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  #1  
Old 11-11-2007, 07:48 PM
wantsafamily wantsafamily is offline
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?Best age of child to adopt

I know everyone is different when it comes to selecting children to adopt. I will be a single older mom who has always wanted to child. I have lots to offer. My question to all of you with experience is..is there a better age when it comes to children 1-6? I am looking for the best outcome for the child not myself. Their transition to our culture, our language etc. I am brand new at this and would appreciate all replies. Thanks again.
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  #2  
Old 11-11-2007, 08:41 PM
DianeS DianeS is offline
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There is no cut-and-dried "best" age. I wish there were! You're certainly not the only person to ask this question.

Here are some of the pros of the older end of the age range you posted:
- a doctor could more likely tell if the child had facial features consistent with FAS/FAE
- you would be more likely to know if the child had a learning disability
- you would be more likely to know if there were any developmental delays, or not
- even if you have to hire a translator, you can speak with an older child, to understand what they are asking for or what they miss

And some of the pros to the younger end of the age range you posted:
- attachment should be easier with a child who is of an age to pick up, carry, and rock in public
- bonding often comes easier to the parent when the child needs more care, like feeding and diapering and bathing - for both parties, the trust often builds faster
- more time to get used to the child's temperment and figure a way to blend the child's with yours, before the child is old enough take advantage of differences and push buttons (like all children will)

Some of the cons of the older end of your age range:
- the child would almost automatically be "behind" in school by USA standards. Most orphans in other countries are not educated to the standards expected of 6 year olds in our culture.
- If there is an attachment problem, the older the child, the longer it will take to heal.

Some of the cons of the younger end of your age range:
- nobody can adequately explain to a non-verbal child that you are her new mommy. The change in caregivers comes as a complete shock to them.

So you can see that the "best" age depends on the mother's and the father's strengths.
Can you help a child who is behind in school catch up?
Are you comfortable "regressing" an older child so they can catch some missed attachment steps?
What is your comfort zone with "unknowns" when it comes to your child's medical history?

The best age for someone to adopt is the age they feel they can be the best parent to. And for each person, that age could be different.

I hope this was a helpful post for you, even though I didn't actually answer your question...
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Old 11-11-2007, 08:54 PM
Max'smom Max'smom is offline
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Hi,
Another thing to take into account (perhaps you know this) is that some countries either don't allow single moms to adopt (e.g., S. Korea) or limit how young a child they can adopt (e.g., Ukraine, where lately the state has tended to expect single moms to adopt children 7 and older and generally, the state only allows a 45 year age difference, so an older person in a couple wouldn't be allowed to adopt a 4 year ld unless s/he was younger than 49). So I'd first find the right country that fits your needs and expectations, and then decide on an age range. As it is, some countries only allow you to specify a broad age range anyhow--you don't get to pick an actual age. Perhaps you know all that already.
Good luck!
Max'smom
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Old 01-02-2008, 06:01 PM
jillhunter98 jillhunter98 is offline
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My opinion is under 1 year of age. I have worked a lot of and have an adopted child of my own who was adopted at age 18 months. He has lots of emotional/behavioral problems. It seems like the kids that were under a year do a lot better for a variety of reasons. Just my opinion...
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  #5  
Old 01-02-2008, 07:46 PM
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ocracoke ocracoke is offline
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I think that it really depends on the parent and the child. There is no cut and dry situation. There is no promise. I was placed for adoption at 7 years old. I bonded quickly and easily, My sister was 16 months older then me and bonded strong with our mom buthad a hard time trusting and processing things emotionally. I adopted my daughter when she was 21 months old. It took her 3 months to bond. We are completely attached and yet she is very outgoing and independent. Age is not the factor that determines adjustment and bonding. Circumstances is not the factor that determines aging and boning. They could be one of the factors that contributes to it. Personality is too and you won't know that until the child is home.

Samantha
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Me:
placed in adoptive home 7/14/76 (7 years old)
adoption finalized 10/21/77

My daughter:
REFERRAL 6/29/06 (18 months old)
Court date 7/26/06
Meet daughter for first time 8/29/06
Re-adoption finalized 5/16/07

I LOVE being a single mom!!
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