[advocateteacher]

How did you decide it was the right time to adopt? I am 28, a full time grad student and work. It seems to me that if I apply now, the agency may be concerned about my schedule. I will be applying to colleges in a few states for my doctorate in another year. At that point I'll have even more intense schooling and research. I don't want to put off adopting. I've always known I would adopt and have been researching agencies, countries, parenting issues, school systems, etc for 4-5 years now. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone has ever adopted while in graduate school or if that (and the subsequent tight budget) was too much of a deterrent either for you or an agency...

I am afraid of being rejected by the agencies I suppose. But I also value highly the advice of those who have been through the process.

Jen

[sak9645]

First off, remember that you cannot adopt from China until you are at least 30 years old. This is a matter of Chinese law, and there is no flexibility. Some other countries have more liberal laws. The USCIS requires any SINGLE who wants to obtain an adoption visa for a child to be at least 25, but you are fine on that score.

Agencies look at each person's situation as unique. Some graduate students may be able to adopt; others may not. I would suggest that you talk to some possible homestudy agencies and placement agencies while you are waiting to be old enough for China, to see how they would view your situation.

As to income, agencies will look at whether you are currently living within your means, without a lot of debt and with enough left over to allow you to support a child and plan for any emergencies that might arise (such as a need for medical care for the child). They will also look at the sources of your income, and the stability of your income, as well as whether you have medical insurance, life insurance, and so on. They will do this whether or not you are a graduate student.

If you are on a very tight budget, relying on part-time work, scholarships, and loans, and if you are heavily in debt, most agencies will suggest that you postpone a homestudy until you have greater financial stability.

Agencies will also want to know how you will manage child care. They will ask that question of all singles and couples who need to work for a living, and not just graduate students. You will need to research the costs of child care in your area, and whether care is available at the hours you will require it. You will also need to consider how many hours your child will be away from you. If you must have your child in care for ten hours a day or more, you probably should rethink your plan to adopt.

Many graduate students live in student housing or with roommates. If you live in student housing, you will need to determine whether children are welcome. Roommate situations are more problematic, as everyone living in your home has to undergo a police clearance, child abuse clearance, and so on if you are to pass a homestudy.

I hope this helps.

Sharon

[advocateteacher]

Thank you, that was very helpful.

Jen

[specialk4b]

I had an advisor tell all the women in grad school that during grad school was the time to start your family because once you are working, you'll be much too busy. You won't want to take time out from your career to parent.

I'm not sure I agree. The pressures on a young family during grad school are many. Healthcare insurance can be an issue, particularly if you are only eligible for the student policy. School schedules can vary so much from semester to semester, it can make childcare continuity difficult too. And the desire to play a little while in grad school can be incompatible with raising a little one. I saw a few friends really struggle with having a child during grad school, almost to the point of having to drop out of school.

As Sharon said, China requires that adoptive parents be at least 30, but not all countries have that requirement.

Just a few thoughts... Sorry if it's rambly.

[sak9645]

I know that I would not have been able to deal with a new child, when I was in grad school.

I had been working for eight years when I started grad school, but the jobs -- elementary teaching and serving as a research assistant in a hospital -- were low paying and I had little savings. I was blessed with a full tuition scholarship and a low-interest loan for living expenses, so I could "survive" during my two year health policy and management program, but only by having roommates and keeping my life pretty simple.

My program discouraged students from working. It was quite intensive, and there simply was no time. There was a mandatory summer internship, at low pay, and some people got paid for their work during their applied research seminar during the second year, but I did not.

I shared a restored Victorian house with four roommates and the owner's crazy dog. Some of the roommates were graduate students, and some were early career professionals, but none would have welcomed a child in the house. All were busy with work/school and their social lives.

And I never could have passed a homestudy with that crazy dog in residence. His owner had thoroughly misrepresented him. Although he loved me, he was a fear lunger and fear biter, and I wound up buying a muzzle so I could walk him or entertain without fear that he would harm someone. He peed all over the house and was untrustworthy in every way.

I had a grand time in grad school, making some good friends and really getting into the subject matter. Would I have had such a positive experience if I had been a Mom? Probably not. There was one single (divorced) Mom in the class, but I suspect that her life wasn't easy.

Sharon

[caestes]

We are in our 6th (hopefully final) year of a PhD program. My DH is the student, also works and I am home FT with our 3 kids w/#4 (confirmed referral) arriving via adoption in the spring. We are in grad school "again" after working for 10 years, so we have some financial stability b/c of savings & home equity during the "industry years." Being students again has allowed wonderful flexibility and freedom, but has stresses of its own. My DH struggles with balancing family and school and work & finds a good balance in the end, but I have no idea how he would do it I weren't able to carry most of the kid/home load. Even though he is a very involved DH, he must give many hours to those other things. The bottom line is - it's an awful lot to do. I don't mean to discourage if you're sure this is right for you, but I do hope you will carefully think through the impact on both you and your child.

A few other things to think about: Will you have irregular hours? (My DH is in the sciences & must sometimes be in the lab late or on weekends.) If so, how will you handle childcare during those times? What about when you have deadlines or unusually heavy "think" work? Also, the problem with the PhD for many is that it is unstructured - allows freedom, yes - but can too easily take a "back seat", which for some becomes a permanent "no seat." I have a friend who tried to finish her PhD (after 7 years!) while taking care of her new baby. She ended up doing baby & no work.

Also, if this will be your first child, there will be an adjustment into parenting in general plus any special adoption issues you may find yourself parenting. Read some books on adoption issues to familiarize yourself with common scenarios. I just finished Adoption Parenting by MacLeod and Macrae - it's a great overview.

I guess I would also want to explore the "what ifs" to make the decision - what if it were too much? How important is the PhD/career? If something had to give, what would it be? What's the back-up plan? If something has to wait, what would it be? Honestly answering those might help you sort out a long term plan that fits what you want for your life in every area. BTW, you are "young" as far as adoption eligibility goes - so if you decide to wait to adopt, you still have many years before your options start to narrow.

As to the finances, we have been repeatedly reassured that our assets will carry us. Lack of debt is important, too. Since we are (hopefully) close to graduating, we described our job prospects in our homestudy. I hope this helps give you a few things to think about.

- C

[jenniferwal]

Funny, Jen, my name is Jen and I adopted as a single parent when I was in grad school. I adopted a four and five year old. I don't regret it a bit, although I might have been a better parent if I'd been a bit older, when my kids hit rough teen years! I finished my dissertation after getting the kids. The agency loved my schedule because it was flexible and I could work at home.

[advocateteacher]

Originally Posted by jenniferwal

Funny, Jen, my name is Jen and I adopted as a single parent when I was in grad school. I adopted a four and five year old. I don't regret it a bit, although I might have been a better parent if I'd been a bit older, when my kids hit rough teen years! I finished my dissertation after getting the kids. The agency loved my schedule because it was flexible and I could work at home.

It's great to hear about it working out for someone. I do understand the possible troubles with the situation, but in my area, History, there aren't long hours, just the need to read and research of course. I am leaning toward a child 3-5, and can easily be flexible with my schedule and I would also like to send the child to kindergarten or preschool for part of the day for socialization as I have no other children. I would love to hear any advice you could share. I was assuming I would not be eligible because of my situation.

Thanks

Jen