[cantwait2bmommy]

I am having such a hard time making a decision. I thought those with experience may be able to help. Dh and I are waiting for our I171h (which we expect in the next 10 days) and have been told by our agency that a referral will be less than a month away by the time we receive that (probably more like a week to 10 days). I applied for a new job in my organization which is now appears I have a good chance at getting. It will mean quite a bit more money which means that while we wait for our son to get home I can sock away a lot more cash. Dh and I have decided the more I sock away the longer I can take off (up to 1 yr if we have enough money put away).

Other than the job being more money and a great challenge, there is really no attraction for me to the job. I have been in my current position for 7.5 years. I love my job and everyone I work with; however, there is no advancement potential for me in this job until my director retires a yr from Nov. Initially, I decided that I would not take the other job without telling the manager about my personal situation, but now I am thinking it’s more money. Do whatever it takes to get the job then tell him later since it could be a while until my son is able to come home and I take my leave.

In my current position, they already know about all my struggles with infertility and how important it is to me that my son gets home safely and that he attach and bond fully so there will be no question about my leave. They already know I will take 8 months to a year off and they are fine with it. My current job is 8-4:30 M-F with leave anytime I want to take it, no stress and a very understanding and flexible management team. In 7.5 years I have never worked a weekend.

The position I am up for would mean being on a pager 24/7, managing about 25 people as opposed to the 3 I manage now, working at least one night a week maybe more and possibly weekends. The person I would report to has a reputation of not being the easiest guy to work for; however, my personal dealings with him so far have been fine.

If I take the job without being upfront with the manager about my personal situation I am still entitled to 3 months of family leave by law (which the manager himself just returned from taking). Ideally, I want to take another 5 months off beyond that (I work for a College so total I am hoping to be off for 2 semesters). In a quick system, we are hoping to have the baby home by late summer, early fall if that is the case (I totally recognize it could be quite a bit longer) which gives me 6-9 months (maybe longer) to put away some money then take 3 months of leave which brings us to early 2008. If I get the job and the new manager only agrees to the 3 months of leave then I can leave my organization (time towards retirement remains and I can get COBRA insurance for up to 18 months) wait for my current director to retire (11/08) then come back to the College in the capacity that I am waiting for now.

On top of all these issues, I recently found out my dad has cancer (prostate, totally treatable, but he and my family who live four hours away are going to go through hell to get him healthy again) and to be there for my family a flexible schedule will help. Bottom line is do I take the job that I won’t enjoy nearly as much as what I have now and where I will be just an employee (not a “family member” who is working hard to adopt and dealing with family illness) but will make quite a bit more money while I wait for my son to come home or do I stay where I am and be patient until my current department makes a job for me or my director retires (which is what my current director has asked me to do)? If I do get offered the job, do I tell the hiring manager about my personal situation before I accept the job or do I wait until after I am in the job for a while to tell him? Thoughts and insight would be greatly appreciated!

TIA!
Chris

[DianeScraps]

From what you have said I would stay in the job you have now. Changing to the new job doesn't seem fair to anyone.

[specialk4b]

Hi Chris! Have you ever taken one of those tests where you get points for the number of stressful events in your life? I wonder if you'd be hitting the danger zone .

Seriously, though. You probably have a good idea of what you can handle and what you can't. Don't take on more than you can handle.

[SingleMama2B]

Hi Tia, From reading your post, and having been through international adoption, and a full time working Mom.... I would stay with my current position/job. All is already 'set' with your current management, why would you want the additional STRESS of a new management team, not being upfront with them right away, change in responsibilties (24/7 - some nights, etc.), and now with your father's medical worries.... Believe me.... your Emotional Rollar Coaster Ride HASN'T even started with International Adoption yet!!!! In the end it is SOOOOO worth every minute, but when you are going through it, it feels horrible. Put that on with a new job, etc., you would probably so stressed....

This is just my 2 cents, as the way I read your post... GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!!

[JGarrick]

Only you know how bad you need the money, but if it were me, I wouldn't give the other job a second thought based on what you described. You have an ideal situation now - a low-stress position in almost every way. Do you really want to trade all that in for more money? Will the money do you any good if you can't take the time off, or need to quit to do it and end up spending it all on health insurance premiums?

Also, I'd be careful about projecting how your potential future manager treats you now to how you might be treated as one of his staff. I've known quite a few people who were perfectly cordial with people outside their department, but complete ogres with their own staff.

I'll add two more thoughts that are almost blasphemous here in the USA. First, money isn't everything. Second, you don't need to define yourself or your worth in terms of your job. I structure my job to support the rest of my life, not the other way around.