in the U.S. or overseas will NOT have been exposed to abuse or neglect, either by a birthparent/birth relative or by a caregiver.

In some cases, the records on a child will indicate that he/she has been removed from abusive or neglectful birthparents; however, even in the U.S., records can be imperfect. And there is almost no way to find out whether a child has been exposed to abuse in care, since the person giving the child's history may well be the abuser or may have looked the other way while abuse was going on.

In general, children adopted at a young age are much less likely to have attachment disorders than older children, and much less likely to have been subjected to abuse or neglect. So if you want to minimize the chance that your child will have attachment issues, than you probably should adopt an infant or toddler. However, it is important to recognize that this is simply a generality. There ARE infants and toddlers who have attachment disorders. And there are, sadly, toddlers who have been subjected to horrific physical and sexual abuse.

In general, also, the child who has spent only a short time in an institution or foster home, and who has had only one primary caregiver, is much less likely to have attachment problems than one who has spent years in an orphanage or who has had multiple caregivers. Again, however, this is a generality. There are children who do well, when adopted, despite a long tenure in care and despite having multiple providers.

Your best bet is to find a country with a reasonably good adoption system, and an agency that makes a real effort to place children from that country with families who can parent them effectively. Working in that country and with that agency, you can identify a child whose needs you can meet.

Look for an agency that shows a commitment to obtaining as much information on a child as possible, and on sharing every scrap of that information with a serious prospective parent. Look for an agency that uses trustworthy in-country personnel who can give a good assessment of a particular child, if the foreign country permits such in-country personnel to work directly with orphanages. Look for an agency that is associated with well-run orphanages and foster homes and that provides ongoing support in areas such as staff training.

Review the history of any child presented to you carefully. Share the information with a doctor who is knowledgable about adoption from your country of choice.

When you meet with the child, be sure that you understand the signs of potential attachment problems. As an example, is is NORMAL for a toddler or preschooler to be wary of you, and perhaps to cry when you approach him. It is a RED FLAG if the child runs to you and hugs your leg, since indiscriminate affection is one of the hallmarks of attachment disorder.

And be aware that attachment disorders occur on a spectrum of severity. Those kids you hear about on TV, who molest their siblings, attack their adoptive parents with a carving knife, and throw the cat out the window have severe attachment issues that are actually pretty rare. Those are the children who probably can't live with a family, and who must be in residential treatment, for their own safety and that of their families.

It is much more likely that a child will show mild to moderate attachment problems, such as failure to make eye contact, failure to accept hugs, failure to cry when hurt, a tendency to treat strangers like long lost friends, a tendency to lie outrageously, and so on. Some of the mild attachment issues will go away as a child becomes confident that his/her new parents will respond to his/her needs. Others will respond to professional counseling.

Sharon

[mommy_2b_NC]

Thank you sooo much for all of your great information!